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Subject: 1
Date Posted: 2/22/2008 12:10 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Last Edited on: 1/14/14 6:14 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 2/22/2008 12:48 PM ET
Member Since: 7/5/2006
Posts: 4,669
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how close are you to the ex.... can you have him talk a little more with Drew about how it is better he's not married to her anymore, and happier now than when they were together, and that his relationship with Drew's not going to change..... my guess is he's worried about his dad... but at 14 boys have to  be tough and not show emotion or concern.  It's probably easier for him to talk with a guy than with "dumb ol mom" hehe

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 2/22/2008 2:42 PM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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Just let him know you are there for him, if and when he wants to talk.  You can't make him open up.  He's probably just processing it all, and worried about his Dad and his half-sibs, if they were close at all.  Give it some time (a month, 6 weeks) and then bring up the subject again.

 

Date Posted: 2/22/2008 4:12 PM ET
Member Since: 11/10/2006
Posts: 2,950
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Depending on your relationship with his father, I would talk to him and ask that he allow Drew to be just a son. My ex used my daughter as a "best friend" and would let her see how upset she was when her relationship with her BF went sour. So, at like 10 my daughter was concerned and consoling her mother. It was a mess and kinda freaked out the kid.

It is also best that no one talks negatively about the wife because A) you never know if they will reconcile and then the kid will be harboring thoughts about her from the negative things he heard & B) your son may still have some sort of relationship with her given that he has half-sibilings.

 

I think the best thing to say is that the problems are the adults problems and that your son need not be concerned with them. He can support his dad by just maintaining a father/son relationship. Nothing more is required of him. Once the news becomes "old news" it will be easier for your son to deal with since like anything else they adjust and find their own median ground.

 

Date Posted: 2/23/2008 1:47 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Last Edited on: 1/14/14 6:33 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 2/23/2008 7:06 PM ET
Member Since: 1/23/2006
Posts: 609
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Julie, I think it's great that all of you adults have the kind of relationship that you can talk and support each other in times like these! Just let Drew know that you're there if he wants to talk but don't push it.

 

Sharon C. (Mamu) - ,
Date Posted: 2/23/2008 10:59 PM ET
Member Since: 3/12/2007
Posts: 1,152
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Hi Julie.  Drew is at a tough age for chatting with the adults in his life about <gasp> feelings!  The best conversations I had with my son at that age about important things were in the car when no eye contact had to be made.  IF he wanted to talk, that's when he would do it. 

Being comfortable yourself around the topic and gently opening up an option for him is probably your best bet.  But there is no forcing that particular horse to drink.  :D  I second (or however many) everyone's saying that it's very cool that you have a good relationship with his dad.  I'm sure that means more to him than you know.

BTW, glad you came over here to have a chat about it!  

;)

Sharon

Updated due to weird typos



Last Edited on: 2/23/08 11:00 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 2/24/2008 7:33 AM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Last Edited on: 1/14/14 6:37 PM ET - Total times edited: 1