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Topic: Advice for Adult Child

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Subject: Advice for Adult Child
Date Posted: 11/6/2009 8:48 PM ET
Member Since: 11/6/2006
Posts: 423
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Our DS, almost 20, works on a tugboat on the Mississippi and its tributaries.  He has only had this career/job for less than 6 months and we are praying they are able to keep him employed because he absolutely loves what he does.  (The recession is affecting his industry.)  His schedule is that he lives on the boat for 4 weeks and is off for 2 weeks.  He travels back home for those 2 weeks off and, because of the distance, is with us for 10 days.  Now that he is educated in his career and gainfully employed, we plan to start charging him a small amount of "rent" to cover household expenses.

He does his own laundry and is expected to keep his sleeping area neat and to clean the bathroom he uses when he heads back to the boat.  He will do things around the house, for me, but he isn't motivated to pursue opportunities to help.  I have to ask him.

I will say he works very hard, while on the boat, 7 days a week, with just enough time off to eat and sleep, and I do respect that these two weeks off are his "weekends."

My thoughts are that we would charge him a daily amount for the days he is here.  Rent, in our area, is $450 for a one-bedroom.  We don't intend to charge him anything like that, but I want to give you all a reference point.

What advice can everyone give me for what to charge and what it should cover?  I'll take all the ideas I can get :P !

Date Posted: 12/14/2009 3:57 AM ET
Member Since: 12/31/2007
Posts: 240
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Enjoy his time with you. The job he does can and probably is very dangerous. Before long he will be gone into the world, whether its with a wife and family. Sure 20 years old is adult, but he comes home to momma.

If he is not a burden then, then please just enjoy him. To many people get wrapped into money. If he does not drink, or do drugs, and enjoys being home with his family, then just enjoy.

Date Posted: 2/6/2010 11:16 PM ET
Member Since: 12/30/2007
Posts: 1,739
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I agree. I dont know about charging him rent, but maybe he could help out with the food budget.

Date Posted: 2/12/2010 1:47 AM ET
Member Since: 1/29/2007
Posts: 3,365
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Is it that you need the money or are you just trying to teach him to be responsible. Since he's there for the 2 weeks only every other month, I personally wouldn't charge him rent. Especially if you are worried he could lose his job (as everyone is worried right now), I might instead encourage him to save some money just in case. If he lost the job, would you then let him stay with you rent-free?

Many kids are still in college at that age and their parents wouldn't typically charge "rent" when they go home on holidays and weekends. Maybe you could have some extra jobs for him t o do to help you out, like yardwork and such. But, if it's an issue of you needing money, I'd discuss with him whatever issues you are having and come to an agreement about how he can help with what you need - maybe paying a percentage of the utilitiess or buying groceries while he's at your house could help.

Date Posted: 4/9/2010 5:21 PM ET
Member Since: 1/17/2010
Posts: 400
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I'm the odd one out, so far. I go with charging him some rent, although not much. It helps preparefor real life when he leaves home, he will be prepared to think ahead of what he has to spend his money on. He's 20, and most 20 year olds are thinking, acting as if they are still 15, not thinking of the future, planning for times when they will need the money. Plus, he is a member of the family and he SHOULD help with expenses;. he uses water, electricity, phone, tv and other while living there..By assisting youhe will learn to respect what it takes to keep a home; prepare him for when he has a place of his own.

Talk with him on what he plans to do with his money, is he going to set up a saving account? Is he making a car payment, insurance payment

Hubby and I set up with our son, when he was working, that he paid his part; one third of the elec, cable, internet and water bill. He had a cabinet for his groceries he wanted, the pop he likes, snack, cereals, canned goods and such. He bought his own shampoo, soap, toothpaste and such as he didn't like what we used. Why shouldwe pay for his? He is an adult, he should take responsibility for his own expenses.

Then, what he paidwe had set aside to give him when he was off work, it helped to give him some spending money, to pay his insurance, gas for his car.

I lived at home until I was 24, my parents paid for everything, car, insurance, I never had to spend a penny, and I was stupid, I didn't save a dime. Then, I marry and I had to learn the facts of life, how to plan, budget, consider expenses. That I couldn't go out and eat when I wanted to. I wanted an outfit, well, just buy it. Whoops, forgot, the electric bill needs to be paid.

I wish my parents has made me "pay rent" I might have been more responsible when I married. Not all adult children are as stupid as I was, some actually used their brains to save their money, but many don't.

So, my two cents worth.