Really interesting. Your use of the present tense in this way is interesting. The language is beautiful, but some of the time I wasn't really sure what exactly was going on.
|Our story starts with two lovers whose hearts beat in tune with the universe. A love undying, and a purpose few could recognize, our lovers court in secret throughout their young years. A chance meeting and her world is turned upside down. Our young maiden of fifteen years holds no other man in higher regard than he. And what chance timing. A new, unified Spain, and two unified young hearts. Destiny.
Cut to nineteen.
How could she? The girl from the coast. The girl whose father controlled local trade. The girl with money. Why would she? He was no more than a peasant boy. One clear evening, our lovers sneak away to the beach. Her father, having been called away on emergency business, told her not to wait up. She left the house, and ran with all her strength, her legs burning, knowing nothing but desire and will. She reaches his house ten minutes later. He is cleaning the stalls, finishing his chores for the night. Laughter. Hushed whispers and silent giggles as our young hero calls through the window, telling his elders he’s going for a walk. He tells them not to wait up.
The sand of the beach was perfect, as was the night. No breeze stirred the air, no people strolled along. Solitude. As the sun set they found a place where they could be as one. Where the heavens and the stars glanced down on them and smiled. They kissed. A moment of passion which would last forever amongst themselves and the ocean. He backs away, slowly, and gazes into her eyes. If only this could last forever. She’s more than beauty, she’s the embodiment of love.
The sun touches the horizon, beginning its silent descent into night. Suddenly there’s noise.
Her father races down the beach. Anger engraved in the lines of his face. His presence turns the sand into lava, a thick syrup from which nothing could escape. Her fathers unbridled rage was released upon the love of her life. Heart wrenching words are exchanged, she backs away and begins to cry. The two men of her life were tearing each other apart.
Her beau professes true love. Her father screams fallacies. It continues on for some time. Finally, A decision is to be made. Will our maiden stay with her father, and continue the life expected of her? Or will she follow her heart? Needless to say, the day her father discovered their relationship, the very stars ceased to move. The disappointment in his eyes was crippling.
He heart wins out. Our young lovers run, hand in hand, the air speeding in and out of them. Day turns into night and the pale light of the full moon played across their faces. Frantic and passionate glances are exchanged between the two. Is this right? Is this wrong? She stops and stares, the beauty of the night overwhelming her senses.
He notices she’s no longer with him and walks over, kisses her cheek; reassuring and gratifying. They run.
If only they could be one with the stars. A cosmic sized love belonged amongst the stars. He closes his eyes. Suddenly, his bride to be is dancing amongst the stars. The very galaxies embrace them. She dance’s along, swinging from nebula to nebula. Clutching the fabric of space and draping it around herself.
Morning arrives, and our lovers awake on a distant beach, the light is soft and warm. His senses tingle. She plays with his hair, its soft and smooth under her fingers. Each curl played against her skin in new ways. Is this what love is? Is this forever? They look into each others eyes and rise from the sand. She made her decision, wanted more from her life than money. She wants nothing more than his love. As they walk down the beach an orchestra plays. The choir slowly joins and announces our lovers fate to the heavens. They walk into the light of the morning, hand in hand, smiling.
Our story starts with two lovers whose hearts beat in tune with the universe.
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Comments 1 to 3 of 3