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Topic: Need to ask a question or two, or three........(long) (update down the page

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Date Posted: 12/2/2008 4:14 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
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Last Edited on: 1/13/14 1:15 AM ET - Total times edited: 5
Date Posted: 12/2/2008 4:51 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
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*Husband pulls S aside*

"Hi S, I'm sure you know that there are rumours being spread about you with your living situation.  I just wanted to let you know that if you like girls, that's ok.  If you don't and its just silly gossip, that's ok too.  I just wanted to let you know that I (and my wife Julie) will support you no matter what and we are always here for you to talk to."

*Husband gives S a hug or handshake or whatever he feels ok with.*

Subject: what Mel said ;~)
Date Posted: 12/2/2008 8:35 PM ET
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Date Posted: 12/2/2008 9:29 PM ET
Member Since: 8/18/2006
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Basically, ditto Mel -- but if you could ask her for coffee or dinner and have this conversation in a more relaxed setting, it would prolly be a bit easier.

Date Posted: 12/2/2008 9:38 PM ET
Member Since: 7/19/2008
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As you have had discussions on religion, coming from that point of view may help.  Something like that you feel that god loves everyone, if he made people to be gay, then it's part of the greater plan. 

Date Posted: 12/2/2008 11:39 PM ET
Member Since: 6/29/2005
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Honesty is the best policy no matter what. Make sure you husband want to talk to her about this. If he feels he can't maybe you could. Men aren't always good at the support speeches.

Thank you for caring enough to ask us who have been there.

Date Posted: 12/3/2008 8:19 AM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
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Last Edited on: 1/13/14 1:15 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/3/2008 2:11 PM ET
Member Since: 9/16/2007
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I think that's the way to go Julie, but he also might want to ask her if there's any particular way she'd like him to respond to the gossip next time he hears something. 

Date Posted: 12/4/2008 7:41 PM ET
Member Since: 7/21/2006
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I agree with all the above posts.  I would especially concur that it would be nice to ask her if she has any requests for support (what do you want me/us to say to gossipers?  do you need any other support around this?).  BTW, does the force have a non-discrimination policy?  That is, could the gossip (true or not) potentially affect her status at work?  If so, she may want to seek legal advice from an attorney or legal clinic.  Just thinking. . . . . .

Bless you for being loving.  Allies like yourself will turn the tide of bigotry bigtime in our country. 

Date Posted: 12/7/2008 12:03 AM ET
Member Since: 8/18/2006
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I hope it goes well, Julie -- please let us know. It's a tough situation, it's been in my thoughts.

Date Posted: 12/7/2008 10:33 AM ET
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Last Edited on: 1/13/14 1:14 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/7/2008 1:32 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
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at least he is the kind of guy that cares. some of us dont have that luxury at our jobs, me being one of those unlucky ones.

however, my girlfriend does have a couple of guys at work that would follow that same train of thought as your husband. which is great for me since she works in a prison. the last thing she needs to worry about is fellow officers not having her back. she knows that these particular guys will be there if the time comes that she needs them.

Date Posted: 12/10/2008 5:01 PM ET
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Last Edited on: 1/13/14 1:14 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/10/2008 9:00 PM ET
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Great!  Glad he could be there for her and be supportive.  That's so important and it feels really damn good.

Date Posted: 12/10/2008 9:58 PM ET
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Last Edited on: 1/13/14 1:14 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/10/2008 10:05 PM ET
Member Since: 7/23/2007
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That is great Julie!

Kuddos to you and hubby for caring.