Discussion Forums - LGBTQ LGBTQ

Topic: Boys Don't Cry Movie

Club rule - Please, if you cannot be courteous and respectful, do not post in this forum.
Page:   Unlock Forum posting with Annual Membership.
T. -
Subject: Boys Don't Cry Movie
Date Posted: 12/7/2008 4:53 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

I didn't know this was a true story until the end of the movie.  How tragic.  Hillary Swank was spectacular as the main character (Brandon) and won all kinds of awards for her portrayal.  For those who don't know what the movie is about--from IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0171804/

Based on actual events. Brandon Teena is the popular new guy in a tiny Nebraska town. He hangs out with the guys, drinking, cussing, and bumper surfing, and he charms the young women, who've never met a more sensitive and considerate young man. Life is good for Brandon, now that he's one of the guys and dating hometown beauty Lana. However, he's forgotten to mention one important detail. It's not that he's wanted in another town for GTA and other assorted crimes, but that Brandon Teena was actually born a woman named Teena Brandon. When his best friends make this discovery, Brandon's life is ripped apart

 

Date Posted: 12/7/2008 7:39 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
Back To Top

yeah. it is a very difficult movie for me to watch. ive been in those positions before. being as butch/boi as i am..some guys just dont take well to it.

very sad, very tear jerking, very depressing movie...but worth watching.

Date Posted: 12/7/2008 9:03 PM ET
Member Since: 2/2/2008
Posts: 1,583
Back To Top

The story is horrible enough.  The fact that it's true makes me so angry that I can't watch it.

T. -
Date Posted: 12/7/2008 9:56 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

Evan, had I known it was a true story, I probably couldn't have watched it.  True crime haunts me.  I hadn't watched a true story since the one with Ellen Page as the girl who was tortured and killed.  Can't remember the name right now.

Anyway, it is a sad commentary on society that there are still people who will KILL you if you are different. 

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 12:43 AM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

I watched the movie knowing it was a true story of course since Brandon, and the movie, is always discussed when there is a ftm hate crime.  The movie was and still is hard for me to watch knowing that any day, I could be next especially as my social transition continues and my medical transition starts.

T. -
Date Posted: 12/8/2008 4:40 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

Mel, I didn't originally say it, but the whole time I was watching the movie, I was thinking of you--and I think that's why it especially made an impact on me.  Yes, it was apparent that Brandon had some impulse problems--he didn't know when to just walk away from a bad situation, but he didn't deserve what he got.  I was especially upset at the way the police handled the rapes.  They CALLED the accused to let them know that a report had been filed against them and to come in the next day to talk about it????  WTH? 

Friends, please be careful. 

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 4:44 PM ET
Member Since: 3/15/2008
Posts: 9
Back To Top

I first saw this movie several years ago, & was left breathless at the brutality of the ending.  I remember hearing about the crime when it happened on the news several years ago.  It still saddens & scares me that in this day & age this kind of consuming hatred even exists. The idea that someone could actually steal another person's life, simply for being who or what they are makes me physically ill. Granted, my partner & I live in a very rural area in a very conservative state, but I suppose we have been fortunate. There are always those who choose to voice their opinions & even in some ways perpetuate the hatred, but for the most part, we have not had too many problems.  We were the first openly gay/lesbian couple to have a child at this particular school, & we now have several gay/lesbian couples with children in our district. We are active in our son's school, & the athletic's program there, as well as the PTO & people have kind of gotten to know us. It's harder to hate someone when you know them.  What I found most tragic about Brandon's life is that he was just finally beginning to emerge as the person he wanted to be when his life was snuffed out by a sick, twisted individual who is still living & breathing. 

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 6:24 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

TG,

Thanks for thinking of me, that movie really put a damper on my coming out.  Imagine finally being free and being happy about it that you can finally be yourself, and then learning that 1 in 12 transgendered people are going to die violently and then be exposed to this movie. It rocked my world in a very bad way.  I am much more aware of my surroundings now and unfortunately I tend to be very distrustful of many people when I first meet them especially if I don't know them well or if they are LGBT or allies.  I've been jumped a few times around here, and just a month ago, someone at my daughter's school found out I was trans (its not that hard to find out) and they started to attack my daughter to get to me.  When I was younger, they would just go after me.

It can be very difficult to really walk away from a situation mostly because its the same old story in many small towns.  Brandon's real hope would have been to get to a large liberal city and I don't think he really could have afforded that.  And if he really didn't know many other transgendered individuals, that can make it so much more difficult to transition.  I don't know what I would have done without the resources that I had when I was coming out.  I think so much about Brandon and all the others.  it's quite a scary world we live in.  I just wish it wasn't like that.

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 7:50 PM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
Back To Top

Mel - thanks again for sharing some of your story.  It helps me to understand what trans people have to go through and deal with in their lives.

I have not yet seen this movie, and I think that I'll have to wait to see it until I feel better emotionally...

T. -
Date Posted: 12/8/2008 11:36 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

Mel, If I ever say something insensitive or the "wrong thing," please tell me.  Okay?  (talking about your siggy)

Mary, I hope you get on a more even keel. 

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 12/9/2008 12:20 AM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
Back To Top

It's a tough movie, but an important one.  Hillary Swank did an incredible job. I think everyone needs to see it.

 

 

Date Posted: 12/9/2008 6:39 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

Don't worry, I will tell you if there is a problem now that you said you were open to it.  Usually when people say they want to know, they really don't want to know so I get in trouble when I tell them.

I am not looking forward to this week.  On Sunday my daughter asked me why she has two daddies and why I think I am a boy.  I am not looking forward to this especially given how much I know she talks to others.  I have to be very selective in my choice of words knowing that this is going to end up the talk of kindergarten.

 

T. -
Date Posted: 12/9/2008 6:50 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

Oh yeah,  at that age they tell EVERYTHING they hear.  I feel for you and hope it goes well.  I'd be interested in knowing how you will approach the subject. 

 

T. -
Date Posted: 12/10/2008 1:20 AM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

I was reading some more about the Brandon Teena case and discovered the times lines for reality and the movie were different.  I also read that his mother sued the sheriff's office and won $80K.  They lost the rape kit and disregarded evidence and refused to arrest the men for rape.  I read that there was also another person present and murdered at the scene who was not present in the movie.  Brandon's love interest also sued the studio for using her name and likeness without permission and settled for an undisclosed amount.  The 2 men in jail are still going through appeals, trying to counteract each others testimony.

There was also a blurb about other actresses considered--Drew Barrymore.  I don't think she could have pulled the movie off with the intensity Swank managed.  There was also some information on wiki about how Swank lived as a man for weeks before the shoot and her neighbors had no idea it was her.  She was so thin in the movie---I wonder if she lost weight to get that angular look.

Yep, this story is haunting me.  Ignore me if I am too bothersome.

Date Posted: 12/10/2008 5:04 AM ET
Member Since: 11/2/2008
Posts: 573
Back To Top

I remember this movie. I don't think I could watch it again. I am appalled and deeply troubled how vicious people can be.  How can anyone say to be gay/lesbian/transgendered is awful when they're capable of that kind of violence? That is so completely twisted.

Mel, I hope you and your family are always surrounded by those who love and support you. I know this isn't possible one hundred percent of the time, but I wish it all the same.



Last Edited on: 12/12/08 6:38 AM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 12/10/2008 2:27 PM ET
Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 7,581
Back To Top

Our college showed this every year in the movie theater on National Coming Out day.  It's amazing and I agree, everyone should see it.  I really love Chloe Sevigny and heard that she won't discuss the film - did anyone else hear that and know why?

Date Posted: 12/10/2008 2:39 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

Thanks LB, most of my online friends are all supportive, but my RL friends aren't exactly around here anymore.  :(

TG, I've got to take this slowly and steadily or else I could really screw things up.  And I am envious of Swank if she lived as a man before entering the role and that the neighbors didn't know it was her.  I've been living as a man for 1.5 years and there is no hiding my past.  When I pass, its amazing, but more often than not I don't.  Luckily how my therapist defines full time and passing means one does not have to require the other.  :)

T. -
Date Posted: 12/10/2008 6:55 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

Mel, I found this interview where Swank talks about preparing.  She said she even had trouble finding someone who would give her a boy's haircut!

http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/swa0int-1

She talks about trying to get people to give her feedback--to tell her what "gave her away" as being a female, etc.  She claims she lived as a man for 4 weeks before the movie was shot, working on all aspects of her appearance.  She doesn't claim to have a coach helping her, but I would think that she probably would.   The interview was good, except I wasn't happy with her using the "she or he" pronouns. 

And about passing---I'm not your therapist and I'm not living your life, but I say this with love--just be who you are--try not to struggle so much with what the outside looks like.  I know that is a hard thing--and people of all walks of life have to deal with the way they look when they look different--burn victims, people with port wine stains on their faces, little people, severely obese people, and even people who aren't attractive by societies definition--they struggle, wanting to appear as an ideal--when others will love and accept them the way they are if they would just be who they are and accept what they look like.  Does that make any sense?

Date Posted: 12/11/2008 1:02 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

Yes, the haircut thing is a big deal and no one will deal with it.  My therapist made some comments about that, but when I finally did have a boys haircut I actually ended up passing less than I did when my hair was shoulder length styled androgynously.  That part I will never understand but I grew it back out and this is the result with my hair tied back : http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=34794155&l=7cc7d&id=29413658 and that is my best passing photo.

Thanks, and you know, I have asked what is giving me away.  Its usually the fact I have a high pitched voice that there is nothing I can do about except take hormones.  I am also told I am too cute and that boys aren't as cute as I am.  ;-)  I already bind 34DDDDs to almost flat, but there is nothing I can do about my hips except take hormones.  It can be very stressing especially when the outside and the inside don't match.  Even with coaching (which I've had for several years) it can be very hard to pass.

T. -
Date Posted: 12/11/2008 4:14 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

I already bind 34DDDDs to almost flat

How in the world do you breathe?  I want to thank you for sharing some of your issues on the board.  I know that it must be difficult, because you aren't sure how people will react.  Of course I talked to you before I ever knew that you were a ftm--and honestly, if you would have told me back then, I wouldn't have cared.  I was just tickled to find someone extremely intelligent to converse with and I was tickled to pawn off a bunch of books on you ;0)

I had a bf once who had a falsetto voice--nothing feminine about him except his voice.  I saw him a few months ago--still high pitched, working in the oilfields, so he was built like a body builder. 

My elder daughter is anti-feminine.  She wears only unisex clothes (jeans and tshirts) and doesn't do makeup or anything beyond putting her hair in a ponytail.  Then she plays with goats all day, so I won't even mention how she smells LOL  

Wouldn't life be grand if we could just eliminate some of the labels we and others put on ourselves.  I know of a few I'd like to be able to forget.

 

Date Posted: 12/11/2008 6:02 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

Breathe?  What is this concept that you speak of?  LOL  :)  Here is a link for you on my binding : http://pics.livejournal.com/melsmarsh/tags/binding/  You really get used to wearing the binding stuff.  It's quite uncomfortable and it is really useful to have someone who will help you get them off since they are so tight.  One of my other ftm friends has said that my ability to bind violates the laws of physics.  ;)  The first thing my therapist said to me when I walked into her office for the first time (well other than "Are you Mel?") was "My god you bind well!  I would never have imagined you are the size you claim to be!"

There are times when these issues can be painful to discuss and there are times when I don't even think about it. twice  The Thomas Beattie incident on CMT was painful and the fallout from it was even worse.  I got some support but a lot of anger from those who I thought were my friends (they claimed to be LGBT allies) which led me to lose several.  Oh well, too bad, so sad.  I will be laughing my butt off when I become more successful than they are even though I have more obstacles in my path.  Trust me I will be the one to have the final word and last laugh.

And also trust me, I do actually USE the books as reference once in a while!  ;)  Thanks, I'm not that intelligent, I just play intelligent well.  ;)

 

T. -
Date Posted: 12/12/2008 12:45 AM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
Back To Top

I looked at the pics...I had 2 responses..one earlier and one later.  LOL  I bet you can guess.....

Date Posted: 12/12/2008 6:36 AM ET
Member Since: 11/2/2008
Posts: 573
Back To Top

Okay, Mel. You are attractive. And photogenic!  I can't imagine having a chest that large as man or woman.  I'm surprised you don't have back problems. I  don't know your history. May I ask if you intend to have your breasts removed eventually?

I feel like T. I do not understand why it is so hard to love people the way they are meaning how you define yourself. What does it matter if we initially are a little confused when we meet someone and we can't quickly peg them into a box? (I can't think of a better word)

Date Posted: 12/12/2008 12:38 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

Thank you L.B. and actually I have had back problems.  I went through puberty at the age of 7 so they've been there for a while.  I've been asking to have them removed or at least reduced since the age of 10.  ;-)

The short answer is Yes, I want them GONE.

The long answer is I planned surgery several times, but its been mostly financial reasons why I have not had it.  When I went full time (rather I was "given permission" to go full time) and realised that I couldn't live as a non-op, I found out that I had medical insurance and that they would pay for a reduction.  Usually you can get surgeons to code it as a reduction instead of what it is and thus get medical insurance to pay.  I went to my GP who said I had back problems, I went to X-ray, a back specialist a few times, an MRI, and then 8 sessions of physical therapy to make insurance happy.  As soon as they said I was approved for medically necessary reduction, my partner got laid off for 4 months and we lost insurance.  During all the time dealing with the back thing, I went to therapy to get my letter for surgery.  Then I got my own separate insurance just in time so I didn't have a pre-existing condition clause.  Then my partner got a job.  As soon as I had more than enough for the deductable and I was about to go for a surgical consultation, BAM, I was suspended at work for two months.  I only just started work again.  I just barely have enough for the deductable and now I might as well wait until the new year so then my deductible will be more useful as I will have other expensive visits to deal with next year since I want my proper puberty darn it!

Date Posted: 12/12/2008 12:40 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
Back To Top

TG - Can I imagine that "Ow!" was one of them?  I showed the binding photos to a lesbian friend and I swear she actually covered her chest as if she was trying to prevent her boobs from "seeing" the pictures.  I have crazy friends.

Page: