A codependent person let's another's behavior affect them..., March 8, 2001
Reviewer: Heather E. McAndrews "hes911" (PA, United States)
This book is good for people who find themselves depressed and needing some insight on why they feel the way they do. After reading this book the other book by Melody Beattie "Beyond Codependency" will help you fix the codependent problem. These books will help anyone who is dealing with an alcoholic relationship or any other dependent relationship. If you find yourself care-taking all the time, i.e.: thinking or feeling responsible for other people, feel it is your responsibility to help other people solve their problems, feel needy people are always attracted to you, and feeling unappreciated or used; or you have weak boundaries with the people in your life; you have dependency issues; poor communication; and low self-worth- you are codependent. I didn't think I was, but this book laid my life out perfectly. If you are feeling crazy for the way you are feeling read this book and you will understand why you are feeling the way you are. It is normal -- it is just that you are a codependent person and you need to fix that.
Bky its nature, alcoholism and other compulsive disorders create victims out of everyone close to the afflicted person. Whether the person you love is an alcoholic, a gambler, a foodaholic, a workaholic, a sexaholic, a criminal, a rebellious teenager, or a neurotic parent, this book is for you--the codependent.
This is where to start if you are living with an alcoholic, drug addict, someone with mental illness or other irresponsible person. Or if you get lost in other people, if other people's problems take over your life, if you find yourself feeling unappreciated for all you do, if you are always angry or unable to feel angry, if you worry incessantly about someone else's actions, if you are always reacting to life's problems and you never seem to have time to build a life instead, you may identify with this book. Every chapter honors your right and ability to make your own decisions. This book is not about how to leave someone or how to make someone stop drinking, it's about how people like us can take care of ourselves and stop being ruled by someone else's needs. It is the most validating book I've ever read. It was amazing to see my own inner and outer struggles in print, written by someone I don't even know. Immediately, I felt a decrease in shame and loneliness, just to know that what I was experiencing was common and normal for someone in my position. I will probably never swap it because I could read it again and again.
Classic book on the role spouses or significant others often play in a relationship with a person with some type of dependency (alcohol, substance abuse, gambling, etc.). The attempt to control the dependent person makes you crazy - and keeps the dependent person dependent. The book helps you become aware of, and step back from, that cycle.
It may be hard for those in the co-dependent role to see themselves clearly and realize they are a part of the problem. This book is really eye-opening. Melody Beattie speaks credibly from her own marital experience - not as a psychologist - and provides a guide for breaking the cycle.