Wow, Jason. Like it!
|-----i believe in studying my dreams. just thought i would share my dream notebook today.------
i'm beating no one. my contest is a completed war. slurping water from my hands. do you see what this war has done to us? the spoils are nothing that i would favor, even if they were not left to me. i'm remembering troubles, vivid dreams.
i was getting ready to get into bed with you and you said that you think you understand love. as you were explaining to me your theories of a complexity invisible. you began to cough. a hard cough, like the possessed trying to keep their spirits contained.
nest moment i turn around and you are holding your mouth. you were trying to hold the vomit in. you tried very hard to keep it in. i watched you throw the covers to reveal your body to the brisk room air. i ran to help you as you signaled me away. a vortex, soft, fell onto my exposed skin as you ran for the door. as you open the door, i noticed you trying to swallow your vomit. warm fragments of food.
right then your swallow attempt forced a cough then a gasp, almost at once. more food and acid and mucus forced it's path back into your mouth. pressure immense. sour smell as a spray of pale orange and green flows from your delicious lips.
in my dream my hand rubbed your inner thighs as my wrist grazed over the soft curly vines around your garden. making contact with the bridge of your pelvic bone. as the room starts to spin, you turn toward me. your vomit collides with my chest as i try to kiss you. bit by bit what was once inside of you is now touring down my chest. my genitals are a sopping mess and my legs have small rivers of warm, becoming chilly rivers of you.
i continue to hold you until you are finished expelling your sadness from your stomach.
my arms hold your precious nervous body. there is nothing wrong in my eyes. as i gaze into your red glass eyes for a second you suddenly hold me away from you. & it's in that moment that you peel your skin back from your chest and gather your lungs for me to hold. blood on your hands and pooling around our feet.
"i don't want you to have my heart ."
you said as you cried. my head became a necular testing field when i heard your words in that dream.
"if you take my... why did you touch my thigh? i'm innocent, don't you now that?"
and you pull my head in close you whisper in my ear, "i could kill you now and rebuild the same person at least twenty more times."
my brain leads my foot to step away, just a little.
i start to question you about never minding me touching you before.
and you replied "you were my back-up. the dream before the dream, my tampon, my controllable muse."
i explained that "you can take your hurt solo, i don't want you here."
so you gathered your vomit in a suit case, ripped your lungs out of my hands and walked away. my last vision was you walking naked away from where i was standing. i focused hard on the shape of your body and thought it rather strange that the top of your thighs, as you walk never touched, just made an empty diamond shape.
i woke up in a sweat and thought nothing about what i was dreaming and kicked the comforter off of my bed. as i start to fall asleep again, which is pure seconds, try to tell myself it's not normal to dream like that. that i should talk to someone in the morning.
the sound of a clock is ticking as i feel myself laying in a pitch black void. i sense someone there just above my head and i start to tell them about my last dream. after all was said and done, after i had poured out my heart a light turned on above me and i could smell a stench very strong, as i remember. i was talking to a dead dog bloated and full of abscesses, rotting teeth and maggots at feast.
behind the light i knew everyone i had ever met was watching me, and as i stood there were thirteen other dogs laying like minutes on a clock around me in an oval shape. every dog was alive and sleeping except the one dog i decided to telling everything to.
i felt ashamed and ran to the ticking of the clock until i fell off the earth, deep into icy air.
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