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Topic: I may put my daughter back in public school

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Subject: I may put my daughter back in public school
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 4:57 PM ET
Member Since: 4/26/2006
Posts: 3,201
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As much as it breaks my heart to even think about...

I cannot go on with her the way things are now. She will not cooperate. Her behaviour is horrible and only getting worse. She is not learning. I am getting to the point where I think going back to school is the only answer.

I really don't want to,but it is a real possibility.

Date Posted: 9/16/2008 8:27 PM ET
Member Since: 8/24/2006
Posts: 312
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How old is your daughter?? I have had some very frustrating days with my 3 daughters I can understand your doubts. Is she frustrated with the curriculum? Is she in favor of going to school? Has she ever been to public school?

Sorry for all the questions

angel

Date Posted: 9/16/2008 10:05 PM ET
Member Since: 4/26/2006
Posts: 3,201
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yes, Angel, she was in PS until a couple of years ago. She will be 12 in Novemeber. we were so frustrated with the school system and Megan not learning we decided to take it upon ourselves.

It's been good/bad. She's still not where she needs to be. She has a major attitude problem. There are behavior issues other than schoolwork, although she thinks she is home she doesn't have to do anything unless she wants to.

She doesn't want to go back to school here, she would like to go to a small school. Which is why if we make this move to Wyoming (Another story in CMT) she could go to PS there and we would be ok with that.

She is causing alot of stress in our family and unfortunately her not being here a good portion of the day may alleviate some of that.

Date Posted: 9/17/2008 1:00 AM ET
Member Since: 5/13/2006
Posts: 2,157
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Mary - You had spoken earlier about counseling for your daughter.  Did it help?  Have you spoken with your counselor?  If she's going to attend school, she may need an IEP or 501 plan to deal with behavior issues in the classroom.  It's a hard place to be in, I will keep you all in our prayers...

Date Posted: 9/17/2008 2:09 PM ET
Member Since: 4/26/2006
Posts: 3,201
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Theresa, we had a lapse in insurance for a bit, but it is all straightened out now. We are actually going to the counselor this afternoon.

The behaviour issues were never a problem in PS. They are mostly directed at me, sometimes at my husband,but mostly me.

Date Posted: 9/17/2008 4:56 PM ET
Member Since: 10/25/2007
Posts: 3,220
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deleted d/t privacy concerns



Last Edited on: 10/31/08 9:40 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/17/2008 10:05 PM ET
Member Since: 5/13/2006
Posts: 2,157
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Mary - I'm glad to hear that you are able to get to the counselor.  I hope you got some support today!

Date Posted: 9/18/2008 1:53 AM ET
Member Since: 6/30/2006
Posts: 2,303
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We deal with attitude too. I wanted so much to be able to teach DD at home, but she would not learn anything except how to win a power struggle.

We have just this week started trying very hard to establish a very firm routine with a daily schedule and expectations of exactly what is to be done when. So far it seems to be helping (partly because we have tied her allowance to it). She seems to be more often happier and is trying to "do what she is supposed to".

It is a hard decision to have to make. Maybe Wyoming will work out and the change will help.



Last Edited on: 1/23/09 9:35 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Subject: Good discussion books
Date Posted: 9/18/2008 10:57 AM ET
Member Since: 12/31/2007
Posts: 173
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I too had problems with my son and attitude. And I just wanted to share with everyone that I found out through a christian counselor and naturapath that he had some nutritional deficiencies. That when the body isn't getting all the nutrients it needs or has too much sugar sometimes it can't think right. She also gave us a special school program for kids with dyslexia and ADHD. Her name is Dianne Craft for any of you this might relate too.

I also got counseling from a pastor to start my son reading his Bible by himself first thing in the morning, and Wow has that made a difference! God's word is so powerful. I have found some good discussion books for families having devotion time with their children. They are the LIFEGUIDE FAMILY BIBLE GUIDES and we just keep praying everytime we have an attitude problem whether it is mine or his. God has planted our feet on firmer ground! Just wanted to share this.

Blessings,

Date Posted: 9/18/2008 5:43 PM ET
Member Since: 10/25/2007
Posts: 3,220
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Also James Lehman does a good series called The Total Transformation Program. It comes as a set of CDs and a workbook. You can get it on ebay, used, for a good price. PM me I know how to find the best buy, I bought mine from there.

partially deleted d/t privacy concerns



Last Edited on: 10/31/08 9:41 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Subject: the name of the book
Date Posted: 9/19/2008 1:14 AM ET
Member Since: 10/25/2007
Posts: 3,220
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The name of the book I was referring to is - Get Out Of My Life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the Mall? It is by Anthony E. Wolf, Ph. D.



Last Edited on: 10/31/08 9:42 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/25/2008 7:04 PM ET
Member Since: 2/1/2007
Posts: 208
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I wish I could give this advise to every parent who has a child who is having problems like the ones you all have written about.  When you are in public schools, insist that the child be tested, be persistent about it.  Testing DOES NOT mean placement in a special class.  It is the testing that you would have to pay up to $1000 privately and will be done free by the public schools.  The testing will have input from the child's teachers , the parents, and the child  also.  It will example her intellectual ability, strengths and weaknesses, finding out how she learns best.  It will involve observations of her in classroom settings and will determine exactly where she is grade wise in all the academic areas like reading and math.  And it will observe emotional issues if any are present.  All of the testing will be standardized, that is objective, scores will be given that are given in grade level and/or age level ranges, so you can see exactly where your child is functioning in so many areas.

You can learn so much about your child, perhaps and usually why she is having problems.  For instance, if the letters move around or reverse , of course, reading work will be very difficult, if her auditory memory is 3 grade levels below where she is, of course, she's going to have trouble remembering what the teacher says and following directions.  Frustration with these kinds of problems often lead to "attitude" or behavior problems.

After the testing , you , the teachers, and the psychologist will meet to go over the results and determine if she is eligible for any special services and if so, what kind and to what extent.  Most children do well with just one period of help either in the regular classroom or in a smaller class.  A plan is made for the child and modifications to accomodate his special needs  are formed.  These modifications must be followed.  Your child can not fail a class because of his particular disability.  He couldn't get an F in Science because he couldn't read the tests, for example.  You have the right to agree to the placement or not.  But at least, you now have a lot of  information that can help you work with and understand your child's needs.

Please remember too that private schools and tutoring  centers do not  have Exceptional Ed teachers and do not have to make any modifications for children with special needs.

As you can see, I'm a big proponent for public schools for children with special needs.  They are required by law to provide the most appropriate education for all children.

Date Posted: 9/25/2008 7:05 PM ET
Member Since: 2/1/2007
Posts: 208
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Sorry, Everyone, that should be "advice" of course

Date Posted: 9/26/2008 10:41 PM ET
Member Since: 10/25/2007
Posts: 3,220
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Last Edited on: 10/31/08 9:42 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/27/2008 12:08 PM ET
Member Since: 2/2/2007
Posts: 4,588
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Mary, how are things going with your daughter? Is the counsel making a difference?

Been praying for you.

Date Posted: 9/29/2008 10:05 AM ET
Member Since: 1/12/2006
Posts: 4,972
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If she won't cooperate at home, what makes you think she will cooperate at school?! I would try to get your daughter some counseling if there are mental health/behavioral issues that need addressing and maybe try a more unschooling approach to homeschooling for now . I honestly really don't think public school is your answer.

There are several really good homeschooling books on unschooling, including  Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-child Relationships from Reaction And Struggle to Freedom,  Power And Joy, The Unschooling Unmanual,  and  The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education.

Good luck!

Date Posted: 9/30/2008 10:22 PM ET
Member Since: 7/24/2007
Posts: 2,269
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As a public school teacher, I would like to make a comment. I have read many of your responses and your words were "destructive." The 16 year old really surprised me. She destroyed a wooden fence, a wall, and cut herself at home with parental supervision. You seemed upset that her 4th grade teacher wanted her on meds. If you had that kind of behavior at home, just what were you expecting from a teacher with 20+ other students in the same classroom.  Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that the girl is doing well and pray for her continued success. However, as a teacher, I can only do so much. I work very hard, many times putting in 12 hour days without so much as a lunch or rest room break. I do everything within my power to help my students succeed, but feel very strongly that if as child is exhibiting that kind of behavior, it is past time to seek outside help. While the school can do some testing, you will find much more help by seeking several opinions from medical doctors and professionals rather than relying on school couselors and diagnosticians. They are good, but if you had cancer you would seek a 2nd and possiby 3rd opinion. Do the same for your child.

Date Posted: 9/30/2008 11:10 PM ET
Member Since: 10/25/2007
Posts: 3,220
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Last Edited on: 10/31/08 9:44 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 11/12/2008 10:11 AM ET
Member Since: 1/7/2006
Posts: 523
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Just reading  these posts makes me feel so much more "normal". I too have a 13 yo son who would much rather play his guitar and games all day than do any "school work".

I think it is alot harmones and some of the normal ansgt of having to leave childhood and becoming more reponsible.

He has never been a real book learner. He loves to do construction type things, so we do more hands on than most.

The "teacher" inside of me gets frustrated that he hates worksheets and paperwork. So i have had to adapt my teaching to his style of learning, Not always easy.

He is a good kid, he is creative and funny and keeps us laughing. Sometimes you just have to keep your eye on the positive things about your teen.

And PRAY !

 

Subject: Linda P
Date Posted: 11/17/2008 7:43 PM ET
Member Since: 11/8/2008
Posts: 8
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Linda P right on! I have been HS over 12 years. We have a daughter in college, she started at age 16. She will have her degree in 1 1/2 years and carried 4.0 GPA the entire time. When she was at home she gave me a hard time with writing. I only required one great paragraph per week. She would create skits and interviews and video tape what she learnerd with her friends. She created costumes and everything. She was very creative and liked music and videos. We geared her teaching around that. Guess what her major is................. ENGLISH ;-) Funny who would have thought. Well her minor is marketing, as she wants to market Christian entertainment.

Our son, he is totally focused on medieval, weaons, computers and games. We gear his teaching to what he is passionate about.

Our youngest daughter likes drawing, animals & creative writing. We gear her learning towards these subjects. We believe that each child has a gift and learn is different ways and we can't put each of them in boxes.

Our son is also a reading machine, only on the topics he chooses.  Of course math is a necessity and that is something they have to do. We encourage them to do it first thing in the morning and that way they can work on the things they enjoy.

We have noticed that each one of them love to learn and will 90% of the time choose a book over TV now. Believe me, we tried workbooks, textbooks etc...now we choose topics that interest them and boy do we see them dig in, especially if they are the ones to choose the topic.

We homeschooled our neighbor, she was having a very hard time at school. COme to find out she was on a 3rd grade level and supposed to be in 9th grade. We found out what she was passionate about...it was FASHION, so we geared math and everything else around fashion. We let her be creative too. If we were studying Romans she would focus on the fashion and food part of that. She made costumes for that time period too.

Hey, if they like bikes let them dig into the history of that. If they like computers have them dig deeper into that. Find out where their interst are. The most important thing we need to make sure of is that our children can read, write and understand math, why not allow them to explore their interest more. Believe me,....it goes from that to them wanting to explore other areas. This teaches them reading, digging for information and more.

Yes, we all have our times, just like the neighbor she was into so much junk and rebellious, then when she was homeschooled she found her niche and just grew so much.

This sending to Public or PS is a very hard decision. My friend had a situation like yours with your daughter. Sad though, her daughter took the wrong path. For the past 2 years she has had a battle even worse then it was when she was home. She has been in therapy and all. Had her in public and private school. Both schools she ended up clinging to the wrong crowd. They were into cutting. This is a hard situation, as she grew up in a strong christian home.

I will pray for you all right now. Best wishes.

 



Last Edited on: 11/17/08 7:46 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 11/18/2008 12:10 AM ET
Member Since: 4/26/2006
Posts: 3,201
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I haven't been back to this thread or the hs forum for awhile. I have been kind of easing back on my dd, partly for our peace of mind to avoid fights..

We have got her with a new counselor and in Dec she is being evaluated by a psychiatrist to determine if meds will help (I think they will). In talking to three different couselors myself, we have determined there is some kind of mood disorder going on. So I am trying to change my approach with her until we figure it out.

I have not given her so much "bookowork" to do, but she has been asking alot of questions so I am trying to turn those questions into mini lessons. I am making sure she is reading too. Guess there is just not alot of structure to it lately. Which dh disagrees with me on. He thinks if she is not sitting down working on "Bookwork" so many hours a day she is not learning anything.

Hoping if meds is the answer we can even her out and get back on track with peaceful schoolwork and peaceful life.

Date Posted: 11/18/2008 7:11 PM ET
Member Since: 4/7/2007
Posts: 335
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Frugalmom, hang in there.  Parenting a 12 year oldis very challenging.  12 year olds are experiencing huge physical and emotional growth spurts.  It is not unusual for them to have fierce mood swings and to be exhausted one minute and exhilarated the next.  Remember when your daughter was a toddler, and she learned a new skill like climbing?  If she was anything like all the toddlers I've known, she was alternately excitable and exhausted and prone to huge mood swings. 

Teens are EXACTLY LIKE toddlers.  Although we expect them to be more rational and reasonable due to their large size, they are experiencing a similar growth spurt to the one they experienced ten years ago. 

They suddenly need tons more food, tons more sleep, and one minute they want to curl up on your lap and the next they growl at you like an animal. 

Having so far survived two teens, my experience has been that it is far better to understanding of their situation than to struggle against it.  Learning happens in many ways but NEVER under coercion and strife.  If you and your daughter are butting heads, even if you can get her to do a task, learning is probably not happening.

I went through this with my son at 12 and 13 and was at the end of my rope by the time he turned 14 until it finally dawned on me that he will soon outgrow this incredibly difficult stage and resume learning at rapid pace.  Which I believe has happened.  And even though we clashed, somehow we managed to maintain a fairly decent relationship.

Best of luck.  Feel free to vent anytime.  I am CERTAIN that you and your family will come through this strong and together.

Subject: help with your daughter
Date Posted: 11/22/2008 9:17 AM ET
Member Since: 11/21/2008
Posts: 5
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Hello frugal mom! First of all, how long have you been homeschooling your daughter and how old is she? I'm sure there is a reasonable explination and solution to this problem! Maybe she's acting out because she wants to go to public school, or she's just trying to see what she can and can't get away with, testing her bounderies! Are you able to provide a little more info on this?
Subject: help with your daughter
Date Posted: 11/22/2008 9:29 AM ET
Member Since: 11/21/2008
Posts: 5
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12 is a hard ages for a lot of mothers and daughters but never give up! Just remember-YOU are HER parent not vice versa! If anyone can take charge with her it will be you and not a PS teacher! Besides, if you let her back into public school, she might feel like her behavior controlled your reaction and decision and thats not the message you want to send! Stay in prayer, even fasting! Have you ever read Parenting by the book by John Roesmond? It's excellent! He really put things into a perspective and shows the parents that they are in charge, it's not a power struggle, you don't have to fight for it-it belongs to you no questions asked! I have the book but I never posted it because I figured I would read it again, but I would be happy to give it to you if you'de like!
Subject: your daughter
Date Posted: 11/22/2008 9:30 AM ET
Member Since: 11/21/2008
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sorry about the 1st message, I didn't read the whole thread before I wrote it! My bad!