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Topic: I'm engaged!!

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Subject: I'm engaged!!
Date Posted: 11/30/2007 1:42 PM ET
Member Since: 7/25/2005
Posts: 24,718
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Now, for all of you who already know I'm married, let me explain.

I have a very dear friend who still has one foot firmly planted in the closet.  That foot is labelled Work.  He  works for one of the larger pediatric hospitals in the area.  His gut feeling (not based on anything specifically said to him) is that being male in the world of pediatrics he "should" be married.

When he was first hired, he was asked if he was married and he said his wife had died (actually it was his partner, through complications due to AIDS).  That let him off the hook for several years.

He's being considered for a new posiiton.  A position of some esteem.  There's a big party in a couple of weeks and he was asked if he would be bringing anyone "special".   He's not seeing anyone right now.  He rang me up and asked if I'd pose as his fiancee.  I get a nice dinner out of it.

And it'll work because I live far enough away that no one will expect to see me often.  In fact, I live far enough away that that is why our engagement won't work out.

So congratulate me on my engagement -- and to a doctor, no less!  LOLOL

Date Posted: 11/30/2007 2:33 PM ET
Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 7,581
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What a shame that he doesn't feel like he can be out! 

 

ETA: Have fun, ani! :)



Last Edited on: 11/30/07 2:33 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 11/30/2007 3:11 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Wow, that's an odd story.  I worked in medicine for years, first on an ambulance, some stuff in between, ending up in a cardiology department, and I knew lots of "higher ups" who were openly and happily single, without a single questioning glance.  I find it odd that he can't just say there's nobody special right now, but thanks for asking. 

It is nice of you to be there for him.

Date Posted: 11/30/2007 3:15 PM ET
Member Since: 6/23/2005
Posts: 379
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You are a wonderful friend to do this for him - I hope he knows what a gift that is!

I'm sorry for him having to be closeted at work but know way too many people who feel they have to do that. They aren't ashamed of who they are, just pragmatic about how such a revelation would affect their ability to make a living.

Mazel tov on your engagement!

Date Posted: 11/30/2007 3:52 PM ET
Member Since: 9/16/2007
Posts: 998
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To a doctor!!!!  Oy, your mamaleh must be kvelling!!!

Mazel Tov!!

Date Posted: 11/30/2007 4:05 PM ET
Member Since: 3/10/2006
Posts: 2,819
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LOL, Jeanne.  Too funny.

Date Posted: 11/30/2007 4:07 PM ET
Member Since: 7/25/2005
Posts: 24,718
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Yes, all joking aside, I feel sorry for him.  I trust his judgment and feelings about it but I'm sorry he has to keep that one foot in the closet.

I'm happy that I can do this for him and that he trusts me enough to ask. 

Date Posted: 11/30/2007 5:33 PM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Ani - I know how you feel - we have 2 friends that are in various sections of the medical field here & neither one feels like they can be out AT ALL.   The reasons they give us are 'valid' enough, and we understand, but I guess I always personalize it & think that there is no way I could live like that.

That being said, I hope you have a great time & what the heck, you get to see a friend of yours & get to 'pretend' about being engaged again, lol.

Date Posted: 12/1/2007 2:09 AM ET
Member Since: 11/10/2006
Posts: 2,983
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Well, I hope he buys you a nice ring!  

Hey, does he dance???

 

(and don't forget to remove your wedding ring that night or people may think you are a bigamist in the making!)

Date Posted: 12/1/2007 8:20 AM ET
Member Since: 6/29/2005
Posts: 2,096
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Only you Ani and maybe  a few others would be sooooooooo kind hearted as to do this for a friend. Congrats and remind your hubby there are others looking... So don't get to lazy on the job :)  Blessings on your new relationship.

Date Posted: 12/1/2007 8:55 AM ET
Member Since: 4/20/2006
Posts: 5,706
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Sounds like the makings of a movie!  I'm sorry he can't just be who he is, but you are a wonderful friend to help him out.  My husband works in a large hospital here in the south with several openly out people, but I'm sure there are just as many that are still in the closet too.  Go easy on him when it's time to break up!

Date Posted: 12/10/2007 7:30 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Isn't it illegal to ask if someone is married or not when being considered for a job?

Other than that, a blessing on your house, mazel tov, mazel tov!  *continues to humm the rest of the Tevye's Dream song*

Date Posted: 12/11/2007 9:50 AM ET
Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 7,581
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Mel - I'm sure it is.  But I think he was asked if he was married in a casual kind of conversational way AFTER he started - that's my guess at least!

Date Posted: 12/27/2007 5:04 PM ET
Member Since: 7/25/2005
Posts: 24,718
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Quick update:  We went out last week.  The venue had changed from a huge dinner/dance to a more intimate party at a colleague's house.  That terrorized me!  But Randy and I had a good time and I think I did well by him. 

He told me later that several people commented on what a cute couple we made but others told him that they didn't think it would work out because I was a bit aloof.  Of course I was!  I was in a situation with 15-16 couples and I only knew one person!

But the important thing is Randy is off their list again and his promotion has come through!

Date Posted: 12/27/2007 5:27 PM ET
Member Since: 11/10/2006
Posts: 2,983
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Does this mean the engagement is off?   :)~~

Date Posted: 12/27/2007 9:15 PM ET
Member Since: 7/25/2005
Posts: 24,718
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Not quite.  At least, I think it's going to be some time before Randy tells them all that it didn't work out.  I did, however, have one woman ask him for my number because she admired the earrings I was wearing and I'd told her I'd made them.

I told Randy to give her my work number.

Date Posted: 1/31/2008 2:55 PM ET
Member Since: 7/25/2005
Posts: 24,718
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My engagement is over.  :-(

Randy called me last night and said we were invited to some Valentines Day (evening) thing and he told everyone it was over.  Evidently, I didn't want to move to the other side and we couldn't make it work. 

It was fun while it lasted (all of one evening!).  ;-)

Date Posted: 1/31/2008 3:38 PM ET
Member Since: 1/23/2006
Posts: 609
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You are a teriffic friend!

Date Posted: 1/31/2008 4:31 PM ET
Member Since: 7/25/2005
Posts: 24,718
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Thanks for the kind words.  I don't know that I'm a good friend but I hate the injustice of it all and will do my part (whatever that means) to change things. 

I got a nice enough dinner out of it and a chance to spend some quality time with Randy.  He's the one who has to put up with this BS day in and out. 

Oh and he left it that we're working on things so, if the need ever arises again, I can be pressed back into service.

My hat's off to all of you. You shouldn't have to work so hard to have the life you're entitled to.

Date Posted: 2/1/2008 9:01 PM ET
Member Since: 6/29/2005
Posts: 2,096
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Huggggggggggggs Ms Ani, You are right we should  not have  to play games and tell stories just because we love someone others don't agreee with... Soooooooooooo many of us live in a closet and it isn't untill we die that others find out the truth. Many Loves never loved just because of who we are,where we worked ,who they were... So many lonely people. Many taking their own lives over it!!!!!



Last Edited on: 2/2/08 5:11 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 2/2/2008 3:01 AM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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It just totally sucks that he has to play these sorts of games to be considered a viable job candidate. :/

I'm glad you were able to help him....even if it was for a sucky reason.