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Topic: Feedback,please

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Susan O. (SuzO) - ,
Subject: Feedback,please
Date Posted: 3/10/2008 10:36 AM ET
Member Since: 12/24/2004
Posts: 2
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If this is not the appropriate place to post and ask for feedback,I apologize in advance. If it is, I humbly ask for your indulgence.



Good Morning Girl Friend


Remember me?

I’ve been sitting here in the shadow of your discontent

Waiting for you to summon me

 For conversation and reflection.

You know girl, I’m always here for you.

We’ve been through a lot together

You and I against the rest of the world

That’s how it felt so many times I lost count.

Why do you wait so long to call forth your wisdom?

You know it never fails you.

Yet, wait you do until the flotsam and jetsam of life

Rise to your very nostrils.

Why you do that Girl is beyond me.

Your wisdom and your common sense

Tell you when the quicksand, muck and mire are rising.

You insist on staying in denial

Until your back is to the wall of pain and agony.


Girl, you know you don’t have to do that.

Pain is not the only indicator that you need to change direction.

Why do you ignore your flashes of insight and intuition?

They always need to knock down the damn door

When a light tap should do.

Why do you ignore the signs along the way?

Girl, they are etched in your gray matter.

They are part of who you are, not to be denied.

You worked too hard putting these sentinels in place.

They’ve put down roots, so don’t even think of turning your back on them.


They are your creation from your Wise Time and your power.

You count on them in your Now Time

When you feel all nasty and confused.

You’re gonna be all right Girl

Cause out of this solid Bank of Power and Wisdom

You can make unlimited withdrawals

Only you got to pay the price

You can pay now or pay later

Keep on checking those statements

Of debits and credits

The visual cannot be denied

Even by the queen of de-nial

And when you’re ready Girl

We will rise up and whomp their butt

Cause you got the power and the wisdom

Soon, you’ll find the strength

Then, ain’t nobody gonna do you in again.

Date Posted: 4/30/2008 2:35 PM ET
Member Since: 1/11/2007
Posts: 1,646
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I'd post it in the electic pen. 




Either that or there's another good site where writers can post their creative writing & get feedback. Editred is completely free and you get lots of constructive feedback. 


Last Edited on: 4/30/08 2:39 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Subject: I like it.
Date Posted: 5/7/2008 7:38 AM ET
Member Since: 4/21/2008
Posts: 90
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I like the perspective that you chose. It's very good.

Susan O. (SuzO) - ,
Date Posted: 5/23/2008 11:30 AM ET
Member Since: 12/24/2004
Posts: 2
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Thank you for responding! I thought I was out in space somewhere and couldn't be seen.