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Wow, maybe she was setting someone else's book on fire when she sent you that message? :)
Seriously, no matter what, when you get an unpostable book you should mark it RWAP! That way, the "repeat offenders" get caught and are dealt with. I know it feels icky to do so, but it should be done for the good of the PBS community. When you report this, you can ask for your credit back (although I'm thinkin' she's gonna say no), but the sender is not obligated to give it to you. It's up to you two to work it out. If it were me, I'd politely ask for my credit back, but wouldn't push it further if she is nasty to you in her response. Just chalk it up to a bad swap.