To me, the main idea of this story is the gun. No one at the company is allowed to see what they're making, but Dave finds out. I'd say the story is pretty much complete in that sense. Might want to tighten up the grammar, that's all.
|In no way do I claim this story as my own. It belongs to my friend Carter and he allowed me to put it up here for more feedback on it. From this point forward everything written is copied and pasted.
Dave was an average man. He was happy, he was a hard worker and loved his job. He always shopped at happy stores, ate at happy restraunts, wore happy clothes, and had a happy haircut. Everyday he walked to his beloved workplace, passing the unhappy side of town. Now, in this bewildering place, unspeakable atcs of horror occur daily, Dave was very frightened by this.
"Hey Dave!" came the familiar call of his best friend Chance from a second story window at Dream Co,
dream was a big factory where Dave and Chance both worked. It was a friendly place and nobody ever had to worry about getting fired, because the company was always getting bigger.
Everybody who worked for Dream Co was allowed to roam the building and complete work at their own pace, the only rule was that nobody was ever allowed to see what they were making, but nobody ever wondered though.
Dave entered the building and greeted everybody as he passed, this cheerful exchange was an everyday occurrence."Dave, good to see you!" Chimed Chance, "Whats new?"
"Hello Chance! I actually got a fish this morning." Dave replied.
"Awesome buddy! See you after work!"
Chance had been Dave's friend as long as Dave could remember. They looked and dressed very similar, Chance had always been Dave's sidekick of sorts. They allways do everything together, they even got their job at the same time. The major difference between them was that Chance was so terrified of the unhappy side of town he would avoid facing the same direction, even when he was nowhere near it.
After work Dave met up with Chance and they went to their favorite pizza place, HAPPINESS BY THE SLICE, they often ate here, but today was different, today, our story begins.
"So Dave you mentioned a new fish?" exclaimed Chance.
"Ya a little goldfish named Felix." Dave remarked
"Where did you get him?"
"On my way to work today i saw a man crawling towards me, he was coming from the unhappy side of town, he had a fish bowl and a note, he was in rough shape."
"Are you mad!?!?" shouted Chance, "You know you shouldn't be anywhere near there!"
"Ya, but i rescued the little fish he had."
"For all you know it could be cursed, or even poisoned!"
"Thats ridiculous!Why dont you come over and see for yourself?" Dave Finished.
They left the pizza and took off for Dave's house.
"He looks sick." Chance pointed out.
"I think he is getting used to all the light, thats all." explained Dave
"Your crazy! If we werent best friends I dont know what id do." and with that Chance left.
Dave spent hours watching the fish swim aimlessly around the spotless bowl. Dave then turned to the note which read: PLEASE HELP ME. I AM DYING, I JUST WANT MY FISH FELIX TO ENJOY A HAPPIER LIFE. Dave took this letter to heart, but after a few days he noticed Felix wouldn't eat. Dave tried everything, but realized his problem, Felix would only eat food from the unhappy side of town.
Dave padded himself up with pillows and put on a football helmet. He stopped before the vast darkness of the unhappy side of town. He walked into the everlasting tourture of night, unsure of the outcome. He didnt see anybody. Every single shop was boarded up, windows had bars where glass should be. Then Dave saw a man run into the street ahead, he was holding a firearm. Dave ducked behind a trash can and viewed the scene. Almost on que a gunshot echoed and a bullet and he fell entered the mans neck and he fell limp. After a safe amount of time Dave slunk over to the lifeless heep of a man. Dave examined the gun he had seen earlier and noticed the Dream Co. signature printed on the handle. This was extremely perplexing to Dave, so he ran home. Felix was dead when he arrived.
ok so tell me wut u think....its obviously not done any suggestion would be great!
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Comments 1 to 3 of 3