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Topic: My Heart is Breaking....about my post in cronic pain

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Subject: My Heart is Breaking....about my post in cronic pain
Date Posted: 11/4/2007 9:45 PM ET
Member Since: 3/20/2007
Posts: 272
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Today was a hard day.  The doctor called on Friday afternoon to inform me that some tests have been set up for Monday. Unfortunately, the tests require me to be admitted overnight. They are going to do multiple blood tests, CT scan, MRI, and some other things. Me and my husband sat our 9 yr old son down this evening after supper to tell him that mommy would not be home tomorrow night. As with all 9 yr olds, the questions started pouring out. We explained to him to an extent my problems, and with more questions, i let h im feel two of the tumors that are along my spine. He reached his hand back from feeling them and he fell into my arms, crying. My husband took him and sat him on his lap and told him that mommy was going to be just fine, that i just had to go and have some tests to see if they have to cut them out or if they can take another way to get them out. My son looks up from  this and said, 'they are going to cut you?' I told him yes, and my husband said that they have to be very careful because they are on the spine.  Unbeknownst to us, they have been discussing the spinal cord and effects from injuries at the school. not in a study, but for general knowledge. (they have a student now in a wheelchair).  My son starts to cry almost uncontrollably and looks at me and asks,'are you going to be in a wheelchair?'  This was a very hard moment for us, but me and my husband vowed before we ever had kids that we would never lie to them about anything. Pets dying, sickness, anything........Were we wrong? Is this one of the things that you find another answer for? My heart is in pieces and now i have to go to the hospital at 1pm tomorrow to be admitted. I have to sit all night, alone, with this in my heart. Knowing that my son is at home worried so much more than any child should have to be. My only comfort, is knowing that my mother in law and my brother in law are coming to stay with my kids while my husband is at work. he works nights, so they will be here with my son and be able to talk to him. I have a few books in mind to take with me, but any suggestions would be great. Even if it is a new one, I will go buy it for this. I feel i am going to need lots of distractions...........

Date Posted: 11/5/2007 2:55 AM ET
Member Since: 4/27/2007
Posts: 3,596
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Hi Angela,

I am sorry it was so rough with your little boy.  It is so scary for them when they realize that something is really wrong with mom or dad.

I think you did the right thing.  Kids understand so much more than we give them credit for, and he would have picked up on your husband being concerned about you anyway.  Far better that he expects you to come home sore and tired and is happy and relieved that you are ok, then for him to think everything is fine until you get home and he gets the shock of you having been in the hospital having surgery.

He WILL be ok.  I promise you that.  I am sure he will be worried, that is natural.  But reassure him that you will be ok.  Talk to him on the phone from the hospital.  Have your husband take him out with a friend to do something fun and distract him a little, give him a special treat.  Let a friend stay over, even if it's a school night, just so he has close company.  Something along those lines can go a long way towards helping him feel better.  The thing is, when a parent is chronically ill, the kids have to come to grips with it eventually - chances are this won't be the only hospital stay you ever have.  It is better for him to know that you are being honest instead of making him distrustful by trying to shelter him from it.

I do speak from the experience of having grown up with a father who was seriously ill and went through many major surgeries when I was a kid.  I know very well how he feels, and as a mom now, how you feel.  As much as possible, have your husband spend the time you are gone with him, because I remember the worst was being worried and frightened, and having both my mom and my dad gone - most of my dad's surgeries took place 2 states away.  Having one parent close by will be a big comfort.  Play up the opportunity for some "guy time".

One thing my mom did the first time my parents had to be away for a long time, when my dad had his first surgery, was leave me a pretty embroidered handkerchief of hers.  She left it with a note, saying that if I missed her I could carry it with me and she would be close by.  I was 7 at the time, and I still have it.  Leave him something to keep you close, something that will be a comfort for him, but nothing that will scare him and make him think you aren't coming back : )  May be a picture in a clear slip that he could put in his back pocket or something.

I really hope everything goes well for you and that you are home and feeling better fast.  I took a look at your wish list, and if I were you I would get Water for Elephants.  It is engaging and humorous and thoughtful - I loved it, and I think it would keep you distracted.  Plus, you deserve a treat : )  Let us know how it goes!!!

Date Posted: 11/5/2007 8:39 AM ET
Member Since: 9/23/2006
Posts: 6,362
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Angela,

I'm really sorry that you and your family have to go through this.  Is there any possibility that the hospital might have anyone to talk to children?  You might ask.

Hope all goes well.

Date Posted: 11/5/2007 3:17 PM ET
Member Since: 3/20/2007
Posts: 272
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Lindsey and Diana, thanks for the advice. I acutally went by walmart and grabbed water for elephants. I have read it before, and i gave my copy away to another member on pbs, which is y it was on my wish list. haha I'm at the hospital now, in the cafeteria on a laptop.  my son had a hard time going to school this morning, but i called the principal last night at home, and told him what was going on. He told me that i could call the school and talk to my son if i wanted to. He had no problem with that. Since i know what times his breaks are, i've talked to him 2 times, and i told him what the dr said, and i could hear some relief in his response. things are looking good so far, and i asked the hospital admin just a few minutes ago if they have a counselor for children, and she said they do and to feel free to bring him in anytime i am in town.  Having gotten some results from tests already have made most of our current worries go away. The rest of the tests are coming up, and i might be able to go home later tonight, as long as i'm doing ok. The next test is at 2:30 and it is just getting some blood taken, then i have to have the mri at 3:30. i am so tired already, and my husband just left to go home, since our son will be home soon from school.  thanks for kind words and thoughts.

Angela

Date Posted: 11/5/2007 10:32 PM ET
Member Since: 4/27/2007
Posts: 3,596
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Glad everything is going well, Angela!  Keep us updated : )

T. -
Date Posted: 11/16/2007 9:05 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
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Angela, no advice here, but I'm going to light a candle for you and your family during my regular prayer/energy time.  Best wishe.