This is a very helpful book in recognizing the top five needs of a man and the top five needs of a woman. My husband and I read this as part of our pre-marital counseling. It is pretty easy to read and retain. You can even skip over some of the hypothetical situations and still get a lot out of this book.
The author holds a somewhat old-fashioned view of gender roles (women working outside of the home, men making the money to support a family, etc.)but he has some very good ideas about men's and women's needs and how to meet them with your spouse. You do come to understand a lot more how affairs happen and that they are avoidable.
Build An Affair-proof Marriage.
Do you know your own marital needs?
Do you know the marital needs of your spouse?
The needs of men and women are similar. But according to Dr Harley, their priorities are vastly different. Are you able to identify which of the following needs are his and which are hers? Out of the ten marital needs listed here, which are the most important to you? In your opinion, which five are the most important to your spouse?
An Attractive Spouse
Honesty and Openness
Discover how identifying and meeting you most important needs will deepen your love and desire for each other. Learn how to become irresistable to your spouse.
Helen R. (neleh48) - , reviewed His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage on
Helpful Score: 1
This book is perfect for all married couples and couples who are not married but thinking about doing so. The information is great to use to keep your relationship strong. I highly recommend this book for all marriages.
Bookfanatic reviewed His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage on
Helpful Score: 1
I loved this book. It's great for the newly married and those looking to improve their marital lives. Yes, some of Dr. Harley's advice is what one would consider "common sense", but you'd be surprised at how many of us don't realize common sense. Dr. Harley, a marriage counselor for many years, says that everyone has emotional needs. We all have an internal ranking of which needs are most important to us individually. The basic emotional needs are (in no particular order):
2. Sexual Fulfilment
4. Recreational Companionship
5. Honesty and Openness
6. An Attractive Spouse
7. Financial Support
8. Domestic Support (helping with household responsibilities)
9. Family Commitment
Having a certain emotional need as a priority doesn't make the person bad, a pig, or shallow. That just happens to be what you like and what's important to you. It's very freeing in a way because so many others will criticize a spouse if they want an attractive spouse or admiration as a top need.
The idea is for you to sit down with your partner and figure out which needs are important to that person and which needs are important to you. Once you figure the needs, you go about fulfilling those needs. Obviously, this works only if both people are equally committed to the relationship. Dr. Harley has a questionnaire at the back of the book that will help the reader to figure out which needs are important to him/her.
This book isn't a religious book, but Dr. Harley is a Christian counselor so some of his advice comes from that perspective. I didn't agree with everything Dr. Harley said, but much of what he said made a lot of sense. In theory his ideas are simple however, if more of us applied these simple theories into practice, there would be many fulfilling, intimate marriages. If more couples focused on their spouses, there would be fewer affairs and divorces.
I think every married, or about to be married, person should read this book. One of the most important messages you'll get is that ANYONE can have an affair, no matter how committed, in-love, or how strong a Christian. Realizing what deficiencies in a relationship can do to exacerbate temptation will help you see how to prevent it. He writes from an experienced counseling background and gives case-studies that detail what emotional needs we have as men and women. A must-read if you want to strengthen your relationship.
A good book helps to understand each other.
The needs of men and women are similiar. But according to Dr. Harley, their priorities are vastly different. Are you able to identify which of the following needs are his and which are hers? Discover how identifying and meeting your most important needs will deepen your love and desire for each other.
Taken from the back of the book
Jacket is a little dirty with a tiny rip on the top right corner. Pages are great condition
over one million couples who have read this book have learned to make their marriages sizzle, and they are recommending it to others. You will discover that an outstanding marriage can be more than a dream-it can be your reality.