Search - King Dork

Reviewed by Me for TeensReadToo.com

Right after I finished KING DORK, the debut novel from author Frank Portman, I sat down to write my review--and stared at my computer for fifteen very long minutes wondering exactly how to explain this book. KING DORK will do that to you--leave you speechless, not quite sure of how to put what you feel into words. I guess if I could only use two words to describe this book, I would choose "wonderfully odd." If Tom Henderson (aka King Dork) had to describe it, it would probably go something like this...

"It's actually kind of a complicated story, involving at least half a dozen mysteries, plus dead people, naked people, fake people, teen sex, weird sex, drugs, ESP, Satanism, books, blood, Bubblegum, guitars, monks, faith, love, witchcraft, the Bible, girls, a war, a secret code, a head injury, the Crusades, some crimes, mispronunciation skills, a mystery woman, a devil-head, a blow job, and rock and roll."

And that, ladies and gentleman, pretty much sums it up. "And I'm not even exaggerating all that much. I swear to God."

If I met Tom Henderson in real life, and had a one-minute conversation with him, I would undoubtedly wonder 1) what the hell this guy was talking about, or 2) what the hell I was talking about when talking to him.

Yes, it's that kind of a book. A story that starts with the simple task of Tom trying to find any old copy of THE CATCHER IN THE RYE and instead finding a marked-up, footnoted, annotated, high-lighted version his dead father once owned. It all goes downhill--or over the proverbial edge--from there.

I've decided that there's simply no other way to accurately describe this book. I can't give you a plot outline without giving away the entire story, so you'll simply have to pick up a copy of KING DORK for yourself. I guarantee you won't be disappointed, and I can also guarantee that you'll never find better band names than Baby Batter, Ray Bradbury's Love-Camel, The Mordor Apes, or We Have Eaten All the Cake. Just as you'll never find a better one-liner than "Talk Won Ton to Me, You Crazy Asian Superstar."

And that's all I've got to say about that.