The Eclectic Pen - He Kissed Me


By: Claudia R. (BrokenWing)   + 21 more  
Date Submitted: 4/25/2007
Last Updated: 4/28/2007
Genre: Romance
Words: 732
Rating:


  I had arrived at the park early and was waiting to meet my girlfriend for a picnic lunch when a man sat on the park bench next to me. I was surprised but not alarmed. Taking a look at him, I thought, hmm . . . dark brown curly hair, dark blue twinkling eyes with small crinkles at the corners, nice broad shoulders and narrow hips, dressed in form-fitting dark blue slacks and a crisp white shirt, looks to be tall, about 6 feet; not bad.

He turned to me and said with a faint foreign accent "beautiful day, isn't it?"

"Yes it is", I replied

"I haven't seen you here before."

"I'm waiting to meet a friend for a picnic lunch"

"Boyfriend or Girlfriend?" he asked.

"Girlfriend"

"Oh. Well in that case, come, walk with me."

It was the middle of the day in a busy city park. How much trouble could I get into?

"OK, but only for a short walk." I said

We headed down the path and he took me along the babbling creek, stopping after a few hundred feet under a large spreading oak that was just beginning to leaf out.

He turned to me and said, "It's so beautiful here . . . Did you know you have beautiful eyes--forest green with specks of amber and gold?"

"Yes it is beautiful and thank you for the compliment."

He drew closer and appeared to study me intently for a moment, a quizzical expression in his blue gaze. Then, I felt his finger along my jaw in the slightest of gentle caresses, tilting my chin up. "You have sad eyes; who has hurt you, love?" Not waiting for a response, he murmured, "I want to take away the pain." His head lowered to mine and his lips, soft as rose petals, brushed mine once, twice, three times, as gently as butterfly wings.

I moved closer and put my arms around his neck. Sensing my response, his mouth covered mine and the kiss deepened. He tasted faintly of coffee and cinnamon and smelled of soap, expensive cologne and warm man. I felt his tongue and a soft sigh escaped me as I opened my mouth. Hands at my back and waist, he crushed me to him and I felt the furnace-like heat of his body as he molded my every curve to him. Or was it my heat? Then, his tongue was licking, tasting, probing, relentlessly and I kissed him back, our tongues meeting. He was kissing me as if he'd like to consume me and my hands were at the nape of his neck, playing with his silky, springy curls and drawing his mouth closer, deeper, wanting more of him. Suddenly I felt as if all the breath had been sucked out of my body; my knees were weakening and I was having trouble maintaining my balance. Heat gathered and coiled low in my belly. Sensing my unsteadiness, he clutched me even closer, hands stroking my lower back and thighs, and I felt something hard against my belly.

Just then, I heard a high pitched feminine voice. Oh shit, I almost forgot.

"There you are....I've been looking all over for you. Come along so the ants don't eat our lunch."

Blushing with embarassment at having been caught in a passionate embrace, I disentangled myself and said. "Sorry, I have to go with my friend."

"Who is that?" my friend asked once we were out of earshot.

"I don't know his name" I replied truthfully but regretfully.

"Are you insane, letting a complete stranger kiss you? He was cute, but he looked like he was about to ravish you. Good thing I came along when I did."

"Yeah, thanks alot," I muttered in reply.

We finished our lunch as I told my friend what happened.

"Let's go look for him, maybe he's still here." my friend said when we had finished lunch.

We walked all over but there was no sign of him anywhere.

He kissed me and I didn't even know his name and I'll never see him again, my beautiful stranger with the sparkling blue eyes full of laughter.

He did take away the pain, if only for a moment.

He kissed me and then was gone . . . and I wanted more.


The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Claudia R. (BrokenWing)

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Comments 1 to 15 of 15
IONE L. (zaneygraylady) - 4/25/2007 5:41 PM ET
me too
Brian F. (CoolBreeze) - 4/26/2007 12:08 PM ET
Don't mix tenses! Past tense to present tense and back again, the temporal disjoint takes away from the story.
JOYCE W. (luvthemgoats) - 4/26/2007 1:38 PM ET
I think your story is great, look forward to reading more from you.
Claudia R. (BrokenWing) - 4/26/2007 3:51 PM ET
Thanks. I'll try to correct the tense problem.
Marta J. (booksnob) - 4/26/2007 5:37 PM ET
Your friend's interruption saved this from sounding like a Harlequin romance... a little injection of humor.
Maggie M. - 4/27/2007 7:51 AM ET
You auely know how to write. Now please expect more from yourself, okay?
Maggie M. - 4/27/2007 7:53 AM ET
Sorry--"auely" was meant to be "surely."
Claudia R. (BrokenWing) - 4/27/2007 5:40 PM ET
Maggie, Could you clarify what you mean by "expect more from yourself?"
Shirley C. - 4/27/2007 6:59 PM ET
think I would have left off at the prodding belly part... and ended with the last line...he kissed me, then was gone...and I wanted more.
Claudia R. (BrokenWing) - 4/27/2007 7:42 PM ET
Ok, so some of you like the humor of the friend interruption part, some don't and think I should have left it off.
katzpawz - 4/30/2007 2:28 PM ET
This is lovely! I agree w/Brian about the tenses. Rather than seeing the interruption as comedy, I felt it as a breaking of a tendrily magic spell. Hmmmm?
Linda S. (Dreamin1) - 5/4/2007 1:46 AM ET
This was fun to read, but It was not as believable as it could be, but then again I dont know this character and what her background is. Would she do this? I would have had her hesitate, and allow the reader to hear her thoughts. Also I would make this a longer story. In the first paragraph we learn alot about the strangers looks. It would be better if it was scattered about more throughout the story--a gradual visual of him. Otherwise it could resemble a police bulletin. I would like to know why he thinks someone has hurt her. You could expand on that later on if you did make this story longer. I think this story has potential. I like the rythm of the sentences too. I liked the part where the freind interupted, but I think there should have been more of a a reaction..first a shock for the freind arriving, and then a question for the one being kissed, etc. I like the humor in the thoughts of the girl. Nice simple summary in this sentence>I told my freind what happened. I'd still like to know more about the thing causing the pain. This is a good thing. A story should make the reader ask these questions.
Linda S. (Dreamin1) - 5/4/2007 1:58 AM ET
There you are....I've been looking all over for you. Come along so the ants don't eat our lunch." This is where I would break in between, where she (the one speaking) could blush, and react. and then recover. It seems like the interuption needed to happen, therefore the humor seems appropriate. It was a kiss, but it was becoming much more than that...rather quickly. It made me thimk of Little Red going into the woods where she meets up with the big bad handsome wolf in sheeps clothing. She sounds rather naive or just doesn't care. I'm not sure which. Claudia: More please.
Claudia R. (BrokenWing) - 5/16/2007 7:23 PM ET
Comment: She's a little naive and also feeling a bit reckless after a crushing breakup with her boyfriend of many years. Hence, the sad eyes.
Claudia R. (BrokenWing) - 5/17/2007 12:42 PM ET
Thinking about doing a part II to this. In fact, I dreamed about it last night. I'll start it when I have time.
Comments 1 to 15 of 15