The Eclectic Pen - The man and the gun


By: Susan Q.   + 7 more  
Date Submitted: 8/5/2009
Last Updated: 8/5/2009
Genre:
Words: 229
Rating:


  The tall man was masked. It was night, the sounds of New York filling his ears. A man with a long coat hurryed past him. He was stopped

by a hand on his shoulder.

There was the masked man holding out a gun and gesturing for money. But then, suddenly there was a rustiling. He twirled; his gun hand

trembling. The other man made his escape unoticed.

Ducking closer to the noise the man with the mask saw a garbage can. It was glowing. Quickly he darted foward and pulled of the lid.

Then came the light it wrapped him up and spread over him. Flowing in side of him. Then it dissaperred.

Then the masked man smiled; he pulled off his mask reaviling he was not a man but a boy. He left the ally dropping the gun behind him.


Severil blocks down a warm lit cafe had a new employe, a young boy clutching a mask.




By: Michael Quint
Susans Son
Age:11






The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Susan Q.

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Comments 1 to 3 of 3
Susan Q. - 8/5/2009 8:51 AM ET
Sorry about the spelling-Michael
Pat C. (PC) - 8/5/2009 4:15 PM ET
Easy enough to edit the story and make it easier to read. Should also do spell checking before submission. I assume most people have computers so it would be easy to write it in a word processor, do spell and grammar checking, and then cut/paste in here. Sorry but part of my job is doing edits. Strange being a math major and doing grammar/spelling for others. So assuming spelling mistakes are easily corrected how about word usage: "There" and not "Their", "pulled off" and not "pulled of" - both places, "inside" and not "in side" - nit and possibly OK either way. I should also say that it is far easier to correct someone than create something. I am jealous of your ability to create. Continue to write if that is what you enjoy.
Marta J. (booksnob) - 8/7/2009 8:45 AM ET
I'm happy to see my favorite 11 year-old-writer back on the job!
Comments 1 to 3 of 3