The Eclectic Pen - Mr. Right


By: Claudia R. (BrokenWing)   + 21 more  
Date Submitted: 2/23/2009
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Poetry
Words: 84
Rating:


  He was
magnificent.
hair like sunshine
eyes like the Aegean
brilliant,
polished,
prosperous.
What more
could a woman want?

The tea
should have
steeped
a bit longer,
soup's
just a little
too thick,
tomatoes
sliced
too thin.

Document
should have
exactly
one inch
margins.

Too
wordy,
too many
adjectives,
this word,
not that.

His post-coital
critique:
oral technique
average,
dirty talk
could be
more creative.

Like
the steady
drip, drip, drip
of water
on stone,
vituperation
erodes
the psyche,
carving
a chasm
like the
Grand Canyon.

No
mercifully
quick
dispatch
by firing squad
or guillotine.
Instead,
a lingering,
agonizing
demise
by
a thousand
tiny lacerations
festering
beneath the surface,
poisoning
the soul
with miniscule
droplets
of venom.

Seeing
the speck
in another's
eye
he
is oblivious
to the pike
in his own.

His
first name
is Always.


The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Claudia R. (BrokenWing)

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Comments 1 to 4 of 4
Eva L. (wearetrees) - 2/23/2009 7:14 PM ET
This piece is absolutely stunning, Claudia...sharp and witty, and ripe with images.
REBECCA O. (sunnybrookgal) - 2/25/2009 12:25 AM ET
An amazing piece of work....I loved it.
Jeanne I. (copycat) - 2/26/2009 1:47 PM ET
what marvelous communication- I got the whole picture Jeanne
Kami (Kidsey) - 3/4/2009 8:53 PM ET
It was really pretty. :)
Comments 1 to 4 of 4