The Eclectic Pen - NanoFiction #8


By: Paul H. (nessus19) - ,   + 43 more  
Date Submitted: 3/8/2007
Last Updated: 3/8/2007
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Short Stories & Anthologies
Words: 193
Rating:


  It was a haiku.
It’s a wonder I didn’t see it before. Well, yes, certainly, it was talking and groping and shouting and laughing instead of characters brushed midnight black on rice paper. But still, wasn’t the structure always there just waiting for me to recognize it?
The meeting; the introduction; the courting; the drawing near; the first touch…
Did you see it taking shape, one line, one character, one consequence at a time? Would you have told me if you had? And then…
The awkward explorations; the parents; the tenderness; the anniversaries; the out-of-bounds topics; the religion; and finally the couplings -- more rote than rhythm.
Did you feel a pattern being laid down? I sensed something, but was too swept away with giddiness and momentum to pay much attention. Until…
The sadness in your eyes; the threadbare fabric of mutual promises; the goodbye note; the ghost whispers on the phone line; and the looking back with nothing remotely like wisdom.
It took me years to see the haiku in what you were and in what I tried to be.
I wonder if I will be more careful with my heart next time – and listen for brushstrokes.


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Comments 1 to 4 of 4
Jessi H. (willpowered) - 3/9/2007 8:45 AM ET
I doubt you will be more careful next time, Paul, and would worry for you if you were. After all, don't we adore the splendid simplicity of haiku not only for its brevity, but for that satisfying "ah ha!" at the end. We shall, I think, continue to endure the lines and words, if only for that.
Marta J. (booksnob) - 3/9/2007 9:14 AM ET
This took my breath away. Wow. A gem.
Barbara I. (Munro) - 3/11/2007 2:21 PM ET
How absolutely beautiful! You should submit it for publication! Write on! Barbara I. (Munro)
Paul H. (nessus19) - , - 3/11/2007 4:29 PM ET
Thank you all very much for the kind comments. I don't know much about the process of publishing "creative" work. My publishing works have been restricted to articles in scholarly journals. (Though the first draft of a children's book -- childish adults are included, of course -- will be done at the end of this month. So I guess I had better start boning up on the publishing process for this kind of readership.) Best, Paul
Comments 1 to 4 of 4