This book is about what he calls, invalidation. It's when a person tries to hurt another, whether consciously or not. Something as simple as a rolling of the eyes constitutes an invalidation. This book isn't about physical aggression, it's about an attack on self-esteem. And many times, those kinds of pains are far deeper than any physical hurt.
In the introduction, Carter also says to own your feelings. That when reading this book, you may become angry or sad. He says to accept those feelings and to be true to who you are. If reading this book brings out anger, get angry. If it brings out a sadness, cry.
Not only does Carter discuss people who invalidate you, he talks about when you can unknowingly become an invalidator. Sometimes certain situations or people bring out this negativity in us. Most people do not wake up and live their days hurting people.
While I found the book interesting, I found it lacking. It just kept describing invalidators. Page after page of describing the type of person who hurts. Honestly, Carter never once described the situation I am familiar with. Where the invalidator simply ignores you when you speak to them. Someone who makes it a point to physically turn their back on you in front of the group. How do you deal with that situation?
Also, he did not give enough solutions. Granted, he pointed it out that it's up to US to find our solution, but more guidance would have been helpful.
All in all, this book was worth my time. If simply opening my eyes to the types of people I need to be aware of and not becoming a hurtful person myself.
This book places the "negative" people in two groups: the invalidators and the victims. It is interesting to see the dynamic of each one of this groups and the techniques recommended to approach them and manage both types.
I don't know how I ended up with this book!! It was in some of my stuff when I moved. I glanced through it but didn't really have a need to read it. The title is right on. I hope it will help someone who is nice and is currently being stomped on by a mean person!
Shelli G. reviewed Nasty People: How to Stop Being Hurt by Them Without Becoming One of Them on
This book has been very helpful to me and I have shared it with others . I was so happy to finally have a name for invalidators .. I was so confused by this behavior . It has been very settling for me to finally have some insight. and strategies on how to handle people that use invalidation to control others .