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Topic: Nasty reply

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Subject: Nasty reply
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 7:49 PM ET
Member Since: 2/12/2009
Posts: 11
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I ordered a book and received it and it was water damaged. I pmed the sender and asked for my credit back and waited over a week and they never responded so I marked the transaction unresolved this morning.  Tonight, I get this reply:

I will be happy to return your credit. On April 10th I gave birth to my daughter prematurely. I've been living in the NICU for 3 and half weeks and haven't had the opportunity to address your concerns. I'm sure you read the book anyway, and found that every single word on every page was readable, yet you still requested the credit back...enjoy it, and I"m sure you'll probably repost the book or sell it.  Sorry it didn't meet your standards.

 

First off, I am sorry she has had a bad few weeks. I understand that life gets in the way sometimes. No biggie, I can understand that. But, it really isn't my fault either. Second, they aren't MY standards that weren't met, they are the site's standards.  Her response leads me to believe that she knew the book was damaged and she sent it anyway.  And I, of course, will not be reposting this book as she is assuming.

So, do I respond? Let it go? Do I somehow let the site know that this person got cranky with me for following the procedure laid out on this site? I've never had somebody be so nasty to me on here before.

 

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 7:53 PM ET
Member Since: 6/8/2007
Posts: 797
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I would probably chalk up her  pm to  a combination of stress and post-partum blues and let it go.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 7:58 PM ET
Member Since: 3/22/2009
Posts: 104
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It is nasty, but I would probably let the cranky attitude go this time. She may not really be herself, given what's going on in her life. That's not your fault, but I'd be willing to cut her some emotional slack.

You're right about the book not meeting PBS' standards. But if you marked it RWAP, PBS knows, and you have your credit. :-)

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 7:58 PM ET
Member Since: 2/12/2009
Posts: 11
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I just went back and looked, I didn't request the book until April 12 so she had time 2 days after a premature birth to accept my request and ship the book but hasn't had time to respond to my request for my credit on April 21? Somebody's story is fishy.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 8:57 PM ET
Member Since: 1/28/2007
Posts: 765
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Let it go Play Misty For Me.

NE1 old enough to remember that movie?
Dan (for Marilyn)



Last Edited on: 5/2/09 8:57 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:03 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2007
Posts: 13,187
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Misty, have you ever had a baby in NICU? It's pretty scary. It's up and down. One minute you're positive the next you're depressed. I don't think her story is fishy based on what you've said and I think you just need to let it go. When she accepted the book she may not have known what was in store for her in the future. Maybe the baby took a downturn? Any one's baby is much more important to me than a damaged book. Chill.
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:05 PM ET
Member Since: 10/13/2007
Posts: 36,445
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I would send her the PBS posting rules and tell her that is the standards you go by and then leave it at that. Yeah seems weird she had enough time to accept, ship and send a book if she'd just given birth. *shrugs*

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:09 PM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2007
Posts: 3,044
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I'd let it go since you got your credit back. Like others said, she is probably really stressed right now. She also may have just gotten the dates wrong. I doubt someone would go to the extreme of premature birth as an excuse for not responding to an RWAP.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:30 PM ET
Member Since: 2/12/2009
Posts: 11
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Any one's baby is much more important to me than a damaged book. Chill.

 

I never said it wasn't.  I'm not the one who sent the nasty reply so I don't really get why I am told to chill. I followed the procedure to the letter. I'm not sending hate mail, I just asked if I should respond and alert the site.  Consensus is no, so I respect that.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:40 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2007
Posts: 13,187
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I told you to chill because I got the impression you were determined to make this into a big deal by pursuing it even though you already got your credit back. Especially when you came back and called the whole thing "fishy." Cut her some slack --- I'm sure she's had a rough time of it, is exhausted and a bit scared at what her future holds. You have your book, you have your credit so it should've just ended there. That's why I said chill.
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:42 PM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2008
Posts: 1,976
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I think this is the time to "kill her her with kindness".  I'd send her a PM and say something like

I'm so sorry to about the premature birth.  I hope everhthing works out for you and your baby, etc., etc.

When somebody makes me mad killing them with kindness tones the situation down and usually the other person feels bad about the way they behaved.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:47 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2007
Posts: 13,187
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Donna - I think it needs to be dropped. I don't think we need to be encouraging any member here to "kill them with kindness" when it's not necessary. If she means it and cares, sure. But just to be a bee-otch ... that's not in the spirit of this site.
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:49 PM ET
Member Since: 2/12/2009
Posts: 11
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I wasn't sure if the site wanted to know about members being nasty and I was trying to provide all of the information. And yes, she should have just refunded the credit and it ended there. I've had stress before, from having babies to my father being killed and I have moved in the past week. But, I'm the bad guy here? I suppose I should have had a crystal ball so I would not have requested my credit back for an unpostable book in the first place.

 

I called it "fishy" because when I went back and looked at the dates, it doesn't add up. Since she posted a book that was clearly unpostable and went from zero to nasty right away, I am not so inclined to believe her story. Maybe she is being truthful, but that still doesn't excuse posting and mailing a damaged book and then being nasty to the person who you sent the damaged book to.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:51 PM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2008
Posts: 1,976
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Susan, I did not mean it to be a bitch.  "kill them with kindness" is a quote from the bible.  I meant it sincerely.  Don't be so quick to give people bad motives . . . that's not in the spirit of this site.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:52 PM ET
Member Since: 2/12/2009
Posts: 11
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Here is the message that I sent to her initially:

I received the book today and I appreciate how quickly you sent it. However, this book has water damage and staining on many pages and is therefore unpostable. I would like to have my credit returned to me.

 

But I guess I deserved the nasty response I got.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:54 PM ET
Member Since: 6/21/2007
Posts: 2,015
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Last Edited on: 2/3/15 7:53 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 9:58 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2007
Posts: 13,187
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Holy Moly . . . Well, you two can continue with your rabidness here. And no Donna, the bible doesn't preach hypocracy or insincerity. If you don't really mean it's wrong to say it. But hey, it's like statistics, all sorts twist it to mean what they want it to mean. Have a good evening ladies! :)
Date Posted: 5/2/2009 10:10 PM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2008
Posts: 1,976
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Clearly I've been misunderstood.  I simply meant treat the poor woman kindly she's had a bad time.  Sort of like turning the other cheek.  I wish people weren't so quick to give other people bad motives.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 10:18 PM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2007
Posts: 3,044
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Misty, you did not deserve the nasty message. You were fine in asking about it here. Many people come here asking for help when they are unsure. You shouldn't be yelled at for asking a simple question or being suspicious. It's only natural when receiving a book from a member obviously not following the rules.

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 10:23 PM ET
Member Since: 2/5/2007
Posts: 30,800
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You got your credit back.  Why would you want to respond beyond that?  What's the point?

Date Posted: 5/2/2009 10:26 PM ET
Member Since: 1/28/2007
Posts: 765
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Ladies, Ladies, Ladies,  Would you like to roll in my Mercedes? (quote from a rap song a few years back)

Which is another way of saying let's just have fun.  PBS is fun!

Dan (for Marilyn)

Date Posted: 5/3/2009 12:29 AM ET
Member Since: 8/13/2008
Posts: 13,147
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I am sorry she was so nasty to you Misty. You didn't deserve that whether the woman just had a baby or not. Having a stressful life is not an excuse to be mean to you. SHE is the one who sent out an unpostable book that is clearly against the sites rules and she is going to be a bee-otch about it? I would send a quick message to PBS and let them know the transaction has been resolved since you have marked it unresolved in your transaction archive.

Donna- I am also sorry that you were clearly misunderstood.



Last Edited on: 5/3/09 12:29 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 5/3/2009 1:43 AM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2008
Posts: 1,976
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Colleen, thank you.  You are one of my favorite poster here.

Date Posted: 5/3/2009 2:29 AM ET
Member Since: 1/23/2009
Posts: 3,041
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Misty, if she returned the credit to you, but you already marked the situation as "unresolved", I'm pretty sure you can contact TPTB through feedback and let them know that the situation is now resolved.

I would probably not respond to her message either. Having a baby is definitely stressful (I myself had to be induced 2 weeks before the due date because of preeclampsia) but there was no reason for her to be mean. From the RWAPs that I have had, people are really defensive. I think she knows what she did was wrong and probably didn't like being called on it. If she keeps sending out unpostable books, her account on PBS will become jeopardized.

Subject: Here's my rant on the issue
Date Posted: 5/3/2009 3:49 AM ET
Member Since: 8/22/2007
Posts: 527
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This just happened to me on Thursday. I received 2 books and one audio cassette book in one package. It just so happened it rained that day and was windy. When I pulled the package out of my mailbox (which had blown open) and pulled the package out it fell apart. I know that's not the sender's problem. The books were in just a plain envelope not a bubble envelope and they weren't wrapped in plastic. One of the books was completely soaked. The other the whole top half of the book was soaked. The box of the audio cassette book was pretty wet too. I marked the books as a problem with the post office but mentioned that she'd neglected to wrap the books in plastic. (I've had packages get wet before, but when the books are wrapped in plastic they don't get wet.) I only asked for 2 credits back because I thought I could salvage the audio book box. But the one book is pretty much a total loss. The other one I'll be able to read but not repost. She got defensive and gave me all 4 credits back. I returned 2 credits to her and said the audio book would be ok. I just received a PM from her that said she didn't want my credits (but she didn't give them back to me) and that I must have a pretty incompetent mailman, that she had mailed hundreds of books over a number of years and never wrapped them in plastic and had never had any complaints. This was the first time I've ever complained about a book and I've had a couple of books that were all but falling apart. I just read them and put them on my unpostables list.

I know it's hard to get a complaint about a book, I've had 2 in the 2 years I've been a member of PBS. The first was my fault because I didn't even notice the conditions, was just too quick, and when she PMed me I apologized and gave back the credit. She was nice enough to write back and say that she'd salvaged the book (there is a smoker and pets in this house) and she thanked me for being so understanding. The second complaint I had was when I'd sent a book to someone with no conditions and she marked it as received with a problem and demanded her credit back. I gave it back to her and without my asking she sent the book back to me. Someone else requested the book later and was glad to get it. But I know how hard it is to get a complaint.

Since then before I send out a book I mark it that I can send it later and I PM the person and explain about the smoker and pets and what I do to try to combat any problems. The majority of people thank me for letting them know and ask me to please send the book. Others thank me for letting them know and cancel the order. If I don't hear from someone I cancel the order before the deadline. And sometimes I'll hear from someone after I've cancelled the book and I'll explain the situation and if they want the book I'll ask for their address and mail it to them. 

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