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Topic: negativity *sighs*

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Subject: negativity *sighs*
Date Posted: 7/20/2010 4:17 PM ET
Member Since: 11/6/2008
Posts: 627
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how do yall deal with the negativity? my mom disagrees openly with my homeschooling my kids.. she says "they need to be with others besides each other and you two all the time.. they need to be socialized" why cant she understand that homeschooling is different. i also heard "if you are gonnan homeschool you have to be a lot more organized then you are" well no sh*t... its not like i woke up the day before my kids were sposed to start kindergarden and said i think ill homeschool.. no my kids are 3,2 and 3 months.. i am starting to work on learning everything. im starting to collect materials and im talking to tons of people.. i know that homeschooling is different now.. there are homeschooler's organizations in most states.. homeschool proms, graduations, dances.. get togethers.. there is jobies, girls scouts, boy scouts the boy equivelant of jobies... there is karate and gymnastics and dance and cheerleading and sports.. there is plenty of things my kids can be involved in that i wont be a part of and that will keep them very well socialized.. so how do yall deal with it?? what do you say? especially if its close people to you.. like family members or close friends. i know my mom isnt the only one who thinks this way.. i told her it doesnt matter if she doesnt agree.. they are my kids afterall and my dh and i are in agreement to homeschool.. i honestly feel my kids will learn more and do better in homeschooling.. and when they are older if they wanna go to school thats fine.. but for now they will be homeschooled.. but what do yall say?

Date Posted: 7/20/2010 10:47 PM ET
Member Since: 11/9/2009
Posts: 196
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What is the purpose of "being socialized"?  Is it to produce adults who get along well with people in the workplace or at church?  Then as an adult, what job or church have you ever been to that you only get to interact with people almost your exact same age? 

There have been studies that show that homeschoolers are better socialized.   My son likes to play with all kids, not just the ones his age.  He will play with anybody who will play with him.  He hasn't learned that it isn't cool to play with kids younger than him.  I have seen him walk up to an 18 month old girl and ask to play with her.  She was so happy to have the big boy play with her.

I would start getting involved in your local homeschool activities.  We have a homeschool co-op here that has a preschool class.  It is 1 day a week for 50 minutes.   Maybe your mom will come around when she sees that they will have friends.

You could take her to a homeschool conference.  Often Grandmas get to tag along for free.  She can see some of the wonderful curriculum choices out there.  Maybe even see some well socialized children there.

Good Luck,

Sharon

Date Posted: 7/20/2010 10:53 PM ET
Member Since: 11/6/2008
Posts: 627
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see i dont know any of this stuff yet haha.. but my mom grew up when homeschooling wasnt popular and kids were like pod people or something. i love my mom  very much and she wont change my mind but it just hurts that she doesnt suport me. kinda like her not supporting my nursing my daughter until she was 18 months.. i didnt want to but she chose when to stop so that was fine by me.. i didnt even know they had homeschooling conferences haha. and i agree with you.. i def want my kids to play with lots of kids.. right now we arent around others much bc we have 1 car and dh has to work.. but they love other kids.. so im not gonna stick them in my house with me only and their siblings and never see others or be out doing things. lol

Date Posted: 7/20/2010 10:54 PM ET
Member Since: 8/8/2008
Posts: 108
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I tell them that after they have studied up on homeschooling, like read at least one book about it, then I will discuss it with them. Until then I just stand my ground and 

learn lots from the books I have read so I have an answer which I can say calmly and confidently. 

I know it is hard to debate with someone who knows how to push your buttons, but do not get exasperated. I have heard of people who write out an explanation, make copies of it and hand it out

when asked instead of having to debate it all. On there they put the reasons they chose this, the steps they have gone to educate herself on the subject, the "social activities" the kids will be in, etc.

Also you may want put any statistics you find which support homeschooling over public school.

I do not know which state you are in but we have GHEA in Georgia which has valuable resources...ghea.org. 

Many blessings to you on your homeschool journey- it is a blast!

Rachel

momma to three rowdy boys

Subject: I totally understand
Date Posted: 7/20/2010 11:20 PM ET
Member Since: 5/3/2009
Posts: 93
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Today, I was having a pleasant coversation with a lady at target. After laughing and talking for a while she asked where did my children go to school. I happily said , I home school them. She put her hand over her mouth and said with a frightening and worried tone of voice" Oh my, are they okay? Are they socialized. I am so worried. Where do you live?" I said they are fine , have some friend in the neighbor hood. She then put her hand on my shoulder, " I am so sorry, I hope they are okay, I worry about their socialization , I am a teacher they could attend my school, yes yes, come by the school and I can help you get started." I was burning inside and said with a stern voice " I have a master's degree in education, I am perfectly capable of homeschooling my own children." The then coward down and said "oh  I just thought they may need friend. I know you can teach them. " I told her there are homeschool groups, tennis camps, Homeschool Ymca PE programs, socialization is open to us of all kinds. She then tried to tell me where a Ymca was and walked away. 

    Now I usually, don't throw the master's degree in education out there because any mom can teach their children, but she had already boasted that she was a teacher and It didn't bother me until she acted like my children were a burden on society and suggest in tone and gesture that somehow had done them a wrong by choosing to homeschool. Already  knowing that I had more education  than her, from what she had told me prior to knowing I homeschooled, I thought I would just tell her about my degree to shut her up. It bother's me , not that I have to defend homeschooling, but that people would think  that we would love our children so little as to make a decision that would harm them. Duh , obviously I am not out to hurt my children so , I and my husband must have chosen to homeschool because that was the best choice for our family. I don't see anyone bashing Miley Cyrus, parents , Melonie Oudin,( local Georgian girl who burst on the Tennis by making it pretty deep into Wimbledon and U.S. open  tennis tournament in 2009 ) or any of the other  well  know celebs who were homeschooled or whose parents chose to do so.

My mom, at first thought I was waisting my life and education, because My dh and I decided I would stay home and teach our children. This is a blessing. Don't let family guilt you. What would make you feel worse?  to give in and your children go to public school, then  get socialized in a way that you are not happy with and could be harmful, or homeschool your children  and  know who they are socializing with and  also know that they have a firm foundation in Christ first ,so that peer pressure has less of a pull. Or If  you homeschool for other reasons, that know that the values they learn are what you have taught them and not what another person's moral standards are. 

 My and your children, like so many other children will grow up to be  well rounded , self -reliant ,  and productive members of society.

I will speak positive things over you and your children. They have parents who love them and have chosen the best choice for their education and over all well being. Your children are blessed and will be successfully in every way.  They are successful in heart, successful in happiness,  will be successful in academics , in socialization, in faith , in decision making and in respect and dignity of human kindness.

I attended public school and turned out fine , well at least I think , I did, but I never will forget what my mom said to me when I was a junior in highschool " I feel like I don't know you, your personality, your thoughts, other  than you have made pets out of every animal that has crossed our path. You don't talk much,  so I am not sure what your about . It is as if someone else raised you."  They did, they are call public school teachers.( by the way before having children I used to be one, I also taught college classes for a while , so I have seen some of everything, all ages and everyone)  Not everyone responds as I did , but in public school I learned to count on myself ,. to do what I was told but know inside what to how I reall thought , sometimes  to go with the crowd to keep the peace although I didn't like what the crowd was doing and  to keep my parents happy by making the grades but hold any difference of opinion to myself because it may seem rebellious. I made the mistake one time of saying If I could vote, I would vote for ____, It was a totally oposite choice than that of  my of my parents. Took days of listening and lectures about the candidate choices.

Anyway , just be encouraged and know that  we all have had  to heard it from family. My family is full of school teachers and my my in-laws are even worse ,( they aren't teachers), but everytime we get around them they constanlty ask my children school related questions, " what's the capital of this?calculate that. How do you estimate?, ect.   One time my son said to my mother in law " It is summer, school is out. I came to visit, play and have fun, not to do more school, " man I could have stayed home for this!" He wasn't being disrespectful but who wants to visit people they haven't seen in 9 months and  constantly have conversations about finding solutions to problems. 

Take care,

Theresa



Last Edited on: 7/20/10 11:36 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/20/2010 11:22 PM ET
Member Since: 3/21/2009
Posts: 4,813
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Hi MamaKaila,

My name is Elona and I am a homeschooling grandma :)

My homeschooling experience began with my daughter being skeptical, but cooperative, then negative and argumentative. I thought I was going to be fired any moment, but then something wonderful happened. I began to get so busy I had no time to defend myself anymore. I became immersed in my work. In time the negativity lessened and a watchful and curious eye appeared. 

I think the best way to deal with negativity, and what has worked with me, has been time.

I think after some time, your Mom will see good results. It just happens. The "seeing is believing" type of thing.

 Here are some ideas and food for thought.:

You can show her your prepared lesson plans and the finished results; take her along with you to play dates and park days, cooperative classes, sports activities, etc. You can have her help you prepare lessons if she's the type and help you get ready for things if she wishes.

Definitely invite children to your home and culture long term relationships, even if you are moving in a few months, children like steady relationships in their own home. Don't worry about your home being "house beautiful" just keep it clean and orderly. Keep the play date to one to two hour limit. Provide water and juice, and fruit and if you wish tiny sandwich squares. Prepare to make friends with Mom, too. This is a good time to enjoy making friends for you, too. After a couple of visits invite grandma for an hour of fun. She can either help with preparations or be your guest. Then make her sit back and relax. Let her join in the fun and don't remark about a thing. Let her do all the remarking and just smile.:)

I gave my daughter regular reports and took her to shows and sent her pics of her son working at home, in class and with friends.. Her son was 7  yrs. old and learned to touch type early last year, so he started texting her, to her surprise! Things like that seemed to have made a difference in her outlook.

Try your best not to make comments in response to grandma's negativity. It will only put fuel to the fire. Learn to be quiet and don't fan the flames.

And most of all, try to be patient with Mom, she's just looking out for her grandchildren's well being. Grandparents just want the best for their little ones. Keep that in mind. Try to see things from your Mom's perspective. Really try to put yourself in her shoes. She's used to being in control of her little ones. Even though your children are yours sometimes grandmas look at the grandkids and feel like you're all her brood. Mother hen, she may be! :) So be kind and be patient and in time she will see that all is well.

I'm sure you'll get a wealth of ideas from well wishing homeschoolers here. We have many experiences, both great and small.

Homeschooling is a wondrous thing!  Welcome.

My best,

 

Elona

Date Posted: 7/20/2010 11:31 PM ET
Member Since: 11/6/2008
Posts: 627
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lol thanks yall. i know she will come around but sometimes i think about it and its soo overwhelming and i think what if shes right. what if i screw up my kids life.. what if im not smart enough.. im sure yall know those kinda questions.. but i feel this is something that God has called me to do and rich agrees with me and i dont agree with the way the public schools are going.. and private schools cost TOO much and suck.. ive been there lol

Date Posted: 7/20/2010 11:59 PM ET
Member Since: 5/3/2009
Posts: 93
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YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH !

Subject: !
Date Posted: 7/21/2010 12:10 AM ET
Member Since: 5/3/2009
Posts: 93
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lol I feel that way sometimes too, but you know it is so cool, when you go to the store  and your little one stops infront of the door and says "It says PUSH TO OPEN! HEY, MOM, I READ IT ALL BY MYSELF!"  and he or she is all excited. Then you think to yourself . Hey I taught him that , he sounded it out.  Now this may not seem like a big deal to some, but when you see that little face light up and you know that you gave him the tools to make sense of it all. Well, you'll know you are doing what God called you to do.

 My parents stopped questioning me when I just flat out and said , I love you both, but I know, that I know ,that I know, that this is what God has for me to do right now. It is best for my children and me. I have to give account to HIM first, and if I go another direction when I know God isn't in it because I know , then take a risk in setting my whole family up for failure. So  I told them, "you can disagree, but ultimately your beef is with God. My conscience is clear."

Theresa



Last Edited on: 7/21/10 8:33 AM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 7/21/2010 12:17 AM ET
Member Since: 5/3/2009
Posts: 93
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Elona,

I think I am going to do some of what you suggest too! My parents are so worried about socialization. I think I will let the children send pics of them with friends and other children and maybe texts or email about the fun they have. Perhaps, here, action speaks,, louder than words and can offer comfort where they may have fears. You helped me to see things from a different point of view.

Thanks

Theresa



Last Edited on: 7/21/10 12:27 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/21/2010 12:08 PM ET
Member Since: 5/4/2008
Posts: 1,518
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I started HS with my son last year for Kindergarten. At first I did not want to do it but my husband insisted on it. I thought I was not smart enough to do it and would mess him up but I agreed to try it for one year. Well. I absolutely love it. I have a friend whose child also started Kindergarden last year and at the end of the school year he knew so much more than she did. I also love to watch his face light up when he catches on to something. It is the best thing I could have done and I will continue to do it.  I have people in the family and friends who still express their doubt about HS'ing but I politely tell them that I don't mean to be rude but this is our child and we will do as we see fit to do with his education. I live in a very small town and there are no HS co-op's or anything of the sort. The nearest place is 100 miles away. But my son is very socialized. He will play with kids of any age and adults also when they will play with him. He also has a very vivid imagination when he plays alone and with others. I believe that this is what God intended for us to do. Not only do he learn school stuff but he also gets to learn religion with his schooling......I think you will be happy with homeschooling your kids and they will be better off for it and others will either see how good it is or they won't. My biggest supporter is my 86 year old grandmother and from the beginning she has told me that I can do it. I wish you luck. Have Faith you can do it!!

Subject: thanks yall :)
Date Posted: 7/21/2010 4:05 PM ET
Member Since: 11/6/2008
Posts: 627
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it was just annoying because we went out to lunch together and moms like you need to start looking into putting analiese into  pre-k next year.. iml ike mom you know im gonna be homeschooling. shes like i dont agree and they need to be away from each other and away from you. .i do understand that analiese is 1 yr older than makenzie but i cant help that makenzie does things faster than her sister. analiese is 3 and shes a bit spoiled with the "first child thing" where makenzie is 12 months younger and has been catching up since day 1 to her sister. she has done everything faster.. both my girls are very smart.. i also feel this will give zachary a good advantage because he will be 1 when i start homeschooling his issters so he will hear all this.. so how can this all be a bad thing.... ugh.. lol..and thanks for listening to my ramble so much :) it just helps me to talk to others who understand

 

thanks yall. :) it makes me feel better knowing im not the only one who is dealing with this. my mom is one of my biggest supporters. she always has been so its hard to have her on the opposite side of this with me.. but i have rich's support and hes gonna teach them with me.. and yall can ask elona.. i have sooooooooo many ideas.. i have soo much i wanna do. i will admit to worrying that im not smart enough.. or that i am not organized enough. i am 27 and have a tendency to be as disorganized as i was as a teen haha.. but i am getting books now and i think i will also do what elona said and have them text/take pics email etc espeically if we move to ohio soon.. which im praying he gets this job and if he does we will move to ohio soon.. then ill havta learn more rules.. blah lol. but still.. ill take pics of them with friends and everything else so she knows they are well socialized.. and i want my kids to learn soo much more. plus a big factor for me is they are jan babies.. i feel the school system is lacking a lot.. but also my girls will be almost 6 before they can even start school..

Date Posted: 8/19/2010 8:43 PM ET
Member Since: 8/19/2010
Posts: 8
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I think it depends on how your family communicates.  With my mother I just straight out told her that I appreciated her opinion, but that I am homeschooling and it isn't open to discussion.  With my mother-in-law I just answered her "well meaning" questions until she stopped asking them.  Once we had done it for a couple of years they really stopped the comments except to ask if my oldest is going to go to a" real" high school.  As for strangers- I've noticed the comments have dropped off in the time we have been doing this, but there are tons of homeschoolers here in Orlando so I think people are used to it.

Just keep in mind that she really does have your children and your best interest at heart.  A generation ago nearly no one homeschooled or breastfed their babies! 

Subject: Homeschool Responses
Date Posted: 8/23/2010 7:44 AM ET
Member Since: 8/11/2010
Posts: 1
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Well, I am so sorry you are experiencing this.  My mom called me and told me I needed to homeschool.  But my husbands step mom looks at me with a crinkledup nose and furrowed brow and says "I can't believe you're doing that."  So here are  a few responses I've heard others use:

1 - for the socialization question "I don't think children should socialize with children their own age."

2 - another socialization one "If God had intended children to be around people their own age for 7 hours a day for 14 years, he very easily could have made us to have litters."

3 - socialization "I'm not impressed with what I see coming out of public school, so no, I don't want my kids to act that way!"

4 - socialization "The definition of socialization actually means 'being able to function within one's society' so tell me where else except public school are people (not just kids) separated by 1 year age increments?"

5 - socialization "No, thank you, I want my kid to know how to actually have an intelligent conversation with an adult"

6 - socialization - just remind them that you re not a hermit and that you don't live under a rock.

7 - academic - show them how the public schools test scores are swirling the toilet

8 - family life - maybe remind them that your kids actually know how to work with a family

 

Have a great homeschooling year, and don't worry about.  Eventually there will be some crime related incident at your local public school and she will be glad her grandkids were not there.  And stick as close to your husband as you can - you don't want to fight this battle alone.