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Topic: Never underestimate the cruelty of parents.

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Subject: Never underestimate the cruelty of parents.
Date Posted: 1/21/2009 12:20 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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I was informed last week that my insurance would pay for part of my "top surgery" (which is completely cool even thought don't know what they are paying for.)   My surgery is set for Feb 5. 

My mother, when informed of this said she hopes I die on the operating table.  Thanks Mom!  She also defriended me from Facebook as she believes that my "antics" will get her fired.  I am apparently also banned from stepping foot in the city of Ft. Lauderdale again although she will allow me to go to my high school reunion in June.  That is the last time I am allowed to be there until she is dead.  Nice isn't it.

 

Date Posted: 1/21/2009 1:10 PM ET
Member Since: 7/23/2007
Posts: 1,453
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Oh Mel I am so sorry. I know it's hard because she's your mother but don't let her negativity ruin what is about to happen for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Date Posted: 1/21/2009 1:13 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Thanks Sarah.  I am still in shock over what she said.

Date Posted: 1/21/2009 9:44 PM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Mel - I'm so sorry about your mother being such a, well, not-so-good mother.  I thought my mom wasn't great, but she's never wished me dead to my face. 

Keep us posted about your upcoming surgery ok?  I'm going to be keeping you in my thoughts & sending positive vibes your way.

Date Posted: 1/21/2009 10:06 PM ET
Member Since: 12/20/2005
Posts: 152
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Mel, I'm so sorry that your mother can't be supportive.  I know it doesn't make you feel any better for me to say this, but it is her loss.  As always, I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Date Posted: 1/21/2009 10:36 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Thank you.  Of course I will be keeping anyone up to date.  Since I was just laid off from work yet again, I can't start looking for a new job until I am healed.  I guess this means more time for reading books since I can't do anything anyway besides heal. 

Is anyone looking to adopt a 27 year old ftm who has no major vices?  My only vice is books and I drink about 2 glasses of alcohol a month if that.  Non-smoker.  No illegal drugs.  Multiple degrees.  Loves most animals but not keen on bugs.  Comes complete with a Son-in-law and granddaughter.

Date Posted: 1/22/2009 12:25 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
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i'd like to know how she thinks she can "ban" you from going to ft. lauderdale....

i'd be takin a lil vacation. but of course that is my mean streak talking.

good luck with your surgery.  mine went very well so i am sure yours will too.

Date Posted: 1/22/2009 12:44 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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My mother is insane.  I'm allowed to go down there for my already paid for 10 year reunion but if she finds out I am down there again she seems to think she can call the police and have me forced to leave the city.

And thanks.  I am confident in my surgeon, but not keen on the idea that my mother wants me dead and wishes she was up here to jam poison in the IV herself.  Don't I have the world's nicest mother?

Date Posted: 1/22/2009 5:41 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2005
Posts: 94
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I don't know what kind of relationship you had with your mother but that's got to hurt, regardless.  It's one thing to not understand or disagree with one's choices and another to wish such a fate on someone.  Sometimes folks close to us can be the cruelest.  Hope the wound from your mother's words heal fast (and that your body heals fast too).  Hope you continue to do what is best for you and what makes you happiest.

Take care.

 

Date Posted: 1/22/2009 10:59 PM ET
Member Since: 12/20/2005
Posts: 152
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Sorry, Mel, I can't adopt you I live in Flori-duh!  But you sound like a good son to have!  Too bad you mom doesn't see that.

Date Posted: 1/22/2009 11:00 PM ET
Member Since: 1/13/2005
Posts: 2,317
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Oh Mel, I'm so sorry!  I wish I could say something that would make it less awful, but I really have no idea what to say, except that sometimes people who are scared and guilty say truly vicious things that they later regret.  I'm very glad for you about your surgery, and I hope your recovery is as quick and painless as possible!  Keep us posted when you can!

Date Posted: 1/22/2009 11:20 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Are you sure you can't adopt me Rose?  We could always try and do a one parent adoption and then try to get your partner on as a second parent.  Sometimes that works.  My mother unfortunately lives in Florida.  I want to smack her stupid.  I mean what exactly did I ever do to her?  With friends like this who needs enemies?

And thanks.  I try to be a good son but there are times I wonder if I was stolen from the hospital as I am much better to my mom than she is to me.  :(  When I was in college, I actually took out student loans to pay her mortgage for 3 months. 

Date Posted: 1/23/2009 3:52 PM ET
Member Since: 6/20/2007
Posts: 4,974
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Mel, I am so sorry to hear that you were the target of such vicious remarks.  They would have hurt coming from anyone, but I can't even imagine the pain of them coming from your mother.  My heart goes out to you.

I wish you a speedy recovery (in advance) as well.

Date Posted: 1/23/2009 4:02 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Thank you Sheryl.  My surgeon's office called me to tell me my surgery was going to be delayed by 30 minutes and I told them what my mother said and they said they were going to tell the surgeon to keep on the lookout for shady characters.  They can't believe she said it either, they asked if she was joking.  :(  I assured them she was not.

Date Posted: 1/23/2009 4:14 PM ET
Member Since: 10/20/2007
Posts: 1,680
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This is my first time on this particular forum and I must say - as a mother -  Mel you have my best wishes.  I can't understand how someone can wish harm to her offspring.   You have to go forward, hold your head up high and cherish the relationships you do have. 

Here's hoping your surgery goes well and you only have bright things ahead for you.

 

 

T. -
Date Posted: 1/23/2009 7:42 PM ET
Member Since: 1/21/2007
Posts: 9,989
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Oh Mel, I can't even imagine.  No matter what my kids might or might not do or be or say--I would NEVER EVER wish them dead.  Hell, I can barely write it here.  My heart goes out to you--and If you want a old, fat, middle-aged granny as your mother, I'd adopt you in a second ;0)  Just call me Mom.

Date Posted: 1/23/2009 11:37 PM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Thank you both.  :)

I love you all.  I knew I could count on some support from my friends here.  :)

Hugs to you all!

Date Posted: 1/24/2009 2:37 PM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Mel - you always have my support!!  And I'm always available by PM if you need a listen ear, so to speak.

I'm glad you said something to your dr. about your mother's comment, it's good for them to be aware of ppl like that.

Date Posted: 1/24/2009 3:32 PM ET
Member Since: 11/27/2006
Posts: 1,768
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Mel, I am so sorry :-(

I would adopt you in a heartbeat! You deserve so much better!

Best wishes on your surgery.

Date Posted: 1/24/2009 4:13 PM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2007
Posts: 5,930
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Oh Mel, that's just awful.  I'm so sorry your mom doesn't appreciate how lucky she is.  She should be proud to have a son as smart and brave and honest as you.  Good luck with your surgery.

Date Posted: 1/25/2009 2:36 AM ET
Member Since: 11/2/2008
Posts: 26
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I cant belive that crap... I'm so sorry that your mother is treating you that way =(

Date Posted: 1/25/2009 8:38 AM ET
Member Since: 9/20/2005
Posts: 7,478
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Mel, I am so sorry that your mother actually said those words to you.  I don't know what the relationship was before that, but something tells me she has issues and has had issues for some time.  As a mom of three, (two are my nieces whose mother didn't want to mother them and my birth daughter conceived through AI) I remind myself daily how lucky I am that I was chosen by them to mother them.  I know, from personal experience, parents have a way of making or breaking our spirits.  It took me well over 32 years to change the broken me, but I have not looked back and many have made the journey with me-even my parents!  It was not easy to be all about me, but it worked for me.

I would like to share your story with my DDs, if that is okay, it helps them to understand unconditional love and compassion for the human race.

Your surgery will go off without a hitch and you will have lots of good vibrations headed in your direction.  Peace and love-Kathi

Date Posted: 1/25/2009 10:47 AM ET
Member Since: 1/27/2007
Posts: 426
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Thank you :)  Especially you Vanessa.  I would like to think I am not the worst person to have as a son (the worst I suspect would be my father who is completely horrible to his mom.)

Kathi, we never had the world's best relationship.  I could tell you stories that would curl your hair.  She never had my best interests at heart.  She tried having me declared "retarded" a few times when I was younger.  And with only one exception, if there was a medical situation or psychological situation, I never got to go to the doctors except for vaccinations.  I had a grand mal seizure in the doctor's office when I was 17, do you think I went to a neurologist?   Nooooo!  Did I get even examined by the primary care doctor or anything?  Noooo!  I was just rushed out the door.  I tried to take my own life several times because of my gender issues, so much that the school required me to see a therapist.  To this day, over 10 years later, my mother swears I never saw a therapist and thinks I am lying to her.  Of course all of this could be because she doesn't believe in therapy.  She fought with my gender therapist over me too when I paid for an appointment for her to talk about things.  She nearly got me killed when we were on the way home.  And please by all means Kathi, tell your daughters the story and tell them how grateful they are to have a Mom like you.

Date Posted: 1/25/2009 12:05 PM ET
Member Since: 4/20/2006
Posts: 5,665
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Mel, I am so sorry.  :*(  I will never understand how a parent could be so cruel to a child.  One day, she will regret her choices.  In the meantime, I hope that you can look past her confusion and hatred and focus on your future.  You are young and have the whole world ahead of you.  Best wishes to you on your upcoming surgery.

Date Posted: 1/25/2009 3:10 PM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Mel - I don't know how you made it through childhood, but I am sincerely grateful that you did, because I would have never met you, let alone get to know you if you hadn't.  For those of us whose mothers are less than motherly, just remember that we are here on this planet for a reason and have survived despite those who gave birth to us. 

Mel, when I was in my late 20's I had a couple of friends and we started our own 'psycho mothers from hell' club, wanna join? ;-)  Like I said before, my mother has never wished me dead, but sometimes the passive-aggressive remarks and other such behaviors can do their own damage to our psyches.  And when I start getting down about how much my mother isn't a 'mom', I'm going to remind myself to come back here & read this thread.

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