|Haiku______A taste of life
Slide the knife softly against my inner thigh
sink inside of me slowly
you lick the blood from the skin.
Will you slide it across my neck
as you take me from behind
the sharp steel glints in the moonlight.
detached as Pan's shadow
a memory of happier times (was I ever truly happy?)
and a promise to never feel whole again.
No feelings, no consisitant thought
the meaningless jumble of things that should matter
but what is important? I don't know anymore
all life seems trivial.
The somber night, the smell of nothing,
warm suffocation of days end
too tired to think, too tired to breathe,
too tired to be.
Sleep, my grave,
my silent savior
the only thing to hope for
the end of a disparaging day.
No hope but that I will dream of you
and this time the story will have a happy ending
I can forget the things you did to me
Oh, how you made me long for death.
Vini, Vidi, Vici ( poem)
but I will never admit defeat.
Body broken, bloody, rejected,
my last words will always be "fuck you".
How lucky to be able to walk away
on steady feet, calm heart, and guiltless soul.
Crawl into me (poem)
Crawl into my soul
make a little home for yourself
discover all the silent and still secrets
I hold dear to my heart,
a living corpse
dying, rotting, breathing,
blackened yet still beating.
Crawl into my eyes
quiet, probing, malicious
windows to the soul.
Empty smile bears no promises
only echoes of things once said
my truths, my lies,
Dark and Secret (poem)
With time stretched out before me
I longed for you,
I ached for you,
loneliness consumed and devoured me
a demanding need for your love.
Sky, Earth, Soul,
rotting away in front of my eyes
I chose you to be my grave
so I could crawl away in secret
and hide in all your dark places.
The smell of damp earth
slowly dying flesh,
your eyes searched mine for a sign
for me to say, it's not over yet,
will it ever be over?
The fibers of my being fused to yours
two souls entwined in silence
and the knowing of things as they are
and shall always be.......
All I ever wanted was you
I thought I could be everything you wanted
I could breathe you, feel you, revolve my life around you..
I thought no one could touch me with you by my side
and I put you on a pedestal that you slowly slid off of
too much adoration becomes confining to some
too much love becomes suffocating..
I guess you coud say that I drowned you in my emotions
with no one else to turn to, you drifted away
although I was there all along.
now that you are gone, I wonder..
who is really the victim..you or I?
Now, alone, needy, and depressed,
I long for the suffocating devotion I gave to you.