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Topic: Recommendations-My boyfriend and I are struggling right now...any devotion

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Subject: Recommendations-My boyfriend and I are struggling right now...any devotion
Date Posted: 10/10/2007 4:15 PM ET
Member Since: 7/28/2007
Posts: 487
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Wow, I just read some of the other links and love this part of the site.

I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago because of some issues we were having.  From that he really started talking to me and I see that we have hope.  We are talking to the couples counselor at church next week and from there will start working with a pastoral counselor (It was hard to get an appt with him and we want someone with a Christian perspective).

Do you guys have any suggestions on relationship books or devotions we could work on together during this rough patch.  I truly have hope for us.

Also, please pray for us!

Thanks,

Amy

Date Posted: 10/12/2007 11:57 PM ET
Member Since: 8/26/2007
Posts: 264
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Amy,

   I suggest anything by Eric and Leslie Ludy.  You should read Authentic Beauty by Leslie and he should read God's Gift To Women by Eric.   They  have a book they wrote together called when God Writes Your Love Story that is amazing and their own story is documented in When Dreams Come True and its beautiful and inspirational!  Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren is amazing and Joel Osteen's - Your Best Life Now will change the way you think.  All of those would be wonderful for helping you two figure out where you fit in with each other and where God fits in with you two :-)  Good luck!

Date Posted: 10/13/2007 11:35 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 120
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Amy,

My suggestion is not so much a focus on your relationship with your boyfriend but your relationship with the Lord, individually.  You both need to make sure your priority is with God first and being obedient to what He wants.  As you submit yourself entirely to Him you more easily will be able to follow His guidance for your life together, if that is even what He desires for you.

It sounds too 'easy' and cliche but it's the same advice that I would give for married or dating couples.  None of us are perfect and we won't ever have 'arrived' spiritually until we go to be with Lord, but if our entire devotion is to Him first then the rest of our lives begin to fall into place.  That should be your starting point.  And I would just ask, is your boyfriend a spiritual leader?  Does he take the lead in suggesting you guys pray together, does he have a strong devotion life, do you have to drag him to church or is he anxious to go?  Are you guys serving in church?  If he is not these things now, that will probably not change if you were to marry, and in fact those shortcomings will be magnified.  I know too many women who thought they could influence their future husband to become that godly man after marriage, only to find that they have no spiritual connection and that's a lonely place to be.

I don't mean to sound negative or a downer, maybe you are both very strong Christians and your issues are more on compatibility.  If so, just be sure you're in God's will.

blessings

Ange

Date Posted: 10/13/2007 1:18 PM ET
Member Since: 4/20/2007
Posts: 60
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Great advice from Angela!  Dating, marriage, and every other relationship should come under the priority in our individual walk with Christ. There is such a freedom in being led by the Lord and not just the uncertainty of our feelings.

A great (but emotionally difficult sometimes) read is Lies Women Believe... by Nancy Leigh Demoss. She also has written a book called A Place of Quiet Rest that talks about establishing that intimate relationship with God on a daily basis. And of course don't forget reading the Bible, that is the book that should take priority above all others.

I will be praying for you and your boyfriend, Amy. Keep us updated on your meeting with the pastoral counselor.

Katie P.

Date Posted: 10/13/2007 1:38 PM ET
Member Since: 8/26/2007
Posts: 264
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Amy,

     They are both right - the books I advised for you are not actually for dating couples.  They are all about your relationship with God and then when that is right that God will bring the right person to you.  Two emotionally messed up people getting together does not equal one emotionally stable person.  It equals two emotionally messed up people stressing each other out.  The best thing you can do for your relationship with him is to make sure both of your relationships with God are in a good place - a really good place :-)

Date Posted: 10/15/2007 10:59 AM ET
Member Since: 7/28/2007
Posts: 487
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Well fortunately we are both Christian and neither seem to be "emotionally messed up,"  we are having a very hard time communicating and he is dealing with some family issues.

We ordered "Fit to be Tied" by Bill and Lynne Hybels and are going to study it on our own in addition to talking to the pastoral counselor and the couples minister.

Thank you for your advice.

Date Posted: 10/18/2007 10:58 PM ET
Member Since: 9/11/2007
Posts: 27
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If your having problems communicating, and whilie this isn't christian per se, it does offer some common sence advice.  Men are from mars and women are from venus. 

Good luck.

Date Posted: 10/19/2007 10:54 AM ET
Member Since: 7/11/2007
Posts: 245
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How about The Five Love Languages

 

Also, to learn more about biblical manhood/womanhood, I'd recommend the books Wild At Heart & Captivating.  Once you each finished reading the one meant for your gender, I suggest swapping so that you can understand one another better.

Date Posted: 10/19/2007 11:04 AM ET
Member Since: 4/20/2007
Posts: 60
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Hey Amy,

Just curious how things went with the counselor? You have been in my prayers.

Also, for a specific book for couples,  I would recommend Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. My husband and I led a study of this on DVD. I think it would be beneficial to any couple thinking of marriage. 

Date Posted: 10/19/2007 1:38 PM ET
Member Since: 7/28/2007
Posts: 487
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Hi Katie/all,

Thank you for checking in.  Our pastor had to reschedule on Wednesday and it was a wild day.  We decided we would meet for dinner and during the afternoon ended up in an argument.  We ended up spending 4 hours at his house talking a lot of things out and working on seeing each other's side on some things.  It was amazing how it all turned out with out the "referee." 

Our talk confirmed that our problems all go back to communication and different perspectives.  The basis of a great relationship is there and for 2 years it has been great.  We were raised very differently with the exception of a Christian family (his parents divorced/mine not, living paycheck to paycheck in his family/ my family somewhat well to do) and those perspectives have seeped into our adult lives in the way we communicate and look at life mostly in the short term.  Our long term goals are very similar. He even showed me a spread sheet he had been keeping for the last year on his savings so that when we get married and have kids I can stay at home or work a part time job for vacation and family fun money.  That may not mean much to anyone else, but to me it was one of the most touching things ever.  He has always been very afraid to look at the possibility of a family living on one income due to the way he grew up.  To me that spoke volumes and said he believed in us and God's path for us.

We are still scheduled to see the Pastoral Counselor that has come so highly recommended on Nov. 7th.  Until then we are going to read our Bible Study and meet once or twice a week to talk about that.

I truly believe after our very powerful day on Wednesday that we are going to make it and with the help of God and Ron Greer the pastoral counselor we are going to come out better than ever.

Please keep praying, I think it is truly helping and opening our hearts to hear what is best from all resources!!!

Thank you and blessings to you all!

Amy

Date Posted: 10/24/2007 7:22 PM ET
Member Since: 7/6/2005
Posts: 404
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Check out the books by Laura Sleshenger (sp?)  When you see the books, you will know which one is for you.  If you are having issues while dating those issues will be magnified 100 times over after marriage.  You can't force him to be the guy you are looking for. 

Date Posted: 10/24/2007 8:06 PM ET
Member Since: 7/28/2007
Posts: 487
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Thank you for the recommendation.  Not trying to force anything, just trying to get through a tough time...I think all couples have them.  We are very blessed to have supportive families and friends and again, I truly belive we will become stronger from this.