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Topic: Snide or Not?

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Subject: Snide or Not?
Date Posted: 12/10/2014 12:43 PM ET
Member Since: 2/26/2013
Posts: 743
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I requested a book.  Sender denied, did not explain but said something like this:  "My book is from 1984 and has been sitting on my shelf for twenty years.  If you want it in pristine condition, go to a bookstore and buy a NEW book!"   My conditions clearly state the following, so as not to cause confusion:  no loose binings, torn pages or water damage.  Newer hardccover books should have dust covers, but these do NOT have to be in pristine condition.  Cookbooks are excluded.

This was a cookbook, it would have been excluded, and was certainly not a "newer" book.  I wrote back, nicely said I was sorry she denied the request, explained the snide comment was uncalled for.  This morning, she informed me it wasn't snide.  I beg to differ.  Since she is a new member, I explained I was a kind swapper, didn't add uncalled for remarks when declining, and suggested she do the same, as if I found it snide, others probably would, and wished her happy swapping.  Do you think it was snide?  (I think that because I pointed out she "misread" my conditions she was perhaps hoping I would order the book again).

 

 

 



Last Edited on: 12/11/14 12:59 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/10/2014 12:49 PM ET
Member Since: 7/19/2008
Posts: 15,476
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I'm confused. If she turned down your RC, then you would not have a record of the request to contact her.

And boy, would I ever be pissy if someone contacted me about turning down an RC. I'd be more than snide. I'd report it.

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 1:14 PM ET
Member Since: 1/30/2009
Posts: 5,696
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Honestly, you asked. She responded. I can't imagine you thought you would like the reply and she really was under no obligation to respond at all. Why make a fuss?

Subject: Yes, snide
Date Posted: 12/10/2014 1:22 PM ET
Member Since: 1/10/2009
Posts: 332
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It seems to me that there's a difference between just turning down a request because of an RC, and adding snarly comments about the requestor's RC to the refusal. If it'd been me, I think I would have reported the decliner to Team PBS for, perhaps, unnecessary roughness. As has been said in these forums many times, members are allowed to specify whatever they like in their RCs, and someone who doesn't like any RCs, doesn't like that RC, or whose book doesn't meet the RC is only required to turn down the request, not comment on the requestor.

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 1:38 PM ET
Member Since: 1/30/2009
Posts: 5,696
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But, according to the OP the person who turned down the request didn't explain at that time. The OP specifically asked. That's what I don't really get (as Emily said above).

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 2:30 PM ET
Member Since: 6/2/2014
Posts: 9,943
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I don't think the way she handled it was nice. I always leave a comment if i have to decline (I have a very sweet black lab and he sheds alot..I always have to decline when they have the no pets rc) but I think kindness is always in order. She should have answered you nicer imo. If it was me, I wouldn't have asked why she declined.
Date Posted: 12/10/2014 2:43 PM ET
Member Since: 1/30/2009
Posts: 5,696
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As we can't see the message the OP sent the sender, or the exact message in response, I think maybe everyone should give everybody the benefit of the doubt. I really think the best thing to do is to just movie along and forget about it. I don't really understand what anything else is going to accomplish.

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 3:14 PM ET
Member Since: 5/7/2009
Posts: 793
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I agree.  I didn't think anyone was obligated to explain why a request due to conditions was refused.

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 4:24 PM ET
Member Since: 7/19/2008
Posts: 15,476
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I think the new member might have selected the "cannot send book" rather than turning down the RC. When we turn down an RC, we are required to explain. Even if it just is no.

But the RC decline is hidden. It does not go in our archive. It is made to be guilt free. As members have been harassed in the past about turning down RCs. It was built to be blind on both sides. 

And yes. I have turned down RCs just because of the tone. You have a very small window to ask for a member to go above the minimum conditions. Tone really matters.



Last Edited on: 12/10/14 4:33 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/10/2014 5:02 PM ET
Member Since: 3/25/2014
Posts: 2,793
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That's interesting info Emily. Esp. about the site not wanting members to be tracked down because they declined sending out a book. 

Joanne, I'm thinking they misread your RC  and though you only wanted PRISTINE books.

You asked why they declined, they got flustered and told you straight up why.  Telling them they were snide probably did not help.  I understand you THINKING  it but telling them never helps.  

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 5:51 PM ET
Member Since: 12/3/2005
Posts: 3,352
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Honestly, I probably would have been a bit snippy had I been contacted about why I wouldn't send either. Really, there was no need for that message to be sent.

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 6:41 PM ET
Member Since: 1/30/2009
Posts: 5,696
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Right? If someone asked me why I turned down an RC, the honest answer would probably be: "Your RC vaguely irritated me so I decided I didn't want to deal with it."

Date Posted: 12/10/2014 8:12 PM ET
Member Since: 6/2/2014
Posts: 9,943
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I just see it as either ignoring it if it bothered me or saying, hey I didn't feel like my book met your rc's. Have a nice day. It's just as easy to ignore it too though...so I guess I would lean that way first if it were me
Date Posted: 12/10/2014 8:18 PM ET
Member Since: 8/16/2007
Posts: 15,201
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Frankly, every time I see someone telling a member on PBS that if they want a like new book to go to a bookstore I want to reach through the computer and smack them. There are plenty of people swapping like new and new books so that mentality just chaps my hide.

But, I think the person got annoyed because they were tracked down and confronted for turning down a request. People have the right to turn down any request with an RC and don't have to explain why they can't send it. It doesn't matter if your RC says cookbooks are excluded, you had the RC turned on on the request and they apparently didn't want to deal with it. They had that right and didn't have to explain themselves, though the site does prefer people at least put something in. I think they felt attacked and attacked back.

Was it snide? Maybe. Certainly not really polite. Is it worth escalating to something more? Probably not.

ps - I'd clarify your statement on "Cookbooks excluded.". Excluded from what? The previous sentence? The whole RC? It would be best if you turned off your RC when you ordered a cookbook if it doesn't apply. This member could have accepted the request and then cancelled because they really weren't sure what to do with the RC.

Date Posted: 12/11/2014 12:47 AM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,177
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In addition to some excellent comments already posted, many members are sensitive about RC's and more so about being contacted/pm'd unnecessarily.  Although you may have been curious, probably time to grab those Big Girl Panties and move on without feeling offended.

Date Posted: 12/11/2014 2:24 AM ET
Member Since: 8/26/2006
Posts: 9,339
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If there are no more copies of a book posted, then when a sender declines the Requestor Conditions, the reason typed in there is included in a message the site sends the requestor.  This can be helpful -- sometimes something will be said that can make the requestor realize she should reword something in the RC, or even turn the RC off and reorder the book.  The sender's identity is not included in the message the site sends.  The reason should be polite.  It can be as simple as "I don't accept Requestor Conditions", or it can be more detailed, explaining if part of the RC was confusing or vague.  The Admin Team does ask that we actually type something that the requestor can read -- we're asked not just to type a period, for example.

Date Posted: 12/11/2014 6:42 AM ET
Member Since: 9/25/2008
Posts: 4,140
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As someone with requestor conditions, there is a chance that each wishlisted book accepted will not meet my conditions and gets declined by the sender. I'm okay with waiting until one does. I would never send a message to whoever posted the book as to why they declined and know I'd be irritated if someone sent me a message.

Date Posted: 12/11/2014 6:50 AM ET
Member Since: 8/30/2008
Posts: 2,207
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I agree with Rebecca. If I had an RC (I don't but if I did) I wouldn't question a decline, or send them a message. I have the right to an RC, they have the right to decline. I've declined a few with vague, subjective RCs but a blanket "does not meet requestor's conditions" should be sufficient.



Last Edited on: 12/11/14 6:50 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 12/12/2014 8:29 AM ET
Member Since: 11/15/2008
Posts: 3,308
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That response would irritate me, but people seem to get offended by RCs, so I usually just bite my tongue, hold my typing finger and ignore them. That said, from the other side, I would probably be annoyed about someone tracking me down about turning down an RC. 

I have a plastic wrap RC because my mail carrier walks, and I occasionally get wet mail despite having a covered box. It says, " Please protect books with some type of plastic- I have a walking mailman and unpredictable weather.  Thank you so much for sharing your book !" I sometimes get snide turn downs. One time someone responded that she had a brand new book that she would be putting in a plastic envelope, but I wouldn't be getting it because of my sense of entitlement...the "neener neener" refusal. She had a right to turn me down even though I considered the way she did it spiteful and nasty. The point is that RCs are irritating to some people, and occasional turn downs are the price we pay for having special conditions.

Date Posted: 12/12/2014 9:08 AM ET
Member Since: 6/2/2014
Posts: 9,943
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Wow Karen! That person was just mean! I only turn down pet rc's because I have a black lab/great dane mix so I don't have a choice. I've seen RC's similar to yours and I just accept, wrap the books (I always put a layer of paper, then plastic, then an envelope) with extra plastic and then pm with the tracking number and I hope you enjoy your new book. I don't get why people need to be unkind. I love this site, I enjoy books in general and a swap like this is so much fun. I love everything about it from trying to send and receive books from each state/territory, to the sometime chatty pm about an author or book, etc  I think what makes any site nice is kindness behind the keyboard.

If you ever order a book from me Karen, it will be wrapped with an extra layer of plastic :-)

Date Posted: 12/12/2014 11:36 AM ET
Member Since: 3/25/2014
Posts: 2,793
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I usually just bite my tongue, hold my typing finger and ignore them

That's what I do when people type irritating and stupid comments.  

I can vent/curse a person up and down from the privacy of my own home but I don't need to type it. 

A moment of frustration will pass. 

Sometimes the RC's do read like a Royal decree, even if not meant that way. 

 

Date Posted: 12/12/2014 2:04 PM ET
Member Since: 7/19/2008
Posts: 15,476
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Then there are the RCs where folks vent. Oh boy. Talk about scary.

Date Posted: 12/12/2014 2:31 PM ET
Member Since: 6/2/2014
Posts: 9,943
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The RC's that have thrown me are the ones that say but before you decline contact me first.
Date Posted: 12/13/2014 1:56 AM ET
Member Since: 7/19/2008
Posts: 15,476
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Oh yes! Contact me first, but I won't give you my nickname so you can actually do it. I will reward you by causing you to lose your place in line.

Date Posted: 12/13/2014 6:40 PM ET
Member Since: 6/2/2014
Posts: 9,943
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I guess when the rc's say contact me first before you decline is so you can describe the book? I never decline though unless the pet rc is there.. Why would contacting cause someone to lose their place in line?
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