The Eclectic Pen - The Storm


By: Kami (Kidsey)   + 9 more  
Date Submitted: 3/1/2009
Last Updated: 3/2/2009
Genre:
Words: 168
Rating:


  Dark clouds gathered in the night sky, thier stomachs rumbling for exitment. But they where shy, until the biggest shook and gave off a roar of thunder and a flash of lightning. It hit an old tree, and its leaves shattered like glass, in all directions. People hurried off into thier houses, huddling like penguins to stay warm. Rain sounded like marbles shattering arcoss the rooftops. Wind knocked on thier doors and pounded on thier locked windows. The clouds fought for glory, searching for the strongest wind, and the fiercest lightning. But soon, they where tired, and it only drizzled gentle hazy drops. Plants seemed still, yet the wind had them dancing, and the animals seemed quiet, yet the birds hurried off for better shelter, and the frogs croaked happily, joyuos for the rain. The gentle drops tempted one to come outside and catch them. But it would sting your arms, and scortch your lips. No one would go outside. The clouds where still angry.

(Please comment :D )


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Comments 1 to 10 of 10
Kami (Kidsey) - 3/2/2009 12:39 AM ET
Wow.
Kimberly Z. (chiKaD27) - , - 3/2/2009 2:30 AM ET
Dude, your speling suks.
Trisha (dakkota1599) - 3/2/2009 3:27 AM ET
First of all, what is this about? Is it a short story, poem or what? May I suggest spell check? You are really good ay describing and using adjectives!
Kami (Kidsey) - 3/2/2009 11:01 PM ET
Thanks for the spell check thing :) i'm really bad at that stuff. It's called discriptive writing, where you pick a subject and write about a paragraph about it. It's really good writing extersise. (for more read 'Tips on how to be a good writer') :) I've been through like, 20 writing classes.
Kami (Kidsey) - 3/6/2009 12:09 AM ET
Seriously, Please comment! I like to know what people are thinking when they read this! :)
Stacy B. (stori) - 3/8/2009 4:39 PM ET
you didnt seem to capture emotion of people quite as well or not at all. I didn't really enjoy it. You should try writng something else
Kami (Kidsey) - 3/8/2009 4:56 PM ET
kay, thanks. :) I know, it doesent have much purpose. But it is a good discription.
Karen B. (SciFiFan) - , - 3/12/2009 5:43 PM ET
Try re-doing this with the same idea only using analogies. good phasology...poetry-try poetry-it will allow you to express yourself the way you want to, I think. Have you read Emily Dickenson? Try her...you may really enjoy her work.
Molly K. (PurpleZebra) - - 4/7/2009 12:29 AM ET
i hate it!! its terrible!!! just kidding!! ahhmazing! this is molly and mallory haha
Tally R. - 9/22/2009 9:23 PM ET
I like how you give feeling and emotions to your objects, like 'The clouds where still angry'. And yes, I think you have failed with your spelling. Great job though.
Comments 1 to 10 of 10