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Topic: a vent...on a TIRED subject.

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Subject: a vent...on a TIRED subject.
Date Posted: 6/18/2011 12:33 AM ET
Member Since: 1/19/2009
Posts: 154
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ETA: I accidently hit the highlight, sry- it was hard to read originally

 

So, I know the "to send a thank you or to not send a thank you" debate has been worn out several times. I'm kinda weird about it, I'd say 85% of the time I send an obligatory "thank you", almost like a compulsion, I can't stop! while I really would rather not get them... Yeah, I know, weird and hypocritical, lol,but I'd never actually gripe because someone says or doesn't say Thank You. I'm polite by nature, I'm one that Thanks the cop when he finishes handing me the ticket. .

 

Anyway, this week I got my first book in awhile, and sometime the mark recieved format has changed, and I actually missed the whole PM the sender spot while marking it...Reguardless, I get a PM with nothing more than a big ol' capatalized UH... YOUR WELCOME..... :|  (The red part is copied from my PM.) I'm so annoyed by this simple little PM. Kind of like "how dare this woman.....". UGH, I'm angry about it, and that makes me even more mad, that this has gotten under my skin, it should not be a big deal at all, but it just irks me to no end. AND I KNOW IT SHOULDN'T. 

Do other people do this? Chastise people who you do not get "Thank You's" from?

Its not like I sent her a PM back that said, I thanked you by rewarding you your credit as soon as I got the book, now- YOUR WELCOME.  But I thought it

wink



Last Edited on: 6/18/11 12:37 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 6/18/2011 12:42 AM ET
Member Since: 11/28/2010
Posts: 754
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It would annoy me too. 

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 12:47 AM ET
Member Since: 1/15/2007
Posts: 1,410
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I'd say that was vent worthy.  Didn't they learn that it's not polite to call attention to another person's breach of etiquette?

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 12:48 AM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,167
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I liked your response ... and your restraint to only think it and not pm.

Although (as you said) many members have stated a preference for Thank You vs. Don't Clutter up my Inbox ... that's the first nastygram I recall.  Like you, the last time TPTB updated the log-in process (couple years ago) I also missed the 'pm sender' box's new location.  I felt bad for not thanking members for the much appreciated books...but I also didn't receive cranky messages.

**HUGS**

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 1:06 AM ET
Member Since: 1/19/2009
Posts: 154
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 glad to see that I'm not TOTALLY over thinking this, and at least some of you guys agree it was indeed rude, to be rude while insinuating that I'm rude, lol!

Just...UGH.

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 1:31 AM ET
Member Since: 1/22/2011
Posts: 2,388
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Beth,

I also missed the new message box the first few times receiving books.

I also agonized over the whole response/ no response thing at first. That message would have wrecked my day in February. Now you just have to laugh at the craziness of some people and know they are around . It seems that caring , thoughtful people like you always get zapped by stuff like this.

I'm glad you didn't respond because now this person has no idea that it bothered you. Foolish, silly , mean people aren't worth the worry!   Keep the faith.

I do not think it is a breach of etiquette to not say thanks either. I do not expect thanks yet appreciate it if someone takes the time to express it. It's all OK, except to go out of your way to be mean like the PMer did.

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 1:55 AM ET
Member Since: 6/4/2007
Posts: 2,941
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Even in everyday life, this irks me. I know I should always make a point to express gratitude when it's called for, and I don't necessarily mind if someone speaks up when I've neglected to do so, but the almost sarcastic "you're WELCOME" is just so rude, it almost negates the need for a thank you. If the only reason a person does something is to earn gratitude, I think that motive is a bit questionable. As much as I can appreciate when someone remembers to thank me, I don't do things just so I can be told how great I am for doing them. If I'm kind enough to do something for someone, I'd like to think I should be kind enough to forgive a neglected thank you.

 

eta: "to be rude while insinuating that I'm rude, lol!"   Exactly!



Last Edited on: 6/18/11 1:56 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 6/18/2011 2:22 AM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,167
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"...I'd like to think I should be kind enough to forgive a neglected thank you."   +1

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 2:51 AM ET
Member Since: 5/25/2009
Posts: 598
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I would be annoyed that they used the wrong "you're" ;) 

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 2:58 AM ET
Member Since: 6/4/2007
Posts: 2,941
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Now that you mention it, Becca, that is quite irksome in its own right lol

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 3:28 AM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2011
Posts: 634
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My 2 cents; we have become a society who expects instant gratification and forgetting our manners along the way.  Growing up I was taught (as my mum called it) the golden rule; do onto others as you want done unto you.

I have seen similar debates over emails and sending thank you responses.  Is it that hard to drop a quick email/pm thank you?   The debate should become not if you should PM a thank you but do you really need to send a You are welcome response?

 

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 6:45 AM ET
Member Since: 8/10/2005
Posts: 4,597
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I doubt I would have been as polite as you were. But then I'm one of those rude buggers who never sends a thank you so what do you expect? cool

Cheryl

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 7:21 AM ET
Member Since: 1/22/2011
Posts: 2,388
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Cheryl, you are not rude.

I like your potato; took me a while to see the suit!

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 9:56 AM ET
Member Since: 5/25/2010
Posts: 262
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The rule of etiquette that it's rude to correct other people's etiquette is one of the most ignored - often by the people who claim to value etiquette the most. I like Miss Manners' declaration that the only person whose etiquette you have a right to correct is someone you're raising - and even then, only while you're still raising them, not  when they come home for a visit. Of course, that also means that I can't tell people who correct my etiquette that they're being rude, much as I'd like to.

No, it's not that hard to drop a quick thank you. In fact, it's substantially easier to send thanks than it is to receive them. Sending them, you just have to tab to a box and type; receiving them, you have to click on several things to get to your PMs, open that message, and possibly delete it to keep it from hiding the messages that you might want to refer to later. Some people enjoy thanks enough that they don't mind all the clicking; other people don't, and would rather not have to mess with it.

I wonder if there's a way to solve this "thank you" debate by changing the system a bit, so that it's equally as easy to see the thanks as it is to send them? It would work, if books didn't immediately disappear from our tabs when they were marked received. They could stay there under our "sent" tab (or under a "received" tag) with the thanks message (or whatever other message) displayed. Maybe there could be a "save as PM" button so that we could save the ones that need saving, and a "dismiss" button for the ones we don't want to keep. It would still be extra clicking for thank-yous, but less than currently. Maybe that would stop the "thank you" debates on the forums? That's probably too much to ask, though - probably some people would still want to eliminate that last click, and others would not like the fact that a thank you was not always sent, even though it's so easy. You can't suit everyone, unfortunately.

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 1:02 PM ET
Member Since: 2/2/2010
Posts: 1,206
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That was rude.  I stopped sending the Thank you's unless I had something to say.

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 1:06 PM ET
Member Since: 12/4/2005
Posts: 2,320
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I'm a thank you pm girl and am not about to change that but I really don't care if anyone thanks me or not or responds to my thank you pm's.  I just feel better when I've sent one--somehow I equate that with a successfully completed transaction:lol:   Guess my mom is to thank for that w/ all the thank you cards and letters I was made to issue during my childhood:) 

That was really unnecessary and rude.  You ended up the winner in that by NOT responding to that anti-gracious remark.  When stuff like that happens to me I take comfort in knowing Karma will do what Karma will do:lol:

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 1:12 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,167
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ROFL Becca  enlightened

patticom - ,
Date Posted: 6/18/2011 6:14 PM ET
Member Since: 11/3/2007
Posts: 416
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You know, while it's unusual for someone to be snarky about NOT receiving an evidently expected thank you, this has become such a common debate that I wonder if it isn't time to write directly to the owners and see how much trouble it would be for them to re-word the "yay, your book has been marked received" to something more like "your book has been marked received, with thanks!" for any book marked "received no problem"

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 7:07 PM ET
Member Since: 11/28/2010
Posts: 754
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.



Last Edited on: 6/18/11 7:10 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 6/18/2011 7:23 PM ET
Member Since: 1/22/2011
Posts: 2,388
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Patticom,   Someone had suggested an Auto - Thanks button in another thread.  It was debated.  Right now everyone has the option to do or not do what they want. I'm guessing the majority of members here don't read these forum threads and do what feels right to each one.  Let it be.  Fill the blank box with words , or not, everyones choice. We who discuss it must just like the sound of our own voices , as suggested in another thread.

Date Posted: 6/18/2011 8:58 PM ET
Member Since: 10/30/2009
Posts: 962
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I don't thank people when I receive a book, and I don't expect it in return.  I'm the type of person who believes that if everything is satisfactory with the transaction, it's enough to just mark it received.  I doubt blame your vent.  It would irk me too.  I would however, shrug it off.  I wouldn't PM the person, because that let's them know it bugged you.  I personally wouldn't want them to know that.  Gives them satisfaction.  We all know it's a swapping site.  When it's marked received (with no problem), that should be good enough.

Personally, I hate getting the "thank you" PMs.  That means I have to get in and delete them.  Guess that's why I don't do it.  Why make more work for someone?  I think we all know that the receiver is thankful for the book.  Why else would they swap? lol

Kellie



Last Edited on: 6/18/11 9:03 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 6/18/2011 10:33 PM ET
Member Since: 1/19/2009
Posts: 154
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Kellie S, Thats the way I think of it too, I always just figure that the person I sent it to was thankful or else they wouldn't have requested a book and marked it recieved! I have to laugh @ how childish I think the PM was, but at the same time, it still kinda ticks me off. 

It also makes me wonder how many of these snippy PM's she sends out, because I know from my experience w/ swapping, probably 50% don't send the "thanks" PM, she oughtta be exhausted if she's on a one woman mission to reform rude swappers, lol.

LOL@ Becca, the whole your and you're thing, I didn't even catch it, I was so wrapped up in the PM,I missed it....I'm guessing it would be over the top to correct her, huh? Lol, J/K

Date Posted: 6/20/2011 8:06 AM ET
Member Since: 8/27/2007
Posts: 3,326
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I'd send it back, corrected to YOU'RE WELCOME    :-p

Date Posted: 6/20/2011 8:47 AM ET
Member Since: 3/27/2009
Posts: 1,516
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Oh my gosh.  Some people....

And I agree if you're going to chastise someone at least use the correct word.

Date Posted: 6/20/2011 10:46 AM ET
Member Since: 8/5/2009
Posts: 7,937
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I would be annoyed that they used the wrong "you're" ;)

Is it bad that it's the first thing I noticed? That definitely irks me. With that said, if I get a thank you, great, but if I don't, I don't assume the person is being rude. I just assume that they don't send thank yous (because of the whole debate around here), or that they just were in a hurry. And now, maybe that they didn't see the PM box. (I haven't had to mark a book received in the new format)

@Beth, I'm like you -- "thank you" to a fault, almost....

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