The Eclectic Pen - Warrior


By: Kami (Kidsey)   + 9 more  
Date Submitted: 4/29/2009
Last Updated: 4/30/2009
Genre: Teen & Young Adult » Science Fiction & Fantasy
Words: 445
Rating:


  NOTE FOR THE STORY: kay, I just FINISHED THIS VERY LONG STORY WITH 27 VERY LONGGGG CHAPTERS, SO NOW I'M WORKING ON SOMETHING NEW! If you read past this really long and annoying note you will see that this is a CHILDRENS story. 10-15, really for and tween-teen age. Thats all i can really write!! :D It is supposed to be very misty and confusing because this is only the first part!! Kids:ENJOY! HEY, JUST CUS ITS A KIDS STORY DOES NOT MEAN GROWN-UPS CANNOT READ IT! If you think about it, I read kids books all the time! Get my imagination flowing!!

Warrior
Fate can lead and interesting path.
I remember myself outside, with hazely black eyes, dark blond hair, that was very long and crazy and annoying. It was splashing in my face, blurring my vision, thanks to the wind. It was so crazy, if i didn't know better a would cut it all off. But then i would of course look like a boy, with all my manly features...
I was sitting in a tree, whatching my best friend, Fitch, walking down the rocky path, his lemony hair too, blowing in the wind.
He walked by my tree, I, hoping he would not see me through my covering of leaves. As soon as he walked by I jumped down behind him yelling, "Sneak attack!"
He jerked forward and turned around, "Warrior!" He called, "I said not to do that! Unfair, I call!" He started pouting, fake, of course.
"Your 3rd call." I said, "I'm afraid you've ran out."
"Guess what?" He said with new enthusiasm, and changing the subject. I paused, pretending to be deep in thought.
"You met Helen of Sparta!" I cried, and twirled around, "You sweeped her off her feet and Aphrodite has granted you're wish, Helen falling in love with you, and she is hiding in your house this moment!"
Fitch rolled his eyes, "Helen and I? Never."
"Then tell me your good news, oh knight!"
"Surley I will, oh queen. My father has granted me a sword!"
"Get out!" I cried happily, "Does thou knight know how to use it?"
He scoffed, "Am I from the mighty land of Sparta or the er- land of- um. Athena?"
It was my turn to roll my eyes, "Athena is a goddess, smart one. Do you mean Athens?"
"Ah, yes! My queen, I stand corrected, I am from Calafornia!"
I sighed, "Dude! Thats not from this time! Oh, well sir knight, of calafornia."
"Lets go Masiel," Fitch said, smiling. He grabbed my arm and started pulling to my own house.

PLEEEEEAAAASE COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!


Speaking of which, would you like me to write more? I don't want to write the whole thing and the people not like it!! :D


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Comments 1 to 7 of 7
Mary Elizabeth W. (beth84) - , - 4/30/2009 1:15 AM ET
It is misty..very misty.. :) I have no idea what the story is about but like you said, it's just the beginning. :) Have you proofread this yet? Please do not take this the wrong way. I'm not sure if you're aware but there some grammatical and spelling errors in there but the story sounds like it could be good. :) I, like you, love kids' books, especially fantasy. Keep up the good work! :)
katzpawz - 4/30/2009 5:47 AM ET
Like Beth 84,I was put off by your unfortunate use of grammar, and your spelling troubles. My advice is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS proofread, use Spellcheck and proofread again! The plot/story idea is truly interesting - a couple of "today" kids playing and becoming.....and/or going to.......great idea! Keep writing!
Kami (Kidsey) - 4/30/2009 11:34 AM ET
Thanks! I'll take your advice, i just do HATE proof reading. :) usually i'm just focused on finishing the story that i never focus on the rest. :D
Kami (Kidsey) - 5/6/2009 7:44 PM ET
PLEEEAAAASSSE COMMENT! LOVE IT!
TurboTurdle - 5/10/2009 2:05 AM ET
Dude, This..... STORY.....IS......AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kimberly Z. (chiKaD27) - , - 5/13/2009 8:20 PM ET
I like it. I like it a lot!
Tally R. - 9/23/2009 7:56 PM ET
Like all above me, proofreading would be a very smart move! It is a great start!
Comments 1 to 7 of 7