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Topic: What happened to Etiquette?

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Subject: What happened to Etiquette?
Date Posted: 7/7/2010 12:01 PM ET
Member Since: 10/28/2009
Posts: 28
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Maybe it's just me; I had a sent a book to a member who had rc's but since my book met them I okayed the transaction and sent it along. However I should have REALLY checked the book over because it apparently was highlighted in and the member sent a very terse pm to me. She had capatilized some words (which is the electronic equivalent of yelling) and said that book met the rc's but not PBS guidelines, she wanted her credit back etc. Pm was two sentences (not quoted here), no niceties whatsoever.

I'm fine with that. I immediately refunded her credit, apologized (it was my fault) but I also told her that her pm came off as rude.

Is it really so difficult to be polite and to get your point across without being rude and demanding? I enjoy swapping books here and I don't expect 100% of every transaction to be perfect......after all we are swapping used books..........but  polite words goes a long way!.....Christine

Date Posted: 7/7/2010 12:05 PM ET
Member Since: 6/29/2007
Posts: 17,127
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It is very hard to interpret the intent and emotion of a message and text.  In her mind, she might have been stating facts (as she sees them).  I think that a "please" and "thank you" can go a long way into making messages more friendly.

Date Posted: 7/7/2010 12:08 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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I'm so sorry this happened to you.  it's a bad feeling when you realized you've made an error.  There's no need for rudeness.  But if the PM wasn't abusive maybe the requester was containing feelings that have built up over getting unpostable books in the past.  It can happen frequently and one can get very upset over it after a while.  You absolutely are to be commended for doing the "right" thing and certainly shouldn't be criticized since it wasn't intended on your part.

I guess the best thing you can do is to "shake it off" as we used to tell our kids in baseball and let it go.  I know it stings.

Ruth

Date Posted: 7/7/2010 1:43 PM ET
Member Since: 2/9/2010
Posts: 154
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Is it really so difficult to be polite and to get your point across without being rude and demanding?

 

Obviously, for some it is. The problem is that it has become acceptable to be rude and loud these days. So all we do is make excuses for them even there is NO excuse for rude behavior.

Ignoring it only fosters the it - call her on it. Tell her that her rudness does not belong here.

She should learn (we are all adults and should have learnded) that civility is not a sign of weakenss

wc

Date Posted: 7/7/2010 2:14 PM ET
Member Since: 8/25/2009
Posts: 697
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I find whenever I post I really need to put in a bunch of smileys or I sound grouchy.   smiley

 

Should have added, "or email".  blush



Last Edited on: 7/7/10 2:14 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/7/2010 3:11 PM ET
Member Since: 2/28/2009
Posts: 27
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I honestly think people that are uneccessarliy rude like this, either here on the internet or in person, and very unhappy people, in their way, who feel the need to lash out and share their misery.  At least if I approach them like this, I almost have a little sympathy for them and their screwy lives, rather than get too angry with them.   Is this a crazy generalization of mine?  Right or wrong, it helps me cope with them much better.  laugh

Date Posted: 7/7/2010 3:27 PM ET
Member Since: 12/8/2007
Posts: 1,011
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Once I was trying to be nice and sympathetic to someone who had sent a book that did not meet posting guidelines (it was an ARC) and she totally took it the wrong way! She felt I was being snotty and condescending, when all I really was trying to say was that it could happen to anyone and that I had made the same mistake once before myself when I first joined. Hopefully, your person wasn't really trying to be mean. However, if they were being rotten, I firmly believe stuff like that always comes back at them. AND I do agree that people are much less polite these days- maybe due to PMs, IMs, texting, and Facebook (no face-to-face interactions)?

Date Posted: 7/7/2010 3:40 PM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2007
Posts: 3,044
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I honestly think people that are uneccessarliy rude like this, either here on the internet or in person, and very unhappy people, in their way, who feel the need to lash out and share their misery.  At least if I approach them like this, I almost have a little sympathy for them and their screwy lives, rather than get too angry with them.   Is this a crazy generalization of mine?  Right or wrong, it helps me cope with them much better.

I feel the same. Or try to, especially when I'm at work and it's a customer I'm dealing with. I just imagine they must be so unhappy to get so upset over a couple dollars or some other small thing. Another thing that helps is just being glad my parents never exhibited such self-righteous, entitled behavior so that I didn't end up like that and miserable as a result.



Last Edited on: 7/7/10 3:40 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/8/2010 9:26 AM ET
Member Since: 6/21/2007
Posts: 2,015
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Last Edited on: 2/3/15 5:31 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/8/2010 10:55 AM ET
Member Since: 2/21/2009
Posts: 2,925
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I've also found that in PMs, capitalization is sometimes used as emphasis as there is no option for italics or underlining, not necessarily yelling. I try to look at them as if that is the case - helps me not get bent out of shape.

Date Posted: 7/8/2010 1:06 PM ET
Member Since: 8/10/2005
Posts: 4,599
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Yep, unfortunately rude people are all around us. It's not just via e-mail or PM or other internet contact...they are out there in real life too. I deal with a fair number of them every day. Some people are not going to be happy no matter what you do. (As my dear departed dad used to say, "Some people would complain if they were hung with a new rope!" LOL)

I believe there are some people whose sole mission in life is to cause trouble and make others miserable. I have no idea why, but after all these years dealing with people, I think it's true. The best way to deal with them is to not give them the satisfaction of rattling you and upsetting you. Deal with things factually and don't get emotional, and have as little contact as possible. I would just ignore that last PM--answering it won't really serve any purpose and will likely just rile you up more. You can't change how people treat you--but you can control how you respond to their vitriol.

Cheryl

Date Posted: 7/8/2010 2:04 PM ET
Member Since: 2/23/2009
Posts: 96
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There is definitely a better way to word messages and not be rude. I'm guessing that she has had several "problem" transactions and she finally reached her breaking point, unfortunately she vented her frustration out on you. I think you did the right thing by letting her know that she was rude and she didn't need to be.