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Topic: So why is it some people seem to get ticked off if you have conditions?

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Subject: So why is it some people seem to get ticked off if you have conditions?
Date Posted: 9/23/2007 9:04 PM ET
Member Since: 1/25/2007
Posts: 5
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I sometimes get kind of snippy messages about my condition. All I said is: "Please no books from smoking enviornments. I am highly sensitive to the smell of smoke..Thanks!"

 I CAN'T tolerate smelling cigarette smoke and reading a book with smoke in it makes me slightly ill. Is it worded wrong? I don't know if people feel judged or something, but I don't want to recieve a book I know I can't read..

Date Posted: 9/23/2007 9:27 PM ET
Member Since: 11/18/2005
Posts: 5,408
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Some people would react to ANY condition.  It is perfectly clear to me.

Date Posted: 9/23/2007 9:44 PM ET
Member Since: 6/1/2005
Posts: 11
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I have a terrible sense of smell.  While I don't smoke, I don't know if the book I am sending has ever been in a smoking environment and has a smoking odor that I can't detect but would be stong enough to bother you.  While I understand your condition and why you have it, I would decline your request with the above explanation.  Hopefully, that wouldn't be a snippy message.  If it is, please let me know. 

Date Posted: 9/23/2007 11:39 PM ET
Member Since: 8/5/2005
Posts: 30
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I'm in agreement with Joan H--while I don't smoke, I can't account for where my books have been before I got them, since most of them are from this site or from used bookstores.  I respect your condition, but just to be safe, I will always turn down a book with a smoking condition, unless it's for a book I purchased new and has always been in my non-smoking environment.  I hope that when I turn down these requests that I don't sound snippy.

Also, I don't think your condition is worded incorrectly.  It's concise and polite.



Last Edited on: 9/23/07 11:40 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/23/2007 11:48 PM ET
Member Since: 12/26/2005
Posts: 12,167
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Jennifer, there's nothing wrong with your condition.  I might turn you down if I had a book from a UBS and thought it smelled questionable (no one in my house smokes), but dang, there's just no reason to be snippy about it! 

If people are giving you attitude, ignore it. 

ETA:  The thing that would make me consider declining you for a book with unknown history is the "highly sensitive" part of your conditions.  To me, that sounds like you may have a serious allergy or asthma that could be tripped by a slightly smokey book.  I wouldn't hesitate to send you a book that I purchased new or one that has been on my shelf for years, but a recently acquired used book - well, I might hesitate.



Last Edited on: 9/23/07 11:53 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/24/2007 12:29 AM ET
Member Since: 8/16/2007
Posts: 15,177
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I too am baffled why people get upset when we have conditions. I also have a smoking condition because I get migraines from strong smoke smell. One thing I would say about your condition the way it is worded it is hard to tell how strickly you want it applied. I would wonder if you mean if it has EVER been in a smoking envirionment, or do you mean the current environment? Some may be upset because so many used books have an unknown history.

I have turned down 2 smoking conditions even though I would never have a book that smelled a lot. The wording seemed like it was expected that the book had smokefree forever, and since I had received the books from a smoker (9 years ago) I felt I had to decline the order even though the books had no smoke.

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 1:23 AM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2005
Posts: 4,469
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They're frustrated, has nothing to do with the wording, your wording sounds reasonable--and sometimes they may not mean to be snippy, it just comes across that way(of course, sometimes they may mean to be snippy, hard to tell). 

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 2:02 AM ET
Member Since: 8/17/2007
Posts: 113
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I have a smoking condition as well, but that's mostly to prevent the "OMG OVERPOWERING" books from getting to me.  I open the packages myself and a book like that will set off my (reactive) asthma and/or trigger a migraine (it's fun to be me some days...).  If it's questionable for my level of sensitivity (i.e., I can handle it but don't want to have my nose buried in it for a few hours) I can stick it in a box of baking soda for a few weeks and it'll be fine (my TBR pile is large enough that I don't read anything immediately after it shows up).

My conditions state:

I am not willing to receive books that are currently in a smoking home or smell like smoke.  If you got the book used, but you don't smoke and it does not smell like smoke to you, please send the book.  Thanks!

Denise

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 2:16 AM ET
Member Since: 2/5/2007
Posts: 30,791
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I've said before and I'll say again.  I am thankful that you put in conditions, especially if you have allergies.   I smoked until a few months ago.       I'd NEVER want to send a book that would make anyone sick!!!!          As for the other conditons - I'm happy for someone to have those too - I want YOU to be as happy with the books I send as I am to be sending them.   I'll meet your conditions IF I can, and if not I'll decline without any type of nasty gram.          

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 9:38 AM ET
Member Since: 1/8/2007
Posts: 8,139
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I ditto Cindy's comment regarding your "highly sensitive" comment. You'll probably receive many declines with that wording, because books from a UBS might have a questionable history, and if you're that sensitive....

Now, if you're really wanting to say that it's OK to send the book as long as the sender is a non-smoker, then you might try something like:

"If your home is a non-smoking home and your book doesn't smell like smoke to you, please send me the book! If your home is a smoking home or the book smells smoky to you, please do not send."

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 9:40 AM ET
Member Since: 3/25/2007
Posts: 102
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I have no problem with conditions but I would probably decline even though I don't smoke, I don't know where most of my books have come from and I wouldn't want to make you sick, especially as you are highly sensitive.



Last Edited on: 9/24/07 9:41 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/24/2007 10:05 AM ET
Member Since: 10/3/2006
Posts: 638
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My condition reads, 'Please no smoky smelling books.'  I've been turned down twice by smokers, but that's all.  I don't care if the book used to smell like smoke, as long as it doesn't smell now. 

I think your wording is fine, but I wouldn't send you a book I didn't know the history of because  you say you're highly sensitive.



Last Edited on: 9/24/07 9:17 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/24/2007 10:10 AM ET
Member Since: 6/10/2007
Posts: 10,401
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I have a no-smoking condition, and I have been turned down three times. I've never gotten a nasty comment about it, though.

Judith L. (JML) - ,
Date Posted: 9/24/2007 10:13 AM ET
Member Since: 10/28/2005
Posts: 189
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I agree with Jane K.  I am also allergic to tobacco, and I'm very sensitive to smoke but I don't have a condition, because it isn't a life threatening allergy.  I just air smoky books on my porch until they don't bother me anymore, but I hesitate to send one to someone with your condition because I don't want to trigger a serious reaction.  I sympathize with you, so I don't think I'm snippy when I turn down your request, but I think sometimes it may seem snippy because the printed word doesn't always convey the feelings of the writer.

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 10:20 AM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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I use the word "hypersensitive" in my conditions, pertaining to my son's nose and the smell of smoke.  I've been turned down, but it's never been snippy.  Actually, a few people have PM'd me, saying they turned me down, but they're holding the book aside for me and if I'd like it regardless, I can still have it.  I think because I say that most of the books are for my teenage son, so when I order the divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood they probably figure it's not for my son.  ha ha.  If it's not for my son I do send a PM telling them they can ignore my conditions, but again I've never had a snarky reply. 

But to me, your conditions are short, polite and to the point.  If you are highly sensitive, as my son is, leave it in.  Why get a book you can't read.  But if that's an overstatement, I'd do what everyone here said and find different wording. 

And finally, as others had said, you need to do what will bring you the books you can read and not worry about how it will be perceived.  Some people will be unhappy with conditions even if they're dripping with honey, and others will just take them for what they are, send or not send, however their book meets your conditions, and not give it a second thought. 

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 2:11 PM ET
Member Since: 6/13/2007
Posts: 905
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 it amazes me that someone would actually be rude just because you have a requestor condition.  I mean,  for heavens sake they are only books.  some people take themselves way too seriously.  I'd consider it a blessing that they turned you down as you wouldn't want to deal with them in the long run anyway.

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 4:14 PM ET
Member Since: 5/10/2007
Posts: 5,526
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I think it is fine, I just might change it to mention current non-smoking environment since we don't always know the history of the book!

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 4:42 PM ET
Member Since: 8/21/2007
Posts: 97
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I think your wording is fine too, I wouldn't have a problem sending to you.  I am sensitive to smoke as well, and even if I didn't know the history of the book I'd feel comfortable that if it didn't bother me, it wouldn't bother you.  That said, if I were not so sensitive myself I might decline if I didn't know the history of a book - better safe than sorry, right? 

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 5:42 PM ET
Member Since: 12/23/2005
Posts: 1,157
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I would word it like, I'm sorry but I do not wish to receive books from a current smoking environment. I have this condition but do not get turned down very often. I really don't care how others feel about the condition. If they don't want to accept, I'll wait until another book comes along. I am allergic to that smell as well.

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 7:47 PM ET
Member Since: 4/30/2007
Posts: 16
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I have recently turned down two smoking conditions because I did not know the history of the book. 

If I was presented with a condition similar to how Jane K. worded it ("If your home is a non-smoking home and your book doesn't smell like smoke to you, please send me the book! If your home is a smoking home or the book smells smoky to you, please do not send."), I would have sent the book. 

I hope I didn't sound snippy in MY refusals, I simply tried to explain that I wasn't going to send the book because I didn't buy the book new and I didn't know where it had been before me. In case it was me, who turned you down, Jennifer H., I'll apologize  anyway!  I hope you get your book soon!

Date Posted: 9/24/2007 9:24 PM ET
Member Since: 11/25/2006
Posts: 351
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Well, your wording doesn't sound mean, or unreasonable.since I smoke, I have to turn down a lot of requests.Even if I do NOT smoke inside or around my books, I would not take the chance to make anyone sick.You should see some of the badly worded conditions though.You are being polite and not at all snippy.I wish there was an "ignore" feature here sometimes.Oh well.

Date Posted: 9/25/2007 1:03 AM ET
Member Since: 2/19/2007
Posts: 3,022
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I think it all depends on the tone of the request.  I understand the smoking and pets and allergy stuff.  But it's the wanting only new or like new books or those that sound condescending that I automatically turn down.

Date Posted: 9/25/2007 12:27 PM ET
Member Since: 10/6/2005
Posts: 10,632
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There's no good excuse to get snippy about requester conditions, but I wonder if the person who got snippy with the OP might have been "burned" in the past (no pun intended) about smoky books. I've been accused of violating no-smoking conditions in the past and it's pretty upsetting because I'm not the smoker, my mailman is, so it's totally not my fault - plus it's not the book that reeks, it's the wrapper. Unless I KNOW I can get to the post office in the next 5 days, I will always turn down a smoking condition now b/c I know anything that goes into my mailbox is going to end up reeking.

Date Posted: 9/25/2007 2:54 PM ET
Member Since: 2/18/2007
Posts: 1
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I agree that your request was polite. The only time I have responded negatively to conditions is when the request is worded in a way that feels impolite and demanding. I also agree about just ignoring it. The anonymity of the net (among other factors) increasingly seems to allow people to think it's OK to be rude.

Date Posted: 9/25/2007 6:34 PM ET
Member Since: 6/26/2007
Posts: 729
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I've had to turn down requests before because we smoke here. I always just pm the person & say sorry ours is a smoking home. :( Does that sound rude? I hope not!
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