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Secret Ceremonies: A Mormon Woman's Intimate Diary of Marriage and Beyond
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Secret Ceremonies: A Mormon Woman's Intimate Diary of Marriage and Beyond
Author: Deborah Laake

Book Information
Publisher: William Morrow Co
Book Type: Hardcover
Rating:

ISBN-13: 9780688093044 - ISBN-10: 0688093043
Publication Date: 4/1993
Pages: 240


Other Versions of this Book: Paperback, Audio Cassette

Book Description:
Secret Ceremonies is the story of the awakening of Deborah Laake, who came of age in the early seventies in a manner that would have appeared out-of-step but certainly not tumultuous to an outsider. At a time when her generation was protesting a war and transforming national headlines into a saga of campus violence, she was instead a typical Mormon girl who experienced her college years at peaceful Brigham Young University as the fulfillment of all her dreams. She received good grades there, was attractive and popular and devout - but most of all she found The One, the man who declared that his claim to her was a matter of divine revelation. The role of dutiful wife and mother was the one she believed she was made for, and thus she was married in the sacred chambers of a Mormon temple while still in her teens, participating in angel-inspired ceremonies of special handshakes and voodoo of which much of the world is still unaware.

From there her life - a picture-perfect one according to the Mormon standards by which she was raised - became an out-of-kilter dream from which she feared she'd never rouse. Her husband was a man whom she had never loved, whom she nonetheless believed God had chosen for her, but with whom she couldn't force herself to remain. Divorced by age twenty, she had failed at marriage, the only task that mattered, and gradually she realized that she was being punished. Barred from the Mormon temple by church authorities, even threatened with excommunication, she found her depression deepening.

Trying to live up to the church's expectations of her, she married again, unaware that the result would be a spiral of mental illness that would propel her into a hospital ward of unabashed psychotics, the likes of whom she'd never imagined. There, among the truly unconventional, she somehow recognized a modern world beckoning to her from beyond the closed patriarchal society that had always sheltered her yet kept her from true maturity.

Always lyrical and often unexpectedly funny, Secret Ceremonies is a compassionate but brutally honest insider's look at modern Mormon society. It describes the mystery of the rituals, the beauty and rigor of the theology, and the traditions of one of the world's fastest-growing Christian churches. It is also a complex rite-of-passage story, a tale of the war between religious faith and personal integrity. As a book that states the unspeakable - the official and unofficial secret ceremonies that underlie the lives of Mormon wives - it is a triumphant act of self-affirmation.

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Top Member Book Reviews

R. S. (vinneboombah) wrote on 10/2/2007...

7 member(s) found this review helpful.

This is a rare opportunity to see inside the LDS and get not only a description of the ceremonies and practices but the restrictive lives some young women experience. Clearly, the author, as a lapsed Mormon, represents that life differently than a believer would — IF a believer would discuss anything. But the fact that there exists an institution for overwhelmed women in need of hospitalization suggests that Deborah Laake's experience isn't unique.

The transition from starry eyed devotee to troubled soul looking for help within the LDS world to a humiliated divorcee to her eventual steps outside the LDS world make for good reading.

Suzanne B. (SuzanneB) wrote on 2/20/2008...

6 member(s) found this review helpful.

Very interesting peek at what goes on within the cult-like, patriarchial LDS world. Note: (The author has since passed away (suicide) after her excommunication and subsequent bout with cancer.) A similar, more contemporary memoir is Martha Beck's LEAVING THE SAINTS. Both authors are very brave to expose both the hypocrisy and the secrecy of the Mormon religion.

Althea M. (althea) wrote on 9/11/2008...

5 member(s) found this review helpful.

This non-fiction autobiography purports to be an expose of the Mormon religion, but is really just an expose of one woman's unhappy life.

I haven't learned anything I didn't know about Mormonism from this book, but I have learned more details than I really ever needed to know about a stranger's sex life!

The book isn't very well written, either, but it has the same weird appeal as that of a daytime talk show, where you can't really figure out WHY the guests want to reveal these sordid and intimate details of their lives to the general public.

And Laake does pretty much admit that the messes she gets herself into are her own fault... she's just pretty spineless. For example, she marries a guy she doesn't love - but it wasn't an arranged marriage or anything - the guy pursued her, she didn't have the guts to break up with him or tell him no, and she *assumes* that her family would want her to marry him. Of course, the marriage doesn't go well. But it wasn't her church that got her into the mess. After the divorce (which her family supports her through), yes, church elders treat her pretty badly. But you know what? No one's forcing her to go to counseling with male elders who are weirdly obsessed with the details of her sex life. No one's even forcing her to be a Mormon!

In the end, the moral you can take away from the story is that trying to live your life by what you *think* are other people's expectations for you will only make you miserable. Reading Laake's story, I keep wanting to say "Stick up for yourself!" and "Get over it!"
But, I read on salon.com that a while after this book became a bestseller, she committed suicide. While I disagree with many aspects of Mormonism (and of pretty much all religions - I'm an equal-opportunity atheist!), I don't think the religion she was brought up in was really responsible for her unhappiness in life. After all, plenty of people leave a religion without letting it ruin their life! The problem was her personal inability to decide what *she* wanted from life, and to go out and find it.

Nancy H. wrote on 3/11/2007...

4 member(s) found this review helpful.

This is a Mormon Woman's diary of the secret ceremonies she went through and her struggle to adhere to the religion and then to overcome her guilt feelings.

ANNA S. (SanJoseCa) wrote on 8/16/2006...

4 member(s) found this review helpful.

A brutally honest insider's look at modern Mormon society. It describes the mystery of the rituals, and the traditons of one of the world's fastest growing Christian Churches.

Bernie N. (Bernie) wrote on 9/17/2005...

4 member(s) found this review helpful.

Very interesting look into a Morman marriage. I learned a bit reading it. Worth a read if you want a "peek" inside the secret lives of a Morman woman.

Liese S. (bookaddict) wrote on 12/2/2005...

3 member(s) found this review helpful.

An interesting, revealing book about the Mormon rituals of marriage.

Pat W. (Scareplane) wrote on 5/2/2007...

2 member(s) found this review helpful.

Interesting!

Carla N. (MomZaMedic) wrote on 10/27/2009...

1 member(s) found this review helpful.

A very depressed, confused, woman navigates through her life as a Mormon. She confuses religious dogma with her sexuality. She also tends to place blame on outside influences that affect her life. I think her perception of Mormon life (and her sexual frustration) is skewed by her untreated depression. She jumps quickly into relationships followed by marriages and then is confused as to why they all fail. Although she portrays herself as a victim she is a survivor who uses people and situations to benefit her needs at the moment. No amount of words or explaining can alter that fact.

Ellen J. wrote on 7/9/2009...

1 member(s) found this review helpful.

This book is full of half truths and outright lies about the Mormon church. I urge everyone who reads it to get the whole truth by contacting a member of the Mormon church or speaking with the missionaries representing the church. This woman clearly was not mature enough to handle a temple marriage (probably not any marriage) and conveniently blames the church when things don't go her way.


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