- 9/30/2007 12:57 PM ET
He snapped off Anorexic Ken’s head.
“Wait, wait, don’t put that one in yet.”
He set aside Anorexic, reaching over my satchel, turning away from the fire. Fumbled in the bucket.
“Good.” Ash smiled. She grabbed the doll. Twisted its head counterclockwise. Snapped. Ken’s head plunked into the bucket in an orderly fashion.
“We’re demented,” Ian lamented.
“Then leave,” Ash dared.
“Wanna go first?”
“Sure.” He retrieved a head form the bucket, his toes poking out from his Tevas towards the fire.
He reached in vain. Ash threw Serenity Ken into the flaming pit. The Chinese carcinogenic plastic melted slimily.
“I have serious issues with your stress reduction techniques,” Ian bitched.
“I have serious issues with your face.”
“I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or not. This is really vexing,” Ian taunted.
Ash took our her tongs, and removed the waxy half melted Ken head from the blazing pit.
“OW! You bitch!” Ian clutched his cheek.
Ash snickered. “Stop being such a pussy.”
“According to you, I already have one.”
“Well, you still need a little surgical assistance.”
“So does your face,” he sneered. “Who do I sound like?”
“Your mother,” she responded.
“Who loves me,” he added.
“Who was too broke to have an abortion, and too stupid to just use her AMEX,” she retorted breathlessly.
“You do realize that’s only an insult when you say it to another Republican?” he asked.
She threw another flaming head at him, but hit his elbow this time.
“Why are we here?” she asked.
“Because fire is an aphrodisiac for you?”
“Unnecessary. Oxygen is an aphrodisiac for you.”
“What do you have against hydrogen?” he asked.
“Well, it was partially responsible for the demise of the EV-1 electric car by GM, and you know how much I love the environment.” She took out the torsos.
“I’m thirsty,” he whined.
“I think there’s a vending machine by the Korea vets.” she pointed towards the mausoleum.
“Should I thank them for dying to give you the right to spend a perfectly good evening doing nothing productive?”
“Silly, that’s why we import Asians.” She pursed her lips.
“And yet you oppose high caps on Green Card quotas. Well, you’re just a statistics prodigy, aren’t you?” He fake-sighed.
She threw another molten Ken at his cheek.
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