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Topic: Wrote a play for a festival...critique please!!

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Subject: Wrote a play for a festival...critique please!!
Date Posted: 8/20/2007 12:37 AM ET
Member Since: 2/18/2007
Posts: 57
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Hey all,

My friend DeDe is hosting a play festival in Israel. Limit: 1 page. Theme: Judaism/Israel/Jewish identity. Anything Jewish. Here's my submission. What do y'all think?




Jacob Hellman



BARB – Head waitress in her 60s, big blonde ‘do. Townsperson.

ARI – Orthodox Jew in his 20s, passing through Falls City.

CANDICE – Teenage cook and dishwasher. Townsperson.

DOUG – Elderly Army veteran. Townsperson.


SETTING: Alice’s Restaurant, Falls City, Nebraska, as indicated by a large sign. Arlo Guthrie’s song “Alice’s Restaurant” is playing in the background. BARB, CANDICE, and DOUG are sitting at tables, smoking.


ENTER ARI, UCS. All TOWNSPEOPLE turn to him. Beat.


BARB: Go ‘head. Sit anywhere you like.

ARI: Thanks. (ALL go back to former positions. ARI sits at a table. BARB picks up menu and gives to ARI.) Are you Alice?

BARB: No, I’m Barb. What brings you here?

ARI: Just passing through. I’m Ari. Nice to meet you.

BARB: Charmed. Anything to drink?

ARI (looking over menu): Water’s fine.

BARB: Okay. Take your time. (BARB goes back to table, starts a cigarette, and counts silently to ten. Stands up and returns to table with pen and paper.) What’ll it be?

ARI: I’ll have...anything on the menu without meat.

BARB: Peanut butter and jelly it is. Candice! (signals CANDICE to head to the kitchen, which she does. Peanut butter & jelly sandwich and glass of water appear on counter.)

CANDICE: Order up!
(BARB brings meal to ARI, goes to clean a table. He says a blessing over the sandwich and starts to eat.)

CANDICE: What was that?

ARI: A blessing over food. I say it in Hebrew.

DOUG (to ARI): You a Hebrew?

(ALL face ARI)

ARI: I’m Jewish.

BARB (leaning against table): I’ve been here sixty years. I do believe you’re the first Jew to ever visit Falls City, Nebraska, population 4,769.

ARI (looking up, surprised): Huh. Whaddaya know. (ARI goes back to eating sandwich, ignores TOWNSPEOPLE)

CANDICE (coming out from behind counter, sitting back down): I never met a Jew before.

DOUG: Likely never meet one again.

BARB: I don’t see what all the fuss is about.

CANDICE: Meeting a Jew...isn’t it like meeting one of God’s chosen people? I went to Sunday School, but they never told us that Jews really still existed. What should we do? Offer some sacrifices? Ask him if he b’lieves in God? What about that Kabbalah stuff like I read about in People magazine? He could put a spell on us. We better be extra nice to him. More water? (Goes to ARI, who politely refuses, then returns to her spot. ARI keeps eating, oblivious.)

DOUG: Me, I’m not so sure about that. His people killed Jesus Christ, Lord knows what he’s capable of. I think we should just steer clear of him until he walks out that door, gets back in his car, and goes back wherever the hell he – (erupts into coughing fit, puts out cigarette. ARI notices.) I’m okay, just inhaled somethin’. (ARI goes back to eating.)

BARB: Really, people, you oughta be ashamed of yourselves. Doesn’t matter one lick to me whether he worships God or Jesus or Moses or tractors. Look at him, he’s a person too, just like you or me. Like any one of us. I b’lieve he should be treated like one. (ALL look at ARI.)

ARI (looking up at them): Best PB&J in the state of Nebraska. Check please?


Date Posted: 8/20/2007 12:43 AM ET
Member Since: 3/5/2007
Posts: 2
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Date Posted: 8/20/2007 12:44 AM ET
Member Since: 3/5/2007
Posts: 2
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Not bad.  Esp for a 19 year old writer.  Keep it up.




Date Posted: 8/20/2007 1:18 AM ET
Member Since: 3/3/2007
Posts: 4
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Interesting...I like it.  Simple and poignant.  And funny :-)

Date Posted: 8/21/2007 12:31 PM ET
Member Since: 3/20/2007
Posts: 272
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Like teyahstone, I find it interesting.  I've never read a script for a play before, so i dont think i am getting the true feeling. i am used to having facial expressions and physical responses described more. but i do believe it is a good work.  Keep it up Libra, you've got a great brain in that head of yours.

Date Posted: 8/25/2007 3:47 PM ET
Member Since: 3/30/2007
Posts: 10,137
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Hey Libra:

Finally found it!!! Sorry it took so long.... It is good. I think you'll go a long way. There are messages in there...sutle but true. Keep up the work!!!  Maybe the next one can have a hon in it!!!!

Good Luck