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Topic: Abusive Relationships

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Subject: Abusive Relationships
Date Posted: 10/13/2008 4:43 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
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Ok, this bothers me. More and more I am talking to Younger lesbians. And more and more they seem to think it is better to be in a bad relationship than not one at all. I dont know if it is to prove they are really lesbians, therefore they stay with the abusive person... or if they dont want to be alone... which as young and bold as some of them are, they wouldn't be alone long.

Now I am not sayin that I haven't met younger lesbians that aren't in decent relationships... in fact, I've met one recently. But she seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

I've been to parties held at friends' houses... and the drama is coming from the young ones that have interdated among the same 20 females and they all show up and want to fight over and ex that they left... does any of that make sense???

Maybe it is just that I have grown out of that...And I have had drama... with an abusive ex as well. But once She was out of the picture...that was it. None of this back and forth with her worrying about who she was dating now, etc.

Ok...Rant Ended.

Kris

Date Posted: 10/15/2008 11:02 PM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2007
Posts: 5,931
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That's terrible Kristi.  The only lesbian relationship I've really seen upclose was my sister and her girlfriend last year, and it was not cool.  DS adored her girlfriend and in the beginning she seemed really cool, but then she started playing all these mind games, trying to make DS jealous and standing her up places.  Finally, after she & DS had planned to go to on a road trip together and spend the evening at an Anime themed ball (for which DS had already bought a custom-made gown) her girlfriend again backed out.  DS told her not to call again and spent the evening with some school friends.  She hasn't kept contact with her ex, although she did get some whiny emails & texts.  It sucks, because DS wants a girlfriend so badly (she's 17 and thinks she'll never be pretty enough or smart enough etc) but my mom & I are so proud of her for not staying with someone who wasn't treating her right.

Date Posted: 10/16/2008 12:10 AM ET
Member Since: 8/13/2008
Posts: 13,147
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Some girls are NOT very nice.  I think that has something to do with it. My cousin gets herself into bad relationship after bad relationship....I feel so bad for her because she always ends up getting her heart broken by these b*tches!! Grrr.

Date Posted: 10/16/2008 2:19 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
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well at least at 17 she got out of it. most at that age dont. so yeah...im proud of her too.

i think a lot of it does involve self esteem. mine was the same way. never thought anyone would be or could be attracted to me. so i know how she feels.

 

Date Posted: 10/29/2008 6:48 PM ET
Member Since: 12/4/2007
Posts: 652
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my daughter is seventeen and she is the one who is abusive why she is so angry i dont know all her relationships with friends and girlfriends are nothing but chaos Ive been very accepting in everything she has done had her in counseling on and of f since she was 11 due to other problems but she seems to be getting worse im at my wits end every girlfriend shes had the other parents hate her and never once have I turned away one of her girlfreinds she  is very blunt and open about being gay which is fine but shes got this atitude if you dont like it kiss my +ss type of thing I  hope and pray she grows out of this I can only do so much for her shes not 12 anymore....I even found her an awesome lesbian therapist but to no avail she haSNT PUT ANYTHING INTO IT..DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS I DONT WANT HER BEING SO MEAN TO GIRLS WHO GET CAUGHT IN HER TRAP WHICH I DO SIT BY AND HAVE TO WATCH she's a very special loving sweet person when she wants to be but this hardcore other side is taking over..if you have any other suggestions plese let me know thanks for listening   denise

 

Date Posted: 10/30/2008 12:17 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
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denise,

maybe she is having a harder time being gay than people think. i suggest therapy that involves you both. if she isnt open to that..i hate to say this, but she is 17...maybe sending her to a crisis center would be a good idea. they do group therapy there... as well as involve the family. and if she is abusive to others, it is only a matter of time til she turns on you or herself. maybe during one of her "sweet and nice " spells you can broach the subject of why she is so angry. ask her if she thinks you dont accept her gayness... or maybe she is mad that she cant make you freak out. some teens like the idea that they are doing things that totally freak out the folks. and when they dont get the reactions they want, Bam!.... but first and foremost, her anger... you CANNOT let her run your household especially if you have other children. you cant forsake all the rest just for that one. i know that sounds mean and cruel... and it doesnt mean you dont love her... but as  a last resort,... she should be out of the home. and yeah... i say all this in a matter of fact kind of way. but i once was that angry teen. though i took it out mainly on myself. i felt i couldnt be myself. maybe i wanted to sabotage everything good in my life. i dont know. ive been a center twice..the first time at age 20... the second at age 29. the first time didnt do crap for me because i didnt want it to... but that last time... i knew i needed help.  and whatever was inside me fighting me to get out and take me over was going to win if i didnt get it.

i hope all goes better for you and your daughter. but PLEASE do not be afraid to take necessary steps to control her anger...or to protect the rest of the family including yourself.

my heart goes with you

kris