The Eclectic Pen - Beyond The Dreams - Chapter 3


By: Stephanie P. (Alniah)   + 2 more  
Date Submitted: 2/16/2007
Genre: Science Fiction & Fantasy » Science Fiction
Words: 599
Rating:


  Axia recognized the musical theme, which she did not like much. She did not know how to approach this fight as the unknown data was still a problem. She should have been able to identify it. She had been trained for that…what was wrong here?
The Maxist hauled at the sky but Axia was not intimidated. She was ready. Defense was her only option, hoping that she would soon come to grasp with the unknown characteristic of her rival. Then, the offensive phase would begin, composed of analyzed attacks.
The blows fused, rated by the rhythm of music that maintained a quick tempo. A multipole attack, multiplicity. Each movement was accelerated, leaving a thin path of color in the air. The fists would not stop, their fluidity was near perfection. They brushed against every part of Axia’s body, as she dodged and blocked them at a few inches from their impact point thanks to her reflexes.
Axia needed to break this pace unless she wanted to see her speed weaken little by little, resulting from the loss of energy brought on by the defense she needed to maintain. One last hit was directed to her brow when she blocked it and counteracted by hitting the Maxist in the jaw; no open wound, just enough strength to disrupt the rate of this infernal aggression. The desired effect took place. The Faulxis had enough time to move away from her opponent as the Maxist restructured her now disordered moves, gaining control back over her muscles.
“To hell with this data.” Axia thought, “I don’t really have any other choice.” She knew that if she kept on being defensive, she would soon tire herself without even impairing the Maxist.
Axia started whirling, her arms on side her body, her hands creating a right angle with her torso: perfect position which gave solidity and slicing to her needles. She gained speed, getting closer to her enemy; the picks formed by her fingers whipped the air, emitting a high whistle. The animal moved back trough a series of back flips. The needles brushed against her trunk as she bent back…if she weakened, she was clawed. One circle, four feet, one back flip…the strengths being tested…the breathings accelerating…the public, their eyes staring, waiting for the blood…the music still flowing,…all knew the gore close…a scream finally rose in the arena: the first blood had been poured, falling on the ground, soiling for the first time this perfectly polished metal…the music slowed down.
The Maxist remained standing still, panting, blood pearling on her chest, drooping from a horizontal nick crossing her skin. The surprised could be read on her features. She was bigger yes, but she could not be more agile. Axia, in a defensive stance facing her, her breathing short, kept a fixed look. They were observing each other, evaluating how much had been gained and lost. The crowd could be heard all the more as the exhilaration had risen in the presence of the split of the liquid of life. Nothing could now unhook the visual attraction they all shared with the center of the arena.
The music resumed its engulfing wave with a beat of bass, bringing with it a gigantic jump from the pseudo-feline. She ended her move falling with all her might on Axia who fell to the ground. The razor blades were darted deeply in her flesh, lacerating her tissues in an effusion of blood; the jaw was getting closer to her face, the warm breath grew stronger…Axia, powerless, her shoulders immobilized by the pain could see the teeth closing on her.


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Comments 1 to 2 of 2
Stephanie P. (Alniah) - 2/19/2007 6:50 PM ET
Please let me know what you think. Thanks!
Wendy R. (WMRod) - 2/25/2007 9:12 PM ET
Please see my comments from Chapter 1; they apply here, too: you're writing the story in passive tense, which keeps the reader out of the character's head (POV). Nice imagery, though.
Comments 1 to 2 of 2