Discussion Forums - The Writers' Forum The Writers' Forum

Topic: Big Block of cheese

Club rule - Please, if you cannot be courteous and respectful, do not post in this forum.
  Unlock Forum posting with Annual Membership.
Subject: Big Block of cheese
Date Posted: 3/6/2014 11:31 AM ET
Member Since: 4/19/2008
Posts: 1,416
Back To Top

“The cheese is here” 
Wow, and so it was. Our cart pusher, his casino badge said Willis, wheeled in a huge buffet table with a flotilla of food and drink. 
As if to top off the metaphor the centerpiece was a 40 pound block of cheddar with a British Flag in it's hull – surrounding it, like little lifeboats, were a variety of lesser cheeses. And further out to sea there were dishes of pretzels and dips. A bucket of ice and variety of can soda graced each wing. 
“Shall I cut the cheese” asked Willis in a British way that hinted that he knew what he said was a double e, but had no other way to phrase it. 
“Sure” said Don. Who then whipped out a guitar and sang. 
“And good ol' boys were eating cheddar and brie and singing closer my farts to thee” 

Even Willis cracked a grin, then proceeded to slice the boat into manageable pieces. 
“When do you wish to vet the guests?” he asked 
Vet? Like animals, what was he talking about 
Janis, who had actually passed English, saved me. 
“Yes, this is Jimbo's game he'd be the best I think” and she winked at me “He would like to question them one by one, but not here” 
“True” I recovered “Let's lead them into...” and I pointed to another area of the suite that was yet unexplored 
“Aw” said Willard “The withdrawing room, excellent choice” 
Withdrawing what? Shit, I never knew you had to boast your vocabulary when you got rich 
I followed Willis to the room, whatever it was 
Mindreader that he was, he carefully explained the history of the term 
“You see ladies of a certain class could not just enter a party straight from the dressing room, one must go to the drawing room to prepare” 
“O, liking chilling” 
“Very good, sir. A marvelous metaphor” 
“Now after the party is over, rather than return directly to her bedroom, a lady must um... chill for a spell and thus the withdrawing room” 
It occurred to me that it was certainly a waste of at least one room just to chill and unchill, but Willis was already on to the next subject. 

“Sir, your first um, candidate is a Mr. Fallbridge, he wishes to speak to you about using your funds to construct an underground chamber for snakes to hibernate. Mr. Fallbridge feels that our little serpent friends have been discriminated against for centuries and it is our job to make amends” 
This strangely made sense to me, I knew snakes went somewhere for the winter, but never thought about it much. I guess I just pictured them slithering south. 
“Mr. Fallbridge” he continued “Would like to hire several snake charmers to insure that our friends have pleasant dreams.” 
Snake dreams! Yes, I could get behind this