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Topic: coming out

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Subject: coming out
Date Posted: 12/7/2008 7:53 PM ET
Member Since: 6/13/2008
Posts: 358
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Any advise for coming out to your parents?? I'm 24, been my gf for 5 years. We live together in a duplex with 2 other roomates. I'm open about my life to everyyoen but my parents, who suspect things, but are VERY strict. Every so often my mom brings up how 'horrible' gay people are and such and I'm tired of lying.

Date Posted: 12/7/2008 9:16 PM ET
Member Since: 9/26/2008
Posts: 109
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i was 29... just left my husband... had 2 kids... needed a place to stay. so i just got up the nerve..and decided that i was tired of not telling them. i was single when i told them. my mom took it the hardest. but, after a bad relationship or 2 i met my current girlfriend of 5 years. now my mom threatens me all the time... you better not do anything to lose that one, if you do i will disown you and adopt her. so... 7 years later...almost 8...my life is exactly as i dreamt it would be... well except for this one small thing called marriage.

you never can tell how someone will react. you just hope that once they get over the shock, and when they realize that we arent like all the stereotypes, that they will still want to remain close.

and even if they dont respond positively.... you have to decide... do you want to live the lie an dhave them in your life, or do you want to be yourself and risk them not being there? there's never an easy answer.

whatever you decide and however it goes, we are all here for you. this group seems to be pretty supportive. so i feel safe in making that general statement.

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 7:27 AM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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I have no advice but just wanted to send some support your way.  I will think good thoughts that your parent's love for you will overcome their fears. hugs.

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 10:00 AM ET
Member Since: 3/10/2006
Posts: 2,819
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I'm sorry your parents will most likely take this hard when you do tell them.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and make them less fearful and hateful as well.  I hope that you can help them understand.

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 10:31 AM ET
Member Since: 6/13/2008
Posts: 358
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thanks for the support... i feel like a big baby. everyone else i know has seem to come out to their families ages ago and here i am in a 5 year relationship with lips tightly sealed...
Date Posted: 12/8/2008 1:49 PM ET
Member Since: 9/14/2007
Posts: 226
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Sending great thoughts your way!!

I'm bringing my girlfriend home for Christmas. I still have yet to tell my Dad. I definitely feel you hehe. We won't be staying at my Dad's, we're staying at my Mom's house, but I still am going to see him a lot. I'm so nervous.

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 5:51 PM ET
Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 7,581
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What about writing them a letter? That way you can get everything out and they can react and then you can discuss?  I say try and be proud of who you are when you talk to them, however you do it.  Otherwise they may think that you're ashamed or embarassed.

It's SO scary and I wish you luck.  I came out to my parents when I was 19 and I still remember how nervous I was.

Date Posted: 12/8/2008 7:45 PM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Cherilyn - I wish you all the best, I know that it's really scary and causes a lot of anxiety when having to tell your parents.  My DP's mom is very accepting and treats me like a daughter in-law.  The rest of her family have been awesome and loving towards me.

My own mother however is a whole other story.  While she hasn't disowned me, but she is still very distant when dealing with my DP. 

Just remember to keep breathing, talk in a calm voice (as much as possible).  One thing that helps me sometimes is to remember that everyone in on their own journey and your parents will be on theirs when you tell them.