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Topic: My DH has Parkenism, Vascular Dementia and Altzhimers

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Subject: My DH has Parkenism, Vascular Dementia and Altzhimers
Date Posted: 7/8/2008 8:25 PM ET
Member Since: 7/6/2008
Posts: 3
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My name is Lois and my DH is 72 and has Parkenism and Dementia. I am new here but the things I have been reading are interesting and I would like to join your group. It seems like most of you have elderly parents you are taking care of. My Mother lived with us for 15 years and just passed away herein May at age 92 of elderly decline. Hospice had been coming the last 6 months and they were a great help. I don't think I could have kept her home without them. She went through most of the phases of elderly decline and if I can help anyone let me know. One of the biggies was keeping her in bed at that point in her decline. I am adjusting from two loved ones to one and it has been like a child leaving the nest because the house feels emptier. He needs assistance dressing, bathing, keeping eyes and ears open. He walks without assistance but very limited because of severe back problems and pain that keeps him severly bent from the waist. My biggest issue now is he wants to be with me 24/7. Doesn't want me going anyplace without him. He thinks I am not coming back. If anyone has suggestions for that issue I would like to hear them. Our daughters will stay with him but that is not an acceptable situation so far. So, when I go shopping or to garage sales he goes along and waits in the car. Thank you for listening. Lois
Date Posted: 7/9/2008 10:42 PM ET
Member Since: 3/10/2008
Posts: 38
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What you might want to do is give your dad something to hang on to when you leave. I did this with someone and it worked. That feeling that you are not going to return is overwholming. (Sorry I can't spell)  By holding onto something of yours, he will know that you will be returning.

You might have done this with your own kids. I know that I have. You can tell him that you have something special you want him to hold until you get back. Reassure him that you will be returning. Give him a key or something that he can hold, tell him to hold it for you and tell him you'll be back to get it. Got to the end of the driveway or out in the yard where he can't see you from a window, wait about 5-10mins and then return. I worked in assisted living and I've had to do that with a couple of the people there and it worked. At least you can go outside for a minute or two and get a little breath!

Talk to you soon!

Carrie :)

Date Posted: 7/9/2008 11:57 PM ET
Member Since: 7/6/2008
Posts: 3
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Thanks Carrie. Correction- he is my husband and not my father and also he is not that far into the dementia at this time. He has a dementia but would not be a canidate for what you suggest, at this time. I took care of my 92 yr. old Mother until she passed away in May 2008 and that would have worked with her. My mother lived with me the past 15 yrs. and the last 2 years she has been in steady decline until her death. I feel like I have been run over by a roller coaster sometime. It is easier now with the one patient. I notice a lot of similarities between my husband and mother regarding their dementia. I appreciate your suggestion and keep me posted on your situation. I just tried to add you to my Buddy List, and don't know if I did it right or not. Talk to you soon Lois
Date Posted: 9/9/2008 11:19 AM ET
Member Since: 1/15/2008
Posts: 1,748
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Bless you Lois. My MIL had alzheimers. My husband had read the book I have listed on coping with Alzheimers and he said it was really good. I think it's listed.. if not I will list it if you are interested in it.

When people who were always so independent end up with major illness they do seem to become unusually dependent. My mother who always had to take care of herself and everyone else from a young age had a massive stroke and since she's become kind of demanding. When I'm out with her she gets mad if I want to go see my friends even though I am there with her spending ALL of my time with her for 3-4 weeks at a time.