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Topic: Have you ever........ not "friended" somebody?

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Subject: Have you ever........ not "friended" somebody?
Date Posted: 6/2/2011 10:31 PM ET
Member Since: 4/28/2009
Posts: 10,061
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Have you ever not accepted a "friend" offer here?  I have several dozen buddies after being a member for 2 years and 1 month, but recently I got a friend request from someone I've never had contact with.  Have not had a PM from her either so don't know what the incentive was to ask me to be her friend.  So it got me wondering if you all have criteria for how you accept friend offers????

Date Posted: 6/2/2011 10:34 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,177
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Yes.  I receive those invitations sometimes.  If I don't recognize the name from swaps or forum discussions, I just let them set awhile.  I check every few weeks, and if I still don't recognize the names I usually decline.  Other members can pm me without 'friending' so I'm a bit leary of why strangers want to become formal 'friends'. 

Date Posted: 6/2/2011 10:53 PM ET
Member Since: 1/22/2011
Posts: 2,413
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You seem like someone who is friendly and informative and good to know. You too, Denise. Or maybe you sent someone a really nice book or were kind to someone without even realizing it and they appreciate you. My friends are on auto and that's fine. I don't know what it means other than I like and want to know people better. Everyone I have as friend means something different to me. People that share book interests would be another reason to ask. Those are my thoughts. I'm sure others have many more.

Date Posted: 6/2/2011 11:05 PM ET
Member Since: 8/16/2007
Posts: 15,220
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I have mine set to autoaccept. I can't think of anything they can do as a Friend that I care about.

Last Edited on: 6/2/11 11:34 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 6/2/2011 11:20 PM ET
Member Since: 12/31/2009
Posts: 3,995
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I used to have to approve buddies, but now have friends on auto-accept. I used to PM the people I didn't recognize. But after getting a bunch of simple explanations like "you gave me a nice book deal a few weeks ago" or "you read the same kinds of books as me and I like checking your shelf" I decided that it wasn't worth the screening process. If someone wants to be my friend, I'm fine with it. There's no harm in it.

Date Posted: 6/2/2011 11:31 PM ET
Member Since: 1/17/2009
Posts: 10,125
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Yup, I accept all requests, too.

I often request to be someone's friend just because I want to remember someone's shelf.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 12:13 AM ET
Member Since: 8/15/2007
Posts: 3,044
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I accept all requests. Easier and a lot of the time it's like others said, they somehow had contact with you or maybe want to remember you for later.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 12:21 AM ET
Member Since: 1/5/2007
Posts: 145
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I send and accept requests.  Usually I pick people who read the same genre of books or we have something else in common.  If I send a friend request it's because I want to see what's on their bookshelf and wishlist.  That's how I get some of my best ideas of what books to read next. 

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 4:09 AM ET
Member Since: 7/19/2008
Posts: 15,485
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I have all my friends tagged as to why. So I will ask folks why they have asked me. (I have both a bunch of children's book contacts and erotica games contacts. Very different groups for any deal offers.) I have had people refuse to friend me because I ask.
Date Posted: 6/3/2011 5:42 AM ET
Member Since: 8/30/2008
Posts: 2,207
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I don't send out friend requests but periodically get them, oddly enough they're usually from members I'm not familiar with from the genre forums I participate in. Either they lurk there or randomly pick people (which doesn't seem to make much sense to me). It doesn't bother me to not reply, if they're looking for friends for BoB or Book Bazaar or Games I'm not into those so friending me won't help.

The only bookshelves I revisit are those of people who have ordered from me before - if they like a particular genre and I'm about to post some I check their wishlist to see if the book is on their list. I do check bookshelves of people I've ordered from in the past if I'm looking for something in particular - but I generally go the FIFO route when requesting books or posting WL books. Yikes, I guess that makes me sound unfriendly. frown But I'm not, honestly. (maybe it comes from too many friend requests at FB from people who basically just do the games there)


Date Posted: 6/3/2011 8:11 AM ET
Member Since: 2/13/2007
Posts: 2,276
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I have turned down friend requests...usually when someone sends me a friend request I will look at their account and if I see they have hundreds of friends, I do not accept their request to be friends. If the books they have listed and are wishing for bear no relationship to the kind of books I enjoy, I do not accept their request. Usually my friends are people that I have swapped with and we have common interests or either one of us want to be able to easily find each other again -- I also tag my friends to remind me how/why we became friends. I am a friendly soul but I like to have an actual connection with people who I am friends with!

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 8:49 AM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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I have it set to autorequest.  I have lots of friends on here and goodreads who have different reading tastes. It helps open you up to new things.  So I dont' really get the not accepting because they have different reading tastes.  By interacting with these people I've discovered authors and genres that I love when I thought I would hate them. 

I really don't get rejecting anyone really, unless it's someone who you know has been mean on the forums or sent you a bad book.  It's just other members trying to be social. They may friend you because their Grandma reads similar books to you and they wnat to remember your shelf.  Or maybe they get books for a nursing home or their kids (adult and young ones). 

It's not like being a "friend" on here gives you WL priority or anything.  They dont' get special access to your count.  Not that you don't control anyway. 

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 9:34 AM ET
Member Since: 4/29/2009
Posts: 7,897
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Who can't use more friends?

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 10:13 AM ET
Member Since: 7/23/2005
Posts: 7,522
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I have no idea who most of my 'friends' are here, LOL.  I figure that we have similar reading habits or that perhaps they like my book shelf or like to look at my WL for book ideas, maybe.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 10:19 AM ET
Member Since: 7/12/2010
Posts: 4,177
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I accept them all the time; and on occassion send out requests if I've had a great trade or discussion with them.


Date Posted: 6/3/2011 12:14 PM ET
Member Since: 4/30/2007
Posts: 2,728
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I don't see any reason not to accept a friend request, even if it's someone I don't know.  I know of at least a couple of people who have friended me because they know that I have a non-smoking household and am sensitive to smells in books and never send out books that smell like anything but a book.  I've had people friend me because they liked the condition of the book I sent them through FIFO, and/or the way I wrapped the book.  I've even had people friend me because they liked something I said in a forum post.  There are any number of reasons someone might submit a friend request, but I doubt many (if any) of them are ill-intended.  There are benefits to being on people's friends list- I will sometimes check the WLs of the people on my friend list when I have a WL book ready to post, and if one of my friends is wishing for it, I might offer it to them first.  At the very least, it doens't hurt to have someone you don't know as a friend.  My friends list is set to auto-accept, so I don't even know when I've been friended by someone new.

All that said, I do kind of miss the old buddy system, where we could keep lists of "buddies" that did not have to go through a request and accept system.  I did have a small list of "bad" traders that I kept there with a tag to remind me not to trade with those people again.  Also, now that you have to be "accepted", people probably think twice about adding people to their friends lists because they don't want to have to explain why they might want to friend someone.

Sianeka - ,
Date Posted: 6/3/2011 12:22 PM ET
Member Since: 2/8/2007
Posts: 6,630
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I auto-accept friends, because I often will request to become someone's friend who doesn't know me, because I like their bookshelf, or I really like and/or agree with something they've posted in the Forums or even because I like their icon or nickname! LOL  Sometimes, I will send off a message after I send the Friends request explaining who I am and why the request, but just as often, I don't. 

So, because I have been known to ask to be Friends with someone I don't know, I accept requests from those I don't know. As Whitney said, Who can't use more friends?   !!!!!!  *big smile*

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 1:04 PM ET
Member Since: 1/30/2010
Posts: 8,471
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I started off asking strangers I'd never had contact with why they were requesting to be friends with me (in a much nicer and less blunt way), but most of the time they wanted to revisit my bookshelf.  I still like to see who's friending me, so I don't have auto accept on, but I accept everyone.  Now Facebook is another story.  So many people there just want to see how many friends they can collect.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 1:55 PM ET
Member Since: 12/28/2006
Posts: 14,177
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Well pooh, I've been outed for my OCD need to 'manage' my lists lol!  The Cutie has been known to tease regarding my lists blush

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 2:03 PM ET
Member Since: 8/3/2009
Posts: 562
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I think the only 'friends' I have are people who I've done Virtual Box swaps with - what does being someone's friend get you? I'm astonishingly ignorant of some of the functions of this site; I find it hard to use.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 2:36 PM ET
Member Since: 10/22/2009
Posts: 1,452
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I have my friends set to auto-request as well.  Like Mary, I can't think of any reason not to be someone's "PBS Friend" unless they've been mean on the forums or something like that. 

Feel free to add me as a friend--the more friends the merrier!

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 3:44 PM ET
Member Since: 1/22/2011
Posts: 2,413
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Mike has a brother in Sacramento. He gets back to NY every couple of years !


Last Edited on: 6/3/11 4:22 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 6/3/2011 4:09 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2007
Posts: 11,671
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I put it on autorequest and never even look at my friends list.  I don't have any idea who's on there and I'm sure I don't know some of them.

Just not important enough to bother myself with.  If you want to be my friend, fine.  If not, fine.  Makes no difference.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 4:14 PM ET
Member Since: 10/13/2007
Posts: 36,445
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Yes, if I am not friends with someone on the forums or if I have not sent/recieved books from them. I do not add them as a friend.  I did once and only ever got "added more XXX to  my shelf, deal going on" type PMs. Just found it more annoying then helpful coz they had all these books I wanted and no credits..LOL I did not unfriend them, but they did leave PBS for health reasons.

Date Posted: 6/3/2011 11:10 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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I rarely look at my friends list as well.  I just never need to and I couldn't tell you who half of them are either.  Doesn't affect my usage of PBS in anyway.