T.E. W. (terez93) reviewed Grace Will Lead Us Home: The Charleston Church Massacre and the Hard, Inspiring Journey to Forgiveness on + 273 more book reviews
An acquaintance recommended this book to me, as it's not the type I would typically read, but I'm very glad that I did. I have even requested a few which are similar, as I'm now very curious whether people's experiences in dealing with an event of this type are universal, as I fear that they are.
In all honesty, the discussion with the acquaintance was centered on what happens in the aftermath of an event like this: by aftermath, I mean what happens to survivors and a particular community at large after the sensationalist news crews have packed up and left, and the opportunistic politico talking heads have skipped town and moved on to their next photo opportunity. As is very quickly manifest with the case in Charleston, the immediate circus that results from such a public tragedy is the tip of the iceberg-the trauma goes on long after the event, sometimes in surprising ways that we would all benefit from knowing about.
Overall, the book was a very good balance of elements: it did describe the horror of the event, which took the lives of nine innocent people, the oldest an 87-year-old great-grandmother, but didn't dwell on or sensationalize it, which was refreshing. It then, in capable narrative format, recounted the very public, very complex array of factors which resulted, and the struggles of the survivors to come to grips with what occurred, and how to move forward for the remainder of their lives without their friends and loved ones.
What's unusual about this event is that no survivors were physically wounded; tragically, the killer slaughtered almost everyone inside, leaving none alive but two women and a child, who were physically uninjured. Psychologically, however, they incurred wounds which will never fully heal, making the need for social support all the more critical. As the book reveals, these "invisible" injuries are often completely unacknowledged, or, if they are somewhat accepted, they are largely discounted. One particular strength of the book was the way in which it highlighted the very personal struggles of some of the people involved, and, unfortunately, how difficult things became for them because of a lack of support from those involved.
It also, unfortunately, highlights the worst of humanity, persons (although I use the term loosely) who capitalize on the grief, trauma and shock of others for their own benefit and self-aggrandizement, including for financial profit. NOTHING surprises me, but the fact that, for example, someone at the church went through hundreds of letters and packages, mail intended for and ADDRESSED TO the victims' families, to take checks out of the envelopes before passing on cards and well-wishes, sickens me to my core.
What's even worse is that it was apparently perpetrated by church leaders themselves, including by one who had been involved in some shady dealings with church funds previously. This same leader fired one of the women involved, and then barred two of the survivors and even more family members from entering the church without an "appointment." Indecency knows no bounds.
An aspect that is rarely discussed, but which likewise disheartened me, was the interpersonal conflict between family members that arose as a result, which, perhaps given the circumstances, is not all that surprising, but it's an area that's almost never (and in this case, perhaps rightly so) discussed in the media. In this case, sisters could not even agree on the design of a headstone for their mother's grave, and so different groups of family members had different grave markers erected on the same plot, situated such that they appeared to be turning their backs on one another. In another case, family members bickered and argued among themselves over the deceased's personal property and how to divide it. It's not surprising that during the worst times of people's lives, the cracks in the seams of relationships are burst open and existing strained relations surpass the breaking point.
The value of this book is to make the public aware, in a very respectful, almost reverent and never judgmental manner, of the complexity of a tragic event that becomes national news, and that the healing process is indeed a process, albeit a difficult one, made so much more so when it's lived in the public eye. Killers take so much more than the lives of their victims: this book highlights both the immense suffering, but also the inspiring resilience of the survivors.
It also chronicles in detail what their most immediate needs are, from financial assistance (often the income-generator is the one killed, leaving partners and children who struggle to pay bills, including thousands of dollars in funeral costs), social support from religious figures, and especially communication and interaction with public officials, including law enforcement, prosecutors and policymakers.
Perhaps that's its greatest contribution: if ever someone you know is dealing with a difficult event, a life-threatening illness, or worse, a death or tragedy in the family, reading about the complex array of lived experiences of survivors really allows one to help in ways they may not have thought about previously. It's often so difficult for people going through tough times to articulate their needs, so living vicariously through others (in this case, that's not a bad thing) in the words of those who have experienced unspeakable tragedy can bring us all closer, and that's the ultimate goal of this exceptional book.
In all honesty, the discussion with the acquaintance was centered on what happens in the aftermath of an event like this: by aftermath, I mean what happens to survivors and a particular community at large after the sensationalist news crews have packed up and left, and the opportunistic politico talking heads have skipped town and moved on to their next photo opportunity. As is very quickly manifest with the case in Charleston, the immediate circus that results from such a public tragedy is the tip of the iceberg-the trauma goes on long after the event, sometimes in surprising ways that we would all benefit from knowing about.
Overall, the book was a very good balance of elements: it did describe the horror of the event, which took the lives of nine innocent people, the oldest an 87-year-old great-grandmother, but didn't dwell on or sensationalize it, which was refreshing. It then, in capable narrative format, recounted the very public, very complex array of factors which resulted, and the struggles of the survivors to come to grips with what occurred, and how to move forward for the remainder of their lives without their friends and loved ones.
What's unusual about this event is that no survivors were physically wounded; tragically, the killer slaughtered almost everyone inside, leaving none alive but two women and a child, who were physically uninjured. Psychologically, however, they incurred wounds which will never fully heal, making the need for social support all the more critical. As the book reveals, these "invisible" injuries are often completely unacknowledged, or, if they are somewhat accepted, they are largely discounted. One particular strength of the book was the way in which it highlighted the very personal struggles of some of the people involved, and, unfortunately, how difficult things became for them because of a lack of support from those involved.
It also, unfortunately, highlights the worst of humanity, persons (although I use the term loosely) who capitalize on the grief, trauma and shock of others for their own benefit and self-aggrandizement, including for financial profit. NOTHING surprises me, but the fact that, for example, someone at the church went through hundreds of letters and packages, mail intended for and ADDRESSED TO the victims' families, to take checks out of the envelopes before passing on cards and well-wishes, sickens me to my core.
What's even worse is that it was apparently perpetrated by church leaders themselves, including by one who had been involved in some shady dealings with church funds previously. This same leader fired one of the women involved, and then barred two of the survivors and even more family members from entering the church without an "appointment." Indecency knows no bounds.
An aspect that is rarely discussed, but which likewise disheartened me, was the interpersonal conflict between family members that arose as a result, which, perhaps given the circumstances, is not all that surprising, but it's an area that's almost never (and in this case, perhaps rightly so) discussed in the media. In this case, sisters could not even agree on the design of a headstone for their mother's grave, and so different groups of family members had different grave markers erected on the same plot, situated such that they appeared to be turning their backs on one another. In another case, family members bickered and argued among themselves over the deceased's personal property and how to divide it. It's not surprising that during the worst times of people's lives, the cracks in the seams of relationships are burst open and existing strained relations surpass the breaking point.
The value of this book is to make the public aware, in a very respectful, almost reverent and never judgmental manner, of the complexity of a tragic event that becomes national news, and that the healing process is indeed a process, albeit a difficult one, made so much more so when it's lived in the public eye. Killers take so much more than the lives of their victims: this book highlights both the immense suffering, but also the inspiring resilience of the survivors.
It also chronicles in detail what their most immediate needs are, from financial assistance (often the income-generator is the one killed, leaving partners and children who struggle to pay bills, including thousands of dollars in funeral costs), social support from religious figures, and especially communication and interaction with public officials, including law enforcement, prosecutors and policymakers.
Perhaps that's its greatest contribution: if ever someone you know is dealing with a difficult event, a life-threatening illness, or worse, a death or tragedy in the family, reading about the complex array of lived experiences of survivors really allows one to help in ways they may not have thought about previously. It's often so difficult for people going through tough times to articulate their needs, so living vicariously through others (in this case, that's not a bad thing) in the words of those who have experienced unspeakable tragedy can bring us all closer, and that's the ultimate goal of this exceptional book.
