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Topic: Need some help dealing with another member

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Subject: Need some help dealing with another member
Date Posted: 8/9/2008 3:40 PM ET
Member Since: 6/23/2007
Posts: 111
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I have not run across this situation before, but I'm not sure where to go with this problem.

Here's a quick scenario:

1) Member requests book from me and has conditions (looking for 'nearly new' book to complete collection) - Meanwhile requestor sends me a PM saying that he's willing to take a book that doesn't meet his conditions but I need to PM and describe the book and says 'do NOT cancel this request' before Pm'ing him.

2) I cancel request stating 'does not meet requestors conditions' and send a PM stating that my book doesn't meet his conditions.

3) He requests the book a second time after a few days and sends the same message out.

4)  I repeat step 2

5) He requests the book a third time after another week or so and sends me another PM insisting that I inform him of the condition 'BEFORE you just cancel the request' as he 'REALLY needs to complete his collection.

6) I repeat step 2 except this time I include the following PM, keep in mind that this is the third time he has requested this book from my shelf:  I have repeatedly told you that this book does NOT meet your conditions and yet you continue to 'tie up' this book again and again by re-requesting it. I REFUSE to send a book that does NOT meet your conditions - PBS is very clear that if the book does not meet conditions do not send or I could lose my book credit and my book! If you do not actually care about your conditions then I highly suggest that you REMOVE them. Now, please DO NOT request this book from my shelf again - be patient another book that does meet your conditions will come along. 

7) He responds with a completely inappropriate pm using profanity (go f**k yourself) and told me that I need to be more civil and polite.

I guess #8 would be this - now what?  I haven't responded yet as I don't feel that his PM dignified a response from me. That said, it doesn't seem appropriate that this member should be able to continue to repeatedly 'tie up' my book so another member can't select it, nor does it seem appropriate for said member to swear at me or demand that I send a book that doesn't meet his own conditions.  Why is re-requesting a book that doesn't meet conditions allowed?? When I've repeatedly said that it doesn't not meet his conditions - why is he allowed to continue to request the same book off my shelf?  My book is not 'nearly new' in my opinion - so why would I send it?  If he decided after he received that it didn't meet his conditions (even after pm'ing that it was ok) I could certainly lose my credit right? 

I guess I'm just frustrated by the situation, sorry to be so lengthy here!

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 3:48 PM ET
Member Since: 1/14/2008
Posts: 346
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Well, this isn't helpful, but I would have described the condition back when it was first requested.

How about replying and telling him that there is no need to swear and that it is turning into harrassment and that you will report him the next time he contacts you?

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 3:59 PM ET
Member Since: 1/26/2006
Posts: 318
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Ditto what Amy said.  Maybe if you had given him a description of the book he would have been happy to have you cancel and he would just move on.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 4:21 PM ET
Member Since: 6/4/2007
Posts: 2,941
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Copy and paste the entire PM from first message to last into a message to PBS by way of the Contact Us link at the bottom of the screen.  Swearing at you crosses the line, going far past rudeness.  He is also harassing you to an extent.  None of this is acceptable behavior and needs to be reported.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 4:31 PM ET
Member Since: 12/23/2005
Posts: 1,159
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I didn't think you could request the same book after it was cancelled?

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 4:38 PM ET
Member Since: 1/8/2007
Posts: 8,139
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You have the right to decline for any reason you like. It's time this member was reported to PBS. You are NOT under ANY REASON obligated to play the you-must-PM-me-so-I-can-decide game with this member. And telling you to f* yourself should be reported to PBS. There's no excuse for that.

Use the "Contact Us" and report the entire incident, including all the PM's and a detail that your book was offered to this member several times, even though you declined due to conditions. TPTB will take care of it.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 4:47 PM ET
Member Since: 10/23/2005
Posts: 7,719
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I agree with James and Jane. Send in feedback, including all the PMs. This needs to be reported to The PBS Team. You should not have been subjected to this rigamarole more than once and the profanity is way beyond acceptable. If he needs the book that badly, he should go purchase it.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 4:48 PM ET
Member Since: 4/22/2007
Posts: 2,461
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Ditto what Amy said.  Maybe if you had given him a description of the book he would have been happy to have you cancel and he would just move on.


Kind of "blame the victim"  a little bit don't you think?  She read his requester conditions and followed his directions.  It wasn't her fault he was giving TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS on what to do.  She chose one direction and went with it.  I say she did the correc thing each and every time.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 4:57 PM ET
Member Since: 6/23/2007
Posts: 111
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His conditions were 'nearly new condition' and I said something to the effect of 'this book is not in nearly new condition' when I used the Does Not Meet Conditions button the first and second times and said something more general like 'does not meet your conditions' the third time I canceled it - what more should I have said? 

I should maybe add that this is a children's book printed in 1997...  'Nearly new' is a pretty big order for an 11 year-old children's book

Thank you for telling me how I could get in contact with the PBS team.. I didn't even realize that button was there. 


Date Posted: 8/9/2008 5:07 PM ET
Member Since: 1/13/2005
Posts: 2,317
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I would have been hesitant to describe the book because those descriptions can be so subjective.  Even when you're not using generic words like "somewhat worn", saying the book has rounded corners or bumped edges or some spine creasing, etc still leaves a lot open to interpretation.  How rounded, how bumped, how creased .... .   I have no problem with folks who have conditions, but I also have no problem with folks who don't feel like playing the "PM-me-first" game, as Jane said.

What I really don't understand tho, is how the person with conditions could request the same book from the same person more than once.  I understood that the system was set up to prevent this.  System glitch, perhaps?  OP, did you remove the book from the system and re-post somehow?  Would that allow the same requester to get another shot at the book?


Date Posted: 8/9/2008 5:18 PM ET
Member Since: 3/25/2008
Posts: 2,530
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I wonder how he keeps requesting it from you??? I thought after you declined the 1st request he couldn't request this book from you again and had no choice but to wait for another copy to become available or wait until your copy was gone and order from the next in line. Weird!

I would just do as most others said and contact PBS about it.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 5:27 PM ET
Member Since: 8/12/2005
Posts: 401
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I agree with how you handled it...you are SO right..he could have EASILY said please send it even tho it doesn't meet my SC and then in turn used his SC to his advantage (read: credit refund and "free" book ).

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 5:28 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Another case of someone wanting to have their cake and eat it too.  Either have RC's or don't, but you (general) can't use this system to your constant advantage.  It's not your fault this person doesn't want to play nicely in the sandbox.  Report him right away and do not respond to him again. 

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 5:46 PM ET
Member Since: 3/8/2007
Posts: 2,550
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What a jerk.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 9:22 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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Definately report him.  He shouldn't even be able to request the book from you anymore because you declined because of conditons.  It's supposed to block him from ordering that ISBN from someone who's already rejected his RCS even if he turns them off.

I wouldn't have accepted it either even if he turned off his RCS.  I usually decline any request that comes with a "nearly new" or "like new" condition even if I believe the book meets that.  It's just too subjective and I don't want a ding on my account because of some minor, yet postable flaw. 

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 10:22 PM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2005
Posts: 5,091
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Like others, I'm puzzled by how he can keep requesting the book?  I thought that once you declined as "Does not meet requester's conditions" they couldn't request it from you again?  Does anyone have an explanation for how this happened?

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 10:40 PM ET
Member Since: 8/1/2007
Posts: 5,034
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What an awful situation.   I think it merits being reported.  There is no justification for foul language.

In the meantime, just keep choosing "Does not meet conditions" and you could always put "This book is not nearly-new by standards and does not meet requestor conditions of nearly new."

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 11:07 PM ET
Member Since: 5/3/2006
Posts: 6,436
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When you say you canceled the request several times, what do you mean? Because normally, just hitting the "does not meet conditions" button should cancel it. Are you doing anything more, because if so, maybe that's how he keeps requesting it.

I don't see why you should have have had to do anything more than you did. Definitely report the jerk.

Date Posted: 8/9/2008 11:20 PM ET
Member Since: 8/26/2006
Posts: 9,357
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If you hit the button "does not meet conditions" the system shouldn't allow him to request the same book from you.  If you click "cancel," then the only option he has is to go through you, assuming your book is the only one in the system--?  But had you cancelled, the book would have been removed from your bookshelf, and you would have had to repost it.  I'm thinking that, aside from the profanity, there's some kind of glitch here.  My advice is to go down to the blue "contact us" button on the bottom of the page and let the Admin Team know that you are getting a repeated request for a book you have refused due to conditions.  (If that is indeed what has been happening.)  You are welcome to mention the profanity, as well.  They'll figure out what is going on.

Date Posted: 8/10/2008 1:58 AM ET
Member Since: 9/13/2007
Posts: 2,520
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I would have turned him down as well. Sending a PM basically asking you to agree to his RC even though your book doesn't meet it? Smells like a scam.

Don't dignify such behaviour with a response, just forward that rude PM to the site owners.

Last Edited on: 8/10/08 1:58 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 8/10/2008 6:05 AM ET
Member Since: 7/1/2008
Posts: 2,835
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I agree with the rest. Sorry you had this bad experience.

Date Posted: 8/10/2008 9:09 AM ET
Member Since: 6/21/2007
Posts: 2,015
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Last Edited on: 2/2/15 7:01 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 8/10/2008 3:15 PM ET
Member Since: 5/5/2007
Posts: 563
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If it had been my transaction, this is why I would have declined the request:

"Member requests book from me and has conditions (looking for 'nearly new' book to complete collection) - Meanwhile requestor sends me a PM saying that he's willing to take a book that doesn't meet his conditions but I need to PM and describe the book and says 'do NOT cancel this request' before Pm'ing him."


You are allowed to have RC's for a reason, if you are going to play with them based on individual titles, then turn the RC's off and on, per each title.

I have RC's, but if I come across a book that I am willing to be more flexible on, I turn my conditions off.

There is no call for his obscene language to you, and it should not be tolerated.

Report him... if TPTB read the emails, hopefully he will be be gone.  His actions were completely uncalled for.

Date Posted: 8/10/2008 9:51 PM ET
Member Since: 6/23/2007
Posts: 111
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Just a quick update - I reported the problem using the Contact Us button yesterday and today I had an email from PBS saying that members should not be rude to other members under any circumstances and that they would contact the individual to discuss it with him.  I hope he/she takes his advice and doesn't repeat his behavior with other members.

They did not address why he was able to re-request the book multiple times from my shelf, even though I had used the 'Does Not Meet Requestors Conditions' button to decline (meaning I never took the book off my shelf).

Date Posted: 8/10/2008 11:08 PM ET
Member Since: 8/16/2007
Posts: 15,226
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why he was able to re-request the book multiple times from my shelf - I think that the blocking doesn't work right when there are only a couple people wishing for a book, or if one book is in the system and the person gets it put on their reminder list. They can then request the book and the order will go back to the book that doesn't meet their RCs.

I agree you did not have to go above and beyond like this person insisted (he could have easily removed his RC after you declined and started a dialog without the RC in place). Glad you reported him, we don't need members who think they can throw a swearing fit at someone when they don't get their way.