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Topic: How do I decline a request politely?

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Subject: How do I decline a request politely?
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 12:49 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 10,280
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Recently, I declined a request because the tone of a RC in addition to requests written in a member's bio made me uncomfortable with sending any book to a particular person out of fear they wouldn't be satisfied.  We ended up having a reasonably polite discourse, but I'd really like to be able to decline a request without having to engage in a discussion over it. 

How much am I required to say in my declining?  How to do this politely?

~ Becki B.  (fairly new member)

 



Last Edited on: 9/16/08 1:00 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 1:02 AM ET
Member Since: 8/26/2006
Posts: 9,333
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There's nothing wrong with saying simply "Doesn't meet requestor conditions" if that's the case.  It's fine to keep it really short and simple :-)



Last Edited on: 9/16/08 1:02 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 1:22 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 10,280
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I thought I did that, but if I remember correctly another window opened up that asked me to specify WHY my book didn't meet the requestor's conditions.  I explained pretty much what I did above only to find out the requestor never saw that message (evidently).  She pm'd me asking me why I rejected her request and a discussion ensued.   

Here's the deal, it wasn't exactly that my book didn't meet the RC's....it was that I was uncomfortable with the wording of her RC and other "conditions" she wrote in her bio that made me not even want to risk sending a book to this person (only to risk having her dissatisfied with my book).  I rejected a request based on a comfort level I had with what she had written -- not based on any specific RC.   

Again, our discussion back and forth was polite enough, but it was bothersome and if I'm uncomfortable sending a book to someone based on how  they wrote their RC's and bio, I sure don't want to spend time discussing it with them - beyond a simple and polite no thank you. 

Maybe I did something wrong when I rejected the request.  Or maybe this requestor just couldn't take no for an answer?  At least not easily.  And if that's the case am I obligated to offer further explanation?  I felt put on the spot and felt as if I did need to explain, but now I guess I don't know.   <shrug>

Can't say I want to do that again, but maybe that's what it's going to take for me to understand why it wasn't as simple as you suggest (or to see if I made a mistake when I first rejected the request.

Thank you, though.

~ Becki B.



Last Edited on: 9/16/08 1:25 AM ET - Total times edited: 3
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 1:35 AM ET
Member Since: 1/10/2008
Posts: 345
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"May not meet requestor conditions."

 

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 1:45 AM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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You don't owe anyone an exlanation and you don't have to engage a PM.  Simply say "Not comfortable meeting conditions" and leave it at that.  You can ignore the PMs.

 

Date Posted: 9/16/2008 1:54 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 10,280
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I like this.  I can write that with all honesty and it is succinct.

 

 



Last Edited on: 9/17/08 11:45 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 8:57 AM ET
Member Since: 8/10/2005
Posts: 4,599
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In addition, I'm wondering why that person had additional requestor condition info in her bio?? When I order a book, (or get a request) I almost never look at the person's profile, so if people are putting conditions there and expecting people to read it and follow them, that's not right! Exactly what it is they want should be outlined totally in the requestor conditions popup.

Cheryl

 

Date Posted: 9/16/2008 3:54 PM ET
Member Since: 2/20/2008
Posts: 1,658
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I don't think people really expect a lengthy explanation, pretty much a yes or no.  I used to go into detail, but I got tired of doing that and quit.  Nobody has said anything about my responses.  Very short and to the point, like "I smoke" or "I don't have the DJ".  In your case I would just say "My book does not meet your conditions", if I got a PM asking me why, I would just say it again " I do not feel that my book meets your RC".  As far as I'm concerned that should be the end of it.

Date Posted: 9/16/2008 5:21 PM ET
Member Since: 7/7/2007
Posts: 4,815
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Becki--

Unless you accepted the request and then cancelled, you shouldn't have been able to see who was requesting (unless they put their name in their RCs) and they shouldn't have been able to see who they ordered from once the order was cancelled (unless they wrote it down).  That's why rejecting at the RC stage is nice -- you can make anonymous, constructive commentary on why you're declining, or you can just say, as others have recommended, "does not meet conditions".

You can decline any transaction you are uncomfortable with, and aren't obligated to explain yourself.  It sounds like you've been polite, said "thanks but no thanks" and can stop replying to PMs. 

Cheers,

Catt

Date Posted: 9/16/2008 5:51 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Last Edited on: 11/11/08 8:59 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 9/16/2008 6:53 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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I had that window pop up once and I just put in it that it didn't meet conditions...it's only softwear not a person so it only knows if you've answered the window.  No need to go any further.  I wouldn't get into any discussions with the requester.  Makes me think that they are arguing with me that I should send them my book and make it meet their conditions.  It's MY book!  ;D

Ruth

L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 9/17/2008 4:35 AM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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Ruth, ITA!!

I have found that the people who send a PM after you decline tend to be pretty much as waste of time - they want to know 100 details about the book and why it didn't meet their conditions.  How many times and ways do I need to say "no"?  I just answer once and forget about it after that.

Date Posted: 9/18/2008 12:00 AM ET
Member Since: 10/2/2007
Posts: 10,280
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Thanks everyone. 

Clearly, there are some things I'm still needing to learn about PBS.  I do know this person PM'd me asking me if I'd consider tossing in another book I had listed for a "needy kid".  

And now I know from experience.....the way you can access a member's list of books (and PM them) is from the page where you're confirming a request for a book you are encouraged to check out their bookshelf to see if you want to order add'l books.  I'm sure this is what she did and rather than order another book, she PM'd me with that additional request.  When my rejection of her original request reached her she had already PM'd me and had my contact information.  And from there our discussion ensued.

Well, at least figuring that much out makes me feel a little better.  The longer we chatted back and forth the more relieved I was that I had just rejected her request.  Living and learning.

~ Becki B.