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Topic: Linda & Kelly - Sad & Heartsick, But Still Here

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Subject: Linda & Kelly - Sad & Heartsick, But Still Here
Date Posted: 11/4/2009 5:48 PM ET
Member Since: 5/27/2005
Posts: 2,429
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Shelley & the rest of the Gang ...

Mom (Linda) has been keeping me posted on most of the goings on throughout this forum and we have both continued to read; although our reading hobby has been curtailed of late, moreso for me than for Linda.

My husband, partner, confidante and best friend was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer (non small cell, adenocarcinoma) in mid-June and that turned our world upside down and inside out. This kind of "kick in the gut" news has a way of consuming your life - and it did mine. So, despite all our other plans, treating cancer & treating the side effects of the treatments consumed our summer.

His cancer was very aggressive, the chemotherapy was a complete failure (the primary tumor took a nice long drink, said "thank you very much" and doubled in size), radiation could not keep up with the growing number & severity of the bone tumor metastases and we were falling down the proverbial Rabbit Hole. The levels of pain meds necessary to try to keep Bil comfortable depressed his respiratory system to the point that he developed pneumonia and ended up on a respirator.

After 72 hours of soul searching, gut wrenching thought and prayer and in consultation with our children, my family, our friends and Bil's doctors, we took him off the respirator on Friday afternoon, October 2nd and he slipped away from us at 2:35 am on October 3rd. And I miss him.

I know and take comfort from the fact that there was nothing more we could do. We were not going to win this fight. But I also know that I wasn't ready to write this chapter of my life yet; I liked my old chapter just fine.

Nonetheless, as Bil's pulmonologist told me, "We may be in charge of a lot of things, we are in control of none."

With lots of help, love & support from family & friends, I am going to be fine, and so are our children. Under the heading of 'misery loves company,' in some perverse way, it helps knowing that there are a lot of people who share in my grief - Bil was just that kind of man. I had the pleasure of being his wife, but I'm sure not alone in missing him.

I'm looking forward to developing a new normal and getting into a new routine that allows lots of time for reading and visiting with the wonderful people on this forum.


Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:02 PM ET
Member Since: 6/1/2007
Posts: 1,897
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Kelly I am so sorry.  I lost my mom to lung cancer in 2005 and then my dad this month to COPD and complications from pneumonia.  I totally understand how you feel.  The ladies here have been a wonderful support system for me as I am sure they will be for you too.  My prayers are with you and your kids.


Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:08 PM ET
Member Since: 3/6/2006
Posts: 3,070
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Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear this.  Will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:10 PM ET
Member Since: 3/14/2009
Posts: 9,175
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I can not express how sorry I am for you loss.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:17 PM ET
Member Since: 8/20/2006
Posts: 1,930
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My condolences Kelly. Sending positive thoughts, good vibes, and prayers your way.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:36 PM ET
Member Since: 12/10/2005
Posts: 2,851
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I'm sorry for your loss, Kelly. Bil sounds like a wonderful man. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and yours.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:40 PM ET
Member Since: 6/5/2007
Posts: 2,508
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Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear of Bil's passing. May his Memory be Eternal and my prayers for comfort and peace to you and your family. Know we are thinking of you.

Last Edited on: 11/4/09 6:40 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:48 PM ET
Member Since: 5/27/2005
Posts: 2,429
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If there were a son-in-law's Hall of Fame, certainly Bil would be listed.  He was a reader himself, 'tho not as much of a HF fan as Kelly or I.  But he supported our habit/obsession, willingly listened to our long discussions, frequently amused by our ramblings.  When Kelly and I started talking about a trip to England and Wales, he said, "Count me out, but go with my blessing."  And began surfing the internet to find the best tours, etc.  That's still on our agenda for sometime in the future.  Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts for Kelly and her beautiful children.


Date Posted: 11/4/2009 6:59 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2007
Posts: 849
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I am so sorry - your beautifully written expression of your love and loss brought tears to my eyes.  I hope you and your children are able to find peace and comfort  in each other.  Take care of yourself.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 8:02 PM ET
Member Since: 5/18/2009
Posts: 388
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I'm so sorry. Please know that you and your children will be in my thoughts. I hope your memories of Bil bring you much comfort in the years to come.



It sounds like Bil was a wonderful son-in-law as well as husband. I'm glad  you and Kelly have each other to lean on during this difficult time.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 8:33 PM ET
Member Since: 1/9/2006
Posts: 760
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I have only recently started reading and posting in this forum, but I am so very sorry for you loss.

Debbie - ,
Date Posted: 11/4/2009 8:45 PM ET
Member Since: 10/7/2007
Posts: 731
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I am so sorry for your loss.  I hung around in the HF forum until I found out my mother had lung cancer, COPD and emphysema and she passed away August 24th of this year.  I am slowly getting back and saw your post and have to pass on my condolences and prayers.  Bil sounded like a wonderful person.  I miss my mom and think about her daily but I know she is in a better place.

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 9:18 PM ET
Member Since: 4/23/2008
Posts: 1,757
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Oh, dear Kelly and Linda!  My heart just broke reading your sad yet moving and beautiful post, Kelly.  My thoughts, hugs, prayers and deepest condolences go out to both you ladies and your entire family.  Thank you for letting us know what has been going on with you guys. I've noticed your absence several times.  I hope you get some comfort here at PBS and from your friends here, and that your love of reading can help you transition into your life without your beloved Bil.  Peace to all of you!

Debbie - Hugs, prayers and peace to you as well on the loss of your mother.  I hope to see more of you aruond here too!

Date Posted: 11/4/2009 10:20 PM ET
Member Since: 7/22/2009
Posts: 2,617
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I'm relatively new here as well -- but just want to add my sincere sympathy for your loss.  How very, very sad!  I hope that time combined with good memories and the love and support of family and friends will bring you comfort.


Date Posted: 11/4/2009 10:39 PM ET
Member Since: 5/27/2005
Posts: 2,429
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I want to thank each of you for your sincere expressions of sympathy. The love and support of others helps more than I ever fully understood or appreciated until I was on the receiving end. So, thank you, Ladies. I truly believe this HF community to be one of top-notch, quality people who are thinkers with real depth and understanding. Otherwise, you wouldn't be reading historical fiction, yes?!?

Holly & Debbie, let me offer my condolences to each of you for your recent losses. Holly, you lost your Dad this month? As in November? Your grief is certainly new and raw and my heart hurts for you. Although I still cry several times each day and miss Bil desperately, I can give testimony that time, indeed, does help. I hope your Dad didn't suffer greatly and that you have friends and family to prop you up. I know your wonderful baby helps fill the void of loneliness; hang on to the beauty and hope of the young life you have created.

And Debbie, I am so sorry for your loss. There is a special bond between Mothers & Daughters & I know you are probably still coming to grips with the painful realization that she is not just a phone call away anymore. Also, so glad to have you on the forum with us ... one thing about us, we'll be good for a distraction when you need one. :-)

You all are the best!


Date Posted: 11/5/2009 12:01 AM ET
Member Since: 8/31/2007
Posts: 482
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Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  My heartfelt condolences.

Date Posted: 11/5/2009 1:01 AM ET
Member Since: 3/11/2008
Posts: 924
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Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Date Posted: 11/5/2009 9:24 AM ET
Member Since: 5/3/2008
Posts: 10,583
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Dear, dear, Kelly. I can do nothing more than echo the comments made by all of the above members, especially Shelley's. A relative of mine has a wonderful saying that I just love and it helped me through the loss of my parents: A light may have gone out here on earth, but the heavens now are brighter. Bil will still be with you and still be amused by your discussions, as I'm sure you well know. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family!

Date Posted: 11/5/2009 12:08 PM ET
Member Since: 10/29/2005
Posts: 3,823
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Oh, Kelly, I am so sorry to hear of your loss!  Please know we would all be giving you a huge group hug if we were there with you. We're right there in spirit though!

Please, let us know if we can do anything at all for you...even if it's just sending a book that might make you feel better for the moment.

You, Linda, and your entire family will stay in my thoughts.

Date Posted: 11/5/2009 3:28 PM ET
Member Since: 6/19/2008
Posts: 1,976
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I am so sorry for your loss.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

Date Posted: 11/5/2009 3:52 PM ET
Member Since: 1/12/2008
Posts: 1,356
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Hugs hugs hugs. It is never easy. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer, another awful internal cancer killer, 10 years ago and I still feel her with me every day....

Date Posted: 11/5/2009 8:11 PM ET
Member Since: 3/23/2008
Posts: 2,544
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My deepest sympathy to both of you and your entire families.

Date Posted: 11/6/2009 1:02 PM ET
Member Since: 12/22/2008
Posts: 533
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This is so sad.  Kelly and Debbie, my sincere condolences to both.

Date Posted: 11/6/2009 7:46 PM ET
Member Since: 12/26/2008
Posts: 1,958
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My deepest condolences to everyone on this thread who has lost family members.

Kat (polbio) -
Date Posted: 11/6/2009 9:00 PM ET
Member Since: 10/10/2008
Posts: 3,067
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Oh Kelly, I had no idea. I am soooo sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.