The Eclectic Pen - Neptune's Rainbow (A Sestina)


By: Laron C. (icepigs)   + 5 more  
Date Submitted: 12/28/2006
Last Updated: 12/28/2006
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Poetry
Words: 250
Rating:


  I looked in the frosty night for the Rainbow
And my feet shifted against the street’s tile
The shooting star flashed so flamboyant
Causing the lone dog to bark.
The air was cold and sweet as sugar
And I prayed to the god Neptune

”Oh, Please,” I begged of Neptune
“Guide my love home with your rainbow
For her lips to me taste like sugar”
Then I tripped o’er a crack in the street’s tile
My palms tore against the tree’s rough bark
The bright red blood looked flamboyant

Blood oozed and dripped so flamboyant
Down three fingers like the trident of Neptune
“My sacrifice to you, Sea God!” I said with a bark
I grew weak and my eyes saw a rainbow
In my blood splashing on the tile
My thoughts on the lips of my sugar.

How I wished to kiss those lips of sugar
Lips painted with colors flamboyant
Layered lipstick like a mason lays tile
Shades as deep as the seas of Neptune
Encompassing the colors of the rainbow
Red as the blood caused by the bark

Wait! Do my eyes see a three-masted bark?
Through the snow as fine as sugar
I lost the vision of the rainbow
In pure white nothing is flamboyant
Freezing the home of Neptune
Encasing the sea in icy tile

The ice cracked like the crack in the tile
And in the harbor was the three-masted bark
All praise be unto mighty Neptune!
He has returned to me my sugar
My happiness made my smile flamboyant
Tied to port was the ship called “Rainbow”

To the tile her feet left the Rainbow
The departing crew barked their praises to Neptune
Her kiss tasted of sugar, my heart flamboyant


The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by Laron C. (icepigs)

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Comments 1 to 5 of 5
Lindsay M. (theresacowinmypants) - 4/7/2007 7:39 PM ET
Trippy. I didn't really understant the sequence of what went on, but I liked the imagery you used. I especially liked "Through the snow as fine as sugar/I lost the vision of the rainbow/In pure white nothing is flamboyant" The use of flamboyant in every stanza might be a bit much, though. Maybe up the parallelism to make it fit better.
Kenjii H. (Daalmonette) - , - 7/11/2008 3:17 PM ET
I liked it.
Anne V. (bibliophile11) - 8/9/2008 10:10 PM ET
I liked the overall feel and imagery. Props for writing a sestina and following form. The one jarring note to the reading was the modern day use of "my sugar" against the more archaic language that you used. Otherwise, very nice
Maxwell R. - 8/1/2009 3:56 PM ET
terrible. so cliche and typical
Britt P. - 9/18/2013 11:53 PM ET
I never knew what a sestina was before now. I looked it up on dictionary.com, and read this fine example, and damn - that seems hard to write and I am quite impressed!
Comments 1 to 5 of 5