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Topic: Any parents of homeschooled teens out there???

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Subject: Any parents of homeschooled teens out there???
Date Posted: 11/6/2008 1:32 PM ET
Member Since: 2/23/2006
Posts: 4,505
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I recently had a run in with my 11 year old niece.  She was acting like a huge spoiled brat, and she's a pre-teen!  I just finished reading a couple of stories on the "members thoughts" board about unruly, untrustworthy teens, and it just makes me shiver to think what might be coming. 

We've only been homeschooling a little over a year, but I know I've seen great improvement in my kids behaviors during that time... especially my oldest who was public schooled her first three years.  She's really turned a corner this year.  She went from an angry, tired, grump, to a really lovely person who loves to cook with me, and play with her sibs!

I don't have much experience with homeschooled teens, other than what I read in books, so PLEASE tell me, if you have a teen homeschooler, do they tend to be better behaved than "other" teens I hear about?  If my kids turn into the vile badly behaved teens I hear about, I'm going to crawl into a hole and die (that, or send them back to school!)  What are homeschooled teens like?  How are they different than homeschool middle childhooders.  (Is that a word?)  Any experiences?

Edie

Date Posted: 11/6/2008 2:44 PM ET
Member Since: 3/20/2007
Posts: 931
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Hee hee...I so know your feelings!  My DS is 10, but is in early puberty, and has been for a year.

I've taught middle schooled HS'ers at co-op for five semesters now and let me assure you....they are WONDERFUL AND REFRESHING!!!!!!!!  :-)  So don't worry about your kiddos.  Really.  Don't stress.  :-)

The HS'ed teens are really unbelieveable to me...in a very, very GOOD way!  Polite, respectful, engaging, funny, mature, you name it.  All the great character traits.  This is not to say there's one or two here are there (usually those still needing to "deschool"), but as a whole, the age group,  in the HS'ed community, is fantastic!  :-)

Perhaps get involved w/ a group of MS HS'ers to let you breathe a bit ;-).

When we moved here three years ago, we'd never used paid babysitters - always family for 8 years.  There is a COMPLETE difference b/t our teen PS and teen HS babysitters.  A HUGE difference that my son himself noticed and begged for me to always have the HS'ed ones.  :-)

Relax, they'll be fine...you can breathe now!

JC

Date Posted: 11/6/2008 5:07 PM ET
Member Since: 2/14/2006
Posts: 88
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Yes I have  17, 13 12 and 5yo boys.  We have homeschooled from the begining. 

I have to say that in my experience homeschooled kids are noticably better behaved kids.   I also have to say that it is NOT the case ALWAYS.  There are always exceptions.   A lot depends on the way the kids are raised.  Homeschooling doesn't do it, parental involvement does it.  Homeschoolers tend to  be more involved parents... how could they not be?   Being away from parents and in school all day makes a parents job that much harder.  I would think REALLY REALLY HARD.   Even a good parent will have to work that much harder. 

So just homeschooling is not the cure/prevention of  a "spoiled brat"... parenting and training and love is.  Heavy on the love.   Homeschooling is just part of that parenting, training and love.

 ETA- I just reread my post and I hope I don't make it sound like ps kids parents don't love thier kids... I'm sure they do...they just have a hard job made harder IMO. 

 

 



Last Edited on: 11/6/08 5:11 PM ET - Total times edited: 2
Date Posted: 11/8/2008 8:13 AM ET
Member Since: 4/7/2007
Posts: 335
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11 y.o.d are going through a lot of changes, and can sometimes behave very poorly due to the discomfort they are suffering.  That being said, the pressure on schooled preteens is immeasurable.  Pressure to fit in, pressure to look and sound like the popular kids, and all the other stereotypical stuff we see in films really happens at that age.

My teens, 17 y.o. girl and 15 y.o. boy, and my preteen son who is 12, get along well and are generally kind and nice to other people.  They have always homeschooled.  Most of their homeschooled teen friends are also respectful and nice.  We have been fortunate to avoid the typical teen angst as portrayed in movies and tv, such as "mean girl" cliquiness and peer pressure to take drugs, drink, etc.  In fact, the only peer pressure exerted on my kids from their friends is usually to learn to play a different musical instrument or take up a foreign language. 

Susannah Sheffer edited a book about teenaged girls who homeschool entitled A Sense of Self, in which the girls were interviewed about their relationships with family members, friends, and how they felt about peer pressure.  It's a positive spin on the usual depressing mainstream thoughts on teen angst.  After I read Reviving Ophelia, a book about how teen years destroy teen girls, A Sense of Self was very uplifting. 

Although homeschooling doesn't mitigate the enormous changes children go through during adolescence, it can circumvent some of the societal pressures simply by keeping the kids out of the fray. 

Before anyone gets the idea that my kids don't socialize, I want to set that record straight.  My children have very active social lives with many friends of diverse religions, ethnicities and ages.  They hang out with teens that they have met through homeschooling activities, camps, and other non-homeschooling activities like acting.  Still, they select friends who are respectful and kind.  I like almost ALL of the friends of my kids.  When my daughter had her Sweet 16, we hosted over 50 teens, almost half who homeschool.   Everyone was incredibly well-behaved and inclusive, so the kids who were "outside" the group didn't feel excluded.

Our family feels that homeschooling has allowed our children to surround themselves with people who are caring and respectful.  We have been fortunate that they have not been forced into unpleasant situations just to fit in. 



Last Edited on: 11/8/08 8:14 AM ET - Total times edited: 1