The Eclectic Pen - Please Forgive Me


By: K J. (dappledart)  
Date Submitted: 5/14/2007
Last Updated: 11/19/2008
Genre: Literature & Fiction » Poetry
Words: 138
Rating:


  I didn't sleep a wink last night
I didn't sleep one minute
I couldn't get my brain to pause
with all those new thoughts in it
I thinked them and I thunked them and
I turned them round and round
I chased them to the moon -- and past
without a single sound.

My spouse, he lay so silent
a-sleeping in our bed
He didn't seem to hear at all
those fireworks in my head!

With thoughts a-spinning in and out
I didn't stand a chance
For every time I slowed one down
Another joined the dance.

So if today I drop the ball
if I don't anwer when you call
if I'm as floppy as a doll
if I am dragging in the hall
if I can't drive you to the mall
if I don't hold my head up tall
if I walk straight into a wall...

Please forgive me

'Cause
I didn't sleep one wink
last night
and now
I

just

might.


The Eclectic Pen » All Stories by K J. (dappledart)

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Comments 1 to 8 of 8
Marta J. (booksnob) - 5/14/2007 11:42 AM ET
This is funny! I love this, and boy can I relate! I frequently have those night when I can't shut down the machine...
IONE L. (zaneygraylady) - 5/14/2007 3:31 PM ET
I like this it sounds like some of my nights.
Maggie M. - 5/14/2007 5:18 PM ET
This is great stuff! Just one suggestion: somewhere around the ending, maybe you'd want to use the word "today," so readers won't be "snagged" as I was for a minute? For example, "and today I/just might." Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece.
K J. (dappledart) - 5/14/2007 6:01 PM ET
I inserted "now" instead. That was the #1 suggestion for improvement, wherever I have shared it--that I clarify the ending. Did that do it? My original "fix" was to add performance direction at the very end... (snore) Which do you like? (or both)
Tina H. (EclecticHSmom) - 5/14/2007 6:51 PM ET
I like it just as it is! And yes, I can really relate, too - I'm a mommy with ninety-thousand things to remember and plan at any given moment, so it is very hard to shut it off and get some sleep. And of course, my dear husband can fall asleep in 15 seconds flat. Sheesh, it's not fair.
Claudia R. (BrokenWing) - 5/17/2007 12:47 PM ET
very good and I can relate to this; I think we all can.
Angela D. (jaylou) - 5/17/2007 4:17 PM ET
Nice. Easy to read.
Lena S. (SquirrelNutkin) - 5/25/2007 7:54 PM ET
I like it....it was fun to read and made me smile thanks I needed that!
Comments 1 to 8 of 8