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Topic: protocol for PM-ing when book received

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Subject: protocol for PM-ing when book received
Date Posted: 4/28/2008 1:54 PM ET
Member Since: 4/19/2008
Posts: 92
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I'm still new at this.  I 've gotten a couple of PM's for books that were received.  Just "thank you" "book was in good condition" notes.  I haven't figured out if this is a courtesy that we should use regularly.  I'd be very interested to find out what most of the members do about this.  I certainly don't want to be rude and not send a PM, but wasn't exactly sure what to say about the books I received.  They were just fine, no problems.  Thanks for any input!


Date Posted: 4/28/2008 2:04 PM ET
Member Since: 8/23/2007
Posts: 26,510
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I usually just type a thank you in the comments box when I mark a book received. I usually don't respond to a thank you when someone's typed it in and I don't think a response is necessary.  There's no need to go back and forth several times over it unless they made a suggestion about wrapping the book or something.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 2:07 PM ET
Member Since: 2/28/2007
Posts: 2,164
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You'll get a heated debate on this topic believe it or not!  Some people (myself included) think it's rude not to at least say "thank you."  If warranted, I'll add a bit more also - if the book was in great condition, I'll say, something like, "So great to get a book in like-new condition, thanks!"  However, others say that it's annoying to find out through email that they have a new message, log into their account, only to find that it says "thanks."  Some find that to be an inconvenience.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 2:33 PM ET
Member Since: 5/10/2007
Posts: 5,526
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when I am marking the book received I will put some comments in the box (it asks if you want to send anything to the sender).  it is at least Thank you but usually a bit more about the books condition or if I have been waiting for the book or something like that.

some don't like it when people say thanks for the book, but I consider it good manners.  If they are offended for me saying thank you then that is their problem and not mine!

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 2:42 PM ET
Member Since: 6/20/2007
Posts: 5,062
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I always say thank you, and had no idea that others might be bothered like this.  But I will continue to say thank you.  I have also liked receiving a thank you from the recipient of a book I have sent, like I know that they are happy with it.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 3:27 PM ET
Member Since: 4/17/2008
Posts: 211
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With the first couple of books, I didn't say thank you because I thought the PM part was to make a complaint.  Then, when I started receiving the PM's that said "thank you", I realized that I could thank the other people for sending the book.  So, when the books I recently ordered do come in, I'll definitely thank the senders.

I like getting thanks even though it's not necessary, and I agree with those who say that it's good manners.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 5:58 PM ET
Member Since: 9/29/2005
Posts: 131
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>some don't like it when people say thanks for the book, but I consider it good manners.  If they are offended for me >saying thank you then that is their problem and not mine!

I totally agree!   Even if they got a credit for it, some stranger out there went through the trouble of initially posting the book for trade, then mailing it out to me - I got a great new book to read, delivered right to my door for practically nothing because of the time that this person took to do their part.   That deserves a simple courteous "thank you"!    They don't have to respond - but it's only common courtesy to say "thank you".    Courtesy and decent manners are all too lacking in today's world.  

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 6:10 PM ET
Member Since: 7/31/2007
Posts: 2,695
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Some don't like it when people don't say thanks for the book, but I consider it annoying.  If they are offended for me not saying thank you then that is their problem and not mine!

It is ok if there is something more than just "thank you"...don't waste my time or fill up my inbox with that but, if you want to say "Thanks, book received in great condition" or "Thanks, I'm looking forward to reading this"  etc...well then those are ok.

As for those sending books to me you aren't going to get a "Thank you" unless there is something outstanding about it...like it was wrapped in some unusual manner, had pretty paper, etc.

And you know, if someone sends a thank you and they know the person doesn't want one (doubt there is that foreknowledge here) then it becomes discourteous.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 7:31 PM ET
Member Since: 4/25/2007
Posts: 11,729
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Yep, you'll find this one is a hot-button issue.  Some people say Thank You, some don't.  Some are bothered by PMs saying Thank You and some aren't.

I say to each their own.  If you want to say Thank You then do it.  If you don't want to then don't.  Personally, I'm not bothered either way.  I always say Thank You because I think it's polite and I really don't care if I get Thank Yous from books I've sent out.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 8:02 PM ET
Member Since: 10/23/2005
Posts: 7,719
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I say a quick, "Thank you, it came today" on every order I receive, and write more if there is something out of the ordinary about the book or the wrapper. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 8:57 PM ET
Member Since: 10/21/2007
Posts: 3,430
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I try to say thank you every time, but I'm sure there are times I was in a rush and may have accidentally forgotten.   I agree with the poster above who said that the person took time to post the book, package the book, go to the post office, and pay for the postage.  This is an exchange by people who want to share books rather than a business.  You can waste my time with a "thank you" anytime!!!!  I'd rather get that than a _ _ _ _ you!!!!!  :)

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 9:02 PM ET
Member Since: 2/19/2007
Posts: 3,022
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Anytime I recieve a book I always say thanks.  I don't expect any response.  It's just to let them know I recieved it.  Now, if the book is in excellent condition I might add more.

Date Posted: 4/28/2008 9:32 PM ET
Member Since: 1/29/2006
Posts: 54,837
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Tami, you'll have to find your own comfort zone on this one.  I usually say Thank You (can't say I do it every time, sometimes my auto pilot just clicks through the process).  Sometimes I say "I/son/daughter is really looking forward to this" or maybe "Thanks! I love this author", but not always.  It's fun when those things open up even a brief dialogue w/ another member. :-)

I am never offended or put-out when I get a Thank  you.  However, neither am I offended or put-out when I don't.  I really recommend you find which thing meets your desires and go w/ that. ;-)

Date Posted: 4/29/2008 10:19 AM ET
Member Since: 4/19/2008
Posts: 92
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Well, it seems the "thank you's" have it!  I appreciate the input and will try to add a nice little note when I receive a book.  Eventually, I'll learn all the ropes, but until then I'm grateful for all the advice given in this forum.



Date Posted: 4/29/2008 11:06 AM ET
Member Since: 6/30/2007
Posts: 1,837
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I generally send a short thank you, especially if the book is in good condition.  I appreciate getting them myself since it lets me know that the book I mailed has been received.

Date Posted: 4/29/2008 11:17 AM ET
Member Since: 5/10/2005
Posts: 2,372
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I think it's also that the "thank you's" come through stronger on the forums because those of us who don't like 2 word PMs were tired of being called "rude" "ill mannered" "poorly raised" and other such things (it's been real polite discussions, really!).  And having our mild preference to not receiving unneeded and non-content emails blown up to we're offended by getting them (no, we aren't, we just think it's highly unnecessary and an annoyance).

It's just a matter of what one considers rude, if only mildly,--not saying "thank you" or filling up a mailbox with unnecessary and minimal content. 

Almost everyone agrees it isn't a problem to receive something that has more than a couple words because then it's clear it's about that book, not just an off-hand automatic response, and is more interesting to read. 

If the contents of the PM were included in the email it wouldn't be so bad, because then I could just look at it and not come over and log in to PBS.  But since it isn't, I have to come over, log in (wait for logging in...... page to finish)  and THEN read it to see if it is something I need to respond to promptly.   I don't like people forwarding me stuff but at least I can glance & delete at that--to find out if the PBS PM is something I need to deal with takes a lot more clicking.

It's just not worth the name-calling and misconstruing of our position to the non-thank-yous to discuss this everytime it comes up.

Date Posted: 5/3/2008 8:02 PM ET
Member Since: 11/25/2007
Posts: 776
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Ive been a member since last November, and I agree with everyone that says -Its common courtesy to

say Thank You ~

I try to always go in a say a Quick Thank you, when I have received a book.

and...its always nice to hear that someone received a book that I sent ( and sends me a PM

letting me know that they got it)

However, I do understand how busy people can be sometimes and if they forget to PM me--

thats OK..



Date Posted: 5/3/2008 8:07 PM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2005
Posts: 5,091
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Since the debate on the issue started up, I'm pretty hit-or-miss on the "Thank you" note when receiving a book.  If it's in good condition or particularly well packaged or something, I send a note mentioning that.  But if it's just a normal transaction with nothing remarkable, I am not sure whether I should say thank you or if that would just annoy them.  *Sigh* The world gets so confusing some days.

Date Posted: 5/3/2008 8:12 PM ET
Member Since: 7/23/2005
Posts: 7,606
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"You can waste my time with a "thank you" anytime!!!!  I'd rather get that than a _ _ _ _ you!!!!!  :)"


I nearly always send a thank you and add a note if I'll be sending the book to the middle east, or make a comment  on a great or unusual wrapping job.  

I like receiving thank yous, too.  :)


Date Posted: 5/3/2008 8:20 PM ET
Member Since: 1/4/2008
Posts: 389
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As someone mentioned, it's impossible to have foreknowlege of who will be offended by a thank  you and who won't.  I'd rather err on the side of being friendly.  I probably don't send and receive as many books as some of you, so it's still a thrill to get one and I can't help sending a note.  No response is necessary, but I have gotten to know a couple of members a little better because of their enthusiastic response! =0)

Welcome to PBS, Tami!  I hope you have a great experience here!

Date Posted: 5/3/2008 10:06 PM ET
Member Since: 2/2/2006
Posts: 2,246
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Yes, this can be a real hot issue around here, several long and heated threads. We had all said our say, pretty much, ruffled feathers were smoothing down, and then someone went and asked, "But then do you say 'you're welcome'?" and someone shot out the lights and I don't remember too much after that. <grin>

Welcome, Tami!

Date Posted: 5/4/2008 12:47 AM ET
Member Since: 1/10/2008
Posts: 345
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After I found out some people thought it was a waste of their time and bandwidth to read "thank you" messages, I stopped sending them for a bit.  But I felt awful about it.  So now I do.  So there.  :-) 

Date Posted: 5/4/2008 7:21 PM ET
Member Since: 10/30/2005
Posts: 3,562
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And of course there are much more than a few of us who don't care one way or the other, to each his or her own, no offense taken.

We just don't consider it a necessary and required part of a process that already has a thank you attached to each and every request (Thank you for telling us that this book has been received ~ from the PBS librarian)

So, thank away...or not. (You were all waiting with bated breath to see just how long I could hold out from responding to this thread, weren't you? lol)

Date Posted: 5/4/2008 9:10 PM ET
Member Since: 1/29/2006
Posts: 54,837
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And of course there are much more than a few of us who don't care one way or the other, to each his or her own, no offense taken.

Exactly! That's why I do recommend finding one's *own* comfort zone.  Most people are not bothered either way and, really, you cannot please EVERYONE no matter what you do.  So, one might as well make him or herself happy, lol.

So, thank away...or not. (You were all waiting with bated breath to see just how long I could hold out from responding to this thread, weren't you? lol)

We even had a pool going, Dartha...I wonder who won......;-)

Date Posted: 5/5/2008 10:09 AM ET
Member Since: 2/23/2007
Posts: 181
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Good grief, it never even occurred to me that people might be annoyed by getting a "thank you."  Ya just never know, I guess.  I like getting thank you notes, even just the two words, because it adds a bit of a personal touch to the transaction.  I even think it's such a nice touch that couple of times when I realized that I'd forgotten to fill in the little box, I sent a separate PM.  I ususally feel mildly disappointed when I don't get one, but it's no big deal.