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Topic: A Question of Etiquette - Answered

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Subject: A Question of Etiquette - Answered
Date Posted: 7/11/2008 5:31 PM ET
Member Since: 6/4/2007
Posts: 2,941
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If I preface I'll go on forever so straight to it:  I requested two books separately and only today noticed that one of the Swappers from whom I requested actually has both.  I usually try to order multiples to save on shipping and was thinking of trying to still do so.  However, I feel like I'd be a jerk for cancelling the request from the other Swapper.  I don't think an explanation would make this move any less jerki-ish (not to say I wouldn't give one).  Has anyone else found themselves in a situation like this before?  I feel like I'd be robbing the second Swapper of a chance to get a credit, although the book is sort of rare and there are only these two copies in the system so I'm sure it would go sooner rather than later.  Any response would be welcome.

eta:  I went ahead and just did it.  If the sender from the cancelled request PM's I'll explain and hopefully that'll be sufficient.  Thanks for the input :)

Last Edited on: 7/11/08 7:11 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/11/2008 5:38 PM ET
Member Since: 9/29/2005
Posts: 131
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If you had requested the book from *me*, and then explained to me why you cancelled, I would totally understand & wouldn't have a problem in the world with it.   No sense in all that extra postage cost if both books could be sent at the same time.   But that's just me - no way of knowing how your person might feel.

Perhaps if you PM'd them first & politely explained the situation, ask them if they would mind you cancelling the order -- tell them that you won't cancel unless they're OK with it -- I would think that most people would appreciate you asking first, and would be understanding.   I go through credits like crazy & always can use more - but I'm never *that* desperate for a credit that I would be miffed at someone over a perfectly reasonable situation like this.


Date Posted: 7/11/2008 5:40 PM ET
Member Since: 8/1/2007
Posts: 5,034
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I would check to see if had been accepted by the sender.. if not, I would cancel and order from the other person.

If the person had accepted it, but not yet printed the label, I would still cancel.

About the note... I probably would not send one... I have seen more forums topics with ruffled feathers due to what WAS in a message rather than no message at all.

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 5:43 PM ET
Member Since: 1/8/2007
Posts: 8,139
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Personally, if the other swapper has already accepted my request, I wouldn't cancel unless there was a really strong reason (such as, I just realized I already have this on my shelf!).

If the swapper hasn't accepted my request, I'd just cancel. No explanation needed, really. You could have just changed your mind, KWIM?

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 5:48 PM ET
Member Since: 6/4/2007
Posts: 2,941
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The person who has both books has already accepted the request (but hasn't yet printed a label).  The second person hasn't accepted yet (and hasn't posted to the forum in a year of membership).  I'm terrible at making little seemingly insignificant decisions like this.  While I presume most people would just choose something and get on with life I'll actually find my brain forcing itself back to this "issue".  I thought about just cancelling and all that, but I've done that before to free up a credit for a Wish List offer and the person PM'd me asking if they had done something to cause me to cancel.  Luckily I planned on re-requesting so it worked out but I felt bad for accidentally having given that impression.  Then I worry about not getting a response to a pre-cancellation PM, or the person getting mad for my having considered it...gads I'm neurotic, I'll have to remember to bring this up in therapy next week lol.  Thanks for your input.  I'm going to wait for a few more suggestions, get on with it, and then spend the rest of the day chastising myself for being such a worry wart.

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 6:13 PM ET
Member Since: 1/5/2008
Posts: 3,384
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since the second person has not accepted yet, go ahead and cancel.  if you feel really bad about them losing a credit, check out their shelf and see if there's anything else they have that you want.

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 6:14 PM ET
Member Since: 9/16/2007
Posts: 1,001
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If they haven't accepted it yet, I'd just cancel it without worrying.  But do PM the person with both books, and let them know you're considering ordering more, so they don't print and waste the postage you're trying to save them!

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 6:25 PM ET
Member Since: 1/8/2007
Posts: 8,139
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James, Cancel the second order and order both books from the first. Don't worry about it. The other book will be ordered soon enough. :)

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 6:45 PM ET
Member Since: 9/21/2006
Posts: 2,815
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or if its been under 1 hour, they wont even know about it becuase of 'requestors remorse' or whatever its called.

Date Posted: 7/11/2008 7:53 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 9,601
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I understand your problem with "ethical" questons like this because I have them, too. I agree to cancel.  The time before when the person PM'd you wanting to know why was just the "universe" messing with you because you  (and I ) have this problem.;D  Kind of along the lines of Murphy's Law or "Da#ned if you do and da#nded if you don't".   It seems that if anything can make things harder it will happen.  So just do the best you can in not harming anyone - including yourself - and proceed!


Last Edited on: 7/11/08 7:53 PM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 7/11/2008 11:01 PM ET
Member Since: 3/4/2008
Posts: 1,673
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I, too have gone back and forth on this issue.  I much appreciate it when some one orders multiples from me, but sometimes, like you, I miss that books I ordered could have come from 1 person.  But, I just look at it as spreading the orders around (too much unnecessary anxiety otherwise!).  And since everyone has probably had something like that happen, each "sender" will probably understand ~ I would, if it were me.