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Topic: I'm really upset - looking for advice (mini vent)

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Subject: I'm really upset - looking for advice (mini vent)
Date Posted: 11/20/2007 10:17 AM ET
Member Since: 9/29/2005
Posts: 3,152
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In talking to my friend, Daphne, she informed me that while babysitting her partner's nephew he saw them kiss ( a quick peck) and said EWWW. Keep in mind he’s seven, so she wasn’t sure if it was eww- girl’s kissing, eww- my aunt kissing, or EWW- just two grownups kissing in general.   

Daphne told him that people who love each other sometimes kiss. She also let his mom know what she had told him.  His mom got a little upset and told her she wasn’t ready to have the “gay talk” with her son just yet.  

This is the part that really upset me.   I mean, both of mom’s siblings are gay. (My friend Lisa,9 Daphne’s partner) and her brother Jerry). I don’t understand what there is to talk about. There are all kinds of families and his Aunt’s Lisa and Daphne is just one. It can be that simple.   

These are the kinds of things that really bother me. She live with them (rent free) with her son for two years and they babysit him several times a month (for free), watch her dogs and let her do her laundry at their house (you guessed it, for free), yet Mom’s not ready to “have a talk” with him about his aunts.  

I’m shaking my head; I just don’t understand what the big flipping deal is. They are a FAMILY, what really needs to be explained. Do you explain hetero families to kids.     GEESH,

sorry vent over!!!!

edit for formatting!



Last Edited on: 11/20/07 10:18 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 11/20/2007 10:44 AM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Vent away!  It sounds like the mom needs the 'gay talk' more so than the kid does.  It sounds like Daphne handled it just fine.

Date Posted: 11/20/2007 11:33 AM ET
Member Since: 12/19/2005
Posts: 5,091
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Since he's 7, I'm guessing the 'ewww' was about kissing in general, not the specifics of who was kissing.  And the mother let her own unsettled feelings about homosexuality show when she over-reacted.  Sad, but at least she just got a little upset instead of throwing a total hissy fit about it.  Baby steps.

Date Posted: 11/20/2007 12:14 PM ET
Member Since: 9/14/2005
Posts: 5,499
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Wow.......just wow.

It's simply amazing to me that people can be that selfish and then rude to the people helping them the most.  WTH?  What is there really to talk about?  I agree that he was most likely just "ewwwing" over the adults kissing.  At 7, that's all they care about.  And even if it was more, then it's a great opportunity to talk about diverse families.  Argh!

Date Posted: 11/20/2007 1:57 PM ET
Member Since: 8/9/2005
Posts: 20,024
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Last Edited on: 8/11/10 4:59 AM ET - Total times edited: 1
Date Posted: 11/20/2007 2:20 PM ET
Member Since: 5/29/2007
Posts: 13,347
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Well, I may be in the minority, but I do think 7 is a little young for "the gay talk".  I think 7 is too young for a lot of talk.  Personally, when my son was that age there was no talk about gay or straight, or marriage, or anything.  It was just this is Bob and Jane, or this is Bob and Tom.  Or, Danny's parent's are Jane and Mary.  No differentiating, just plain, non-emotional facts.  Short and sweet.  7 is young.  Really.

The problem I see is that she wants to have a "gay talk".  Any talk I've had with my son has been commitment based, not gay or straight based.  You're either committed, hopefully for life, to another person or you're not.  Differentiating is, to me, setting the foundation for discrimination.  You either support the human rights that go along with a committed relationship or you don't.  Introducing the fact that it's 2 men, or 2 women, or one of each, is teaching kids to actually look for that when they see people together.  Why?  I want my son to see that people stick it out thru thick and thin for decades, hopefully, not that they're the same sex.

Mom is clearly sensitive about the issue and it seems she'll be passing that on.  Too bad.  And I agree with whomever said the ewww was more than likely to the kissing.  I mean, when you're a 7 year old boy, girls are kinda yucky to begin with.  :>)

Date Posted: 11/20/2007 3:35 PM ET
Member Since: 1/11/2006
Posts: 7,581
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Maybe she could get this book for her child?  I just ordered it for my 9 month old niece & nephew: http://www.amazon.com/Family-Book-Todd-Parr/dp/0316738964/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195590040&sr=1-4
L. G. (L)
Date Posted: 11/20/2007 10:48 PM ET
Member Since: 9/5/2005
Posts: 12,412
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Oh heck, I've had the "gay" talk with J in an age-approprite manner.  "Uncle B and Uncle L live together just like Mommy, Daddy and you do."  Why do people have to complicate matters?  IMO, it isn't something you suddenly "have a talk" about.  It just is, and you talk about it or not, as appropriate. :/

 

 

Date Posted: 11/21/2007 5:48 AM ET
Member Since: 7/5/2006
Posts: 4,669
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I agree L.... when A makes statements that only men and women get married, I just correct him "No honey, some men marry men, and some women marry women. It just depends on who you want to be a family with".  I'm shocked that someone living with a couple thinks her child need a "talk".  At age 7 or younger (like J & A) they just need to know people love each other and live together... not what "gay" means etc.... and the ewww was definitely due to the age... DS does it to me all the time... he'll see me reading a romance and say "ew, mommy that's a kissy book" :)

Date Posted: 12/10/2007 11:05 PM ET
Member Since: 12/9/2007
Posts: 22
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I wouldn't worry about it.  My partner's son is now 15 years old.  Both of his parents (my partner and his ex-wife) are gay.  He also has two gay aunts (my partner's sister and his mother's sister).  I have been in his life since he was 7 y/o.  As he was growing up, being gay or straight was never an issue.  It just was who you were in love with.  I think kids are pretty darn perceptive.  The most important thing is to show love.

Date Posted: 12/13/2007 7:06 AM ET
Member Since: 12/1/2005
Posts: 1,023
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Well said Minh

Date Posted: 12/20/2007 8:05 PM ET
Member Since: 2/24/2007
Posts: 6,447
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I’m shaking my head; I just don’t understand what the big flipping deal is. They are a FAMILY, what really needs to be explained. Do you explain hetero families to kids.     GEESH,

 

I'm late to this. I have no Idea where I've been.

Anyway, As the mother of a now 20 year old son who was raised by two moms. We never had a talk with him. He never  questioned his family dynamics  and whenever he has introduced us it has been "These are my parents". 

I agree that there are many different families and not all are the Mom, Dad and 2.5 kids(Where's the other half?)